My sister has decided that folks with mental illnesses are making their own problems and everyone should "choose" to be happy, like her. I told her we needed to agree to disagree and she was Ok with that situation. I wrote her a long, well thought out e-mail, that I thought might demonstrate to her that my condition isn't a "choice". She hasn't responded, though she does acknowledge reading the e-mail. This situation, combined with lingering resentments within my birth family, that no-one seems willing to address, have influenced me to not attend a family get-together at a local resteraunt. My wife has been in and out of the hospital around 10 times in the last 12 months. Our son, an aspergers child, is recovering from an extended meltdown that lasted several months. I have all I can handle with my family at home. I cannot deal with my birth families "issues" right now. I've been polite about not attending, but she can't seem to accept my decision.

[Perna]

You sounds like a caring brother, wanting your sister to understand rather than just doing what you feel is best for you and your family. I don't know that you can make her understand though, I would just keep with the agree to disagree commitment.

My husband does not understand my interest in fantasy and the imagination, and if he does not understand what I am saying or how I'm feeling will ask me, "Is this one of the things I won't get?" and if I say, "Yes" we just drop it there :-)

If you are having family difficulties at the moment, no need to go into them with anyone who does not seem to understand, just say you cannot make the party, you do not have to give a reason or get any one else's approval. Tell your sister you are not attending and if she keeps raising the issue, tell her you have told her your decision and she is not respecting it so unless she has other topics of conversation, you will no longer respond to her at all.

Thanks for the tip, perna. She responded to my e-mail recently but it was confusing and seemed inconsistant. I am going to let her contact me. I guess I'll say the serenity prayer also, God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

[needfixing]

i wouldn't explain to your sister anymore, cause you can't reason with stupid.
remember you, your wife, and son come first, not your birth family.
you don't need the added stress in your life so don't go to the get together.

[Aslan]

you have done the right thing. take care of your family.

[RonPSH]

Social conditionings are a huge source of mental illness and your sister imposing her IDEA that people create their own mental illnesses is an example of the power of social conditionings.

She isn't exploring the topic with you but telling you what she believes but to her it's the truth. To the person called mentally ill, it's frustrating because why would anyone knowingly create mental problems for self? And if being happy is merely a decision away, then why don't people decide to be happy?

The real mental illness is not self-inflicted but socially inflicted. Since we were babie, the social institutions have taken the eager minds of the trusting young and indoctrinated those minds with ideas of self, of God, of nation and so on. Before any other knows what happened, those ideas have become habitual thoughts and those thoughts are in contradiction to our true nature, our true being.

The mental confusion that results is a mental illness. To be constantly confused means to be constantly thinking and thinking consumes our energy. Thinking is our self-absorption but these thoughts don't lead us closer to finding answers so that we can rest because the questions we are pondering don't have answers except that the whole thing is an illusion. But because these thoughts are habitual, they feel like they are the truth.

Turning ideas of life into habitual thinking steals our innate nature that allows us to learn and grow. It keeps us stuck because whatever is said that contradicts the habit is instantly rejected by the mind. Just try to change a habit and you know what a fight your mind puts up.

This constant mental confusion shifts us from living authentically from the heart and makes us TRY to live logically from the head. Your sister is living logically and unable to see that she is destroying love. She doesn't get that the mind creates ideas to help us, but those ideas are meant to be tested by life, not imposed on life. By testing ideas, we learn what we knew and didn't know and become smarter. By imposing ideas, when people don't support our ideas that we think are truths, we end up being controlling of those people, demanding compliance and getting upset when we don't get it.

99% of people are living in ideas when it comes to love, self, God, nation and so on. When life is most personal, we are raised to be the most logical and the end result is the death of love. The energy that could be shared in love is wasted thinking and arguing.

As far as Asperger's is concerned, check out Waldorf-style schools.

Ron

Thanks for posting everyone. She isn't trying to directly pursuade be now, she is offerring me money if I attend. I feel sick to my stomach. She has been verbally and emotionally abusive to our mom, for as long as I can remember. My mother is desperate for a "normal" family, so she tolerates her verbal and emotional abuse. She justifies her abuse on her perceived trauma which resulted from my moms mental illness and mild substance abuse. Sometimes I wish I could move to another planet...I love my mom, despite our hardships. I think my sister needs to talk to a professional therapist.