[Switch]

**I hope this is the right spot, it kind of bridges the gap between T and Emotions. Feel free to move it**

So something that's been an ongoing discution with me and T has been my ability to feel emotions. Apparently I don't.

We get into a repeating cycle of:

T:"How do you feel?"
S: Says soemthing that she thinks is an emotion and is applicable to the moment. Like "Loud" or "Off" or "Like I wanted to eat as much McD's as possible as I blair Red Hot Chili Peppers"
T:"That's not a feeling/emotion."

And then he'll try and pull out of me what I "feel" about whatever. He's always commenting on how "intellagent and articulate" I am, but that I'm "detached from my emotions". And when I do "feel", he always points it out.

That happened last session! I got upset when he was saying that I'm disconnected. I don't really know why, because that's never happened before, but I was really upset and a bit scared. I was shaking and trying not to cry, and I was hiding it because I felt that the more I showed the more on the spot and under the microscope I was. And I know that that sounds really counter productive, but having someone point out that you're upset that they're pointing it out is a bit scary and you just want it to stop!

Now I recognise that I tend to think things out overly logically. I don't like waisitng time on emotions if they're unwarented or not going to do any damn good about it. I also dissociate a lot (though I personally think that's mostly unrelated). And I know my therapy suffers a bit from that because I tend to turn it into a disscution, like two people trying to solve a puzzle, but I don't know how else to deal with something if it isn't happening right then and there.

I would also like to point out that I do NOT agree with him saying I'm too detached from my emotions, because I have a mood disorder (BP2), and anxiety and all that good stuff. I'm constantly described as being a "bundle of emotions" by family and friends. I don't like showing too much negative emotions to people, but I don't think that warrants me to being "detached from my emotions"!

So yeah, opinions please? How can I either get over this, or make T understand that just because I don't use words like 'pissed off' or 'happy' or 'sad' doesn't mean I'm not describing my emotions? Do you think that I'm "disconnected"? (feel free to be blunt and honest, cause if I am I may just need to hear it from someone else)

[Callmebj]

Are you thinking of emotions as to what is on your mind just at that moment?
Sounds like you may not understand exactly what emotions are.
They are something you feel; not particularly think; here is an example and you may already be familiar with them....Ashamed, Angry, Sad, Disgusted, Scared and Happy.

Each one of the emotions/feelings are in increments; ranging from example Sad...to a the low level of being a little down, to despair, a high, high level of sadness.

I don't think your discrediting emotions is a good thing however because it's part of who we are as human beings. Negative emotions are also a part of each one of us, and we deal, I believe mostly with those feelings in therapy. Things that turn on these negative emotions is what we refer to as triggers.

We all have a picture of ourselves in our mind as to who we are. For instance, I consider myself as a classy, intelligent, sophisticated adult female. If I act otherwise, I shame myself and feel anywhere from slightly embarrassed to completely mortified.

So what I'm saying Switch is that emotions cannot be denied or felt as not being there or unimportant. Good luck, hugs, bj

[Switch]

I'm not trying to discredit them, I just don't like it when they get in the way of things. Example, I really don't like crying in funerals. By no means am I going to be happy, but I don't see death that way and I don't think a funeral is the place to cry, even though socially it's okay. My dad has a similar philosophy in decision making. He's always telling my mom and I that I need to make a rational decision instead of an emotional one.

Wow... and now that I'm writing this I kinda feel lost for words. On the one hand, I see what you mean, and I like your 'system' for explaining emotions, but on the other hand, I guess I just don't get embarrassed or stuff like that very often. Most of my emotions just kinda happen; depression, mania, irritated, touchy, ext. For no reason, which is usually when I chalk it up to being BP. Anything that's "real life" emotions tend to just make themselves known and then either sit or get dealt with. Which is why I say my real emotions come out through my actions, without me noticing.

Great... and now I'm worried, lol.

[sandworm]

Your T, is my T, which seems to need for some dip stick reason "HAPPY,Sad, GLAD."

such emotions tell someone just as little as the "I am feeling off".

Tell you doc that you need a process that is going somewhere. dreg up emotions if
you will, but what then. dredge up other ones, ad nauseum, or
find some 'centeredness' and coping skills to meet life with stance squared and
eyes blazing and putting a fear into 'Fear' itself.

"T" therapy is beginning to bother me with the pointlessness of sessions and not
providing any tools to handle life in a mature and responsible way.
Will I keep the tools?? no, I will use them, and use them, until I find ones that
work better. but it will give me a starting place. My biggest challenge is
finding someone willing to give me something that works some.

I had to pull it all together myself, then when I did, I got ridiculed for 'you think
too much."

You do what you heart tells you Switch, you know better than the opinion
then any other. IF you are centered on getting better.

-S-

[Callmebj]

Switch, forgive me if I caused any doubt in your mind. I am not familiar with BP so I have no way of knowing how a person deals with that and gets on top of it so to speak. Your actions are projecting your feelings; then that is the way you are. Can you define your actions?

I'd rather not post than have a person worrying about anything I said. My own T used a form of CBT and it worked well for me for 12 weeks. He was very good, but now, I will move on to other therapist as I feel I learned all I could from him.

Take care, hugs bj

[Switch]

OMG no! Callmebj, I didn't mean to make you think you did anything wrong! What you said was actually really helpful! It made me think, and made me really confused because I started having a clash of arguments and emotions and having points proven and disproven in my head all at the same time. And that's actually a really good thing.

I need to figure this out and I need to stop being so stuck on one side of the argument. I might not have liked what you said initially because it pointed out that I could be wrong, but it is actually really helpful that you did so and please Please PELASE don't feel like you did something wrong or offended me or anything! I know it's strange, but doubt and worry actually help me. They make me realize that there is something wrong that needs fixing, and help me to find out exactly what that is so that I can start working on it.

Sadly it's this overly logical approach to my psyche that my T is pointing out. Or at least that's what it feels like. And sorry if all of this is coming out jumbled, I'm still trying to work through all of it! Though any other input others might have is appreciated, welcomed, and might help!

Your actions are projecting your feelings; then that is the way you are. Can you define your actions?

That's one of the things I've been trying to do, but that he keeps shooting down.

[Callmebj]

Switch, glad you are cool with it. Earlier you said "I don't cry at funerals." Neither do I, to me, its better to cry alone and not have everyone privy to my feelings of sadness.

I think when I was younger I put up a barrier on my emotions and was simply logical with all I did. Holding in those feelings can have a real impact when the dam breaks. There is a limit, I believe one can absorb hurts and hold onto before it explodes/implodes. Why I did that was because I did not want anyone to ever hurt me again.

Women are the most likely to hurt from things, because they turn their anger inward instead of outward like guys do. I'm sure at times, if I acted as a man in rage, I would have cold-cocked someone, or picked a really big bar fight. LOL...with all 100 lbs of me. (Oh, by the way, this was confirmed by my male T about women doing imploding on emotions.) I did see something about emotions or behaviors today. So maybe there is an either of the two.

Take care switch, hugs, bj

[Callmebj]

Just looked at your profile.....a mathmatician...no wonder you are so logical!!!

[TealOrca12]

I'm almost wondering if you "intellectualize" your emotions--like, to you, rather than feeling them in your body, it becomes a thought. I hope that makes sense. Sometimes people with anxiety do that. I have anxiety struggles too, and I do this at times!!

Also, sometimes we connect behaviors with feelings so frequently that when asked, our mind jumps to describing how we want to react or what we want to do because of what we are feeling...so it's harder to get right to the root of the feeling. Because, it is easier to talk about doing something, then it is to describe a feeling, especially if it is a painful or uncomfortable feeling.

Hope this makes sense & helps.

[Switch]

Originally Posted by Callmebj

Switch, glad you are cool with it. Earlier you said "I don't cry at funerals." Neither do I, to me, its better to cry alone and not have everyone privy to my feelings of sadness.

That is exactly what I'm referring to, although I have a tendency not to cry at all. Though I hasn't lost my parents or any close friends yet, so that hasn't been tested yet.

Originally Posted by Callmebj

I think when I was younger I put up a barrier on my emotions and was simply logical with all I did. Holding in those feelings can have a real impact when the dam breaks. There is a limit, I believe one can absorb hurts and hold onto before it explodes/implodes. Why I did that was because I did not want anyone to ever hurt me again.

Women are the most likely to hurt from things, because they turn their anger inward instead of outward like guys do. I'm sure at times, if I acted as a man in rage, I would have cold-cocked someone, or picked a really big bar fight. LOL...with all 100 lbs of me. (Oh, by the way, this was confirmed by my male T about women doing imploding on emotions.) I did see something about emotions or behaviors today. So maybe there is an either of the two.

Take care switch, hugs, bj

Two things to this. One, funny thing; I've always been told I deal with emotions like a guy, lol. If someone pisses me off sufficiently I will simply go up and confront them. Though I like to think a bit more civilized than a fistfight, I would have no issue with that. Punch it out and then buy them a beer is not a bad philosophy until someone can't drink the beer because of the punches.

Originally Posted by Callmebj

Just looked at your profile.....a mathmatician...no wonder you are so logical!!!

I wish!! No, I just have a strong intreats in maths and sciences. What's really going to twist your brian is that I'm actually a theatre student. My main areas of study are (for next year), folklore, religion, history, anthropology, and writing, although I do act (use to... needless to say I've been having some issues with that) and direct as well.

Originally Posted by TealOrca12

I'm almost wondering if you "intellectualize" your emotions--like, to you, rather than feeling them in your body, it becomes a thought. I hope that makes sense. Sometimes people with anxiety do that. I have anxiety struggles too, and I do this at times!!

Also, sometimes we connect behaviors with feelings so frequently that when asked, our mind jumps to describing how we want to react or what we want to do because of what we are feeling...so it's harder to get right to the root of the feeling. Because, it is easier to talk about doing something, then it is to describe a feeling, especially if it is a painful or uncomfortable feeling.

Hope this makes sense & helps.

I think that is part of the problem. I know I intellectualize things. My therapy sessions always end up looking like two people discussing something at a roman forum! T always tries to pull it back to the... well, I don't know how a normal therapy session looks like, but I doubt all of them are intellectual discussions. I always get the sense that he's surprised by how "Articulate" I am. (his words). Even this I am treating like a mystery needing solving.

I was thinking about this a lot this morning and I kind of had a revelation. I've never considered my previous relationships to be abusive. Not healthy, sure, but not abusive. What triggered this is that I was watching a movie my ex gave me and he'd cried about. My ex had depression and extremely low self esteem, with a history of SI, and never dealt with his problems in a healthy way.

Anyway, I was thinking about that, and about how I had to continually please him and make sure he was okay, and make sure he understood that I wasn't mad at him for things (which to me seems ridiculous because it's very hard to get me upset). I had to continually repress my emotions and feelings, especially when I was depressed but the hardest was when I was manic. He never reacted well to my BP moods, which to me I can't control and never have any "reason" behind them.

What if from that "training" I've just never been able to get out of that habit? I know I haven't always been like this, and I find myself continually missing the person I was in high school (for a university student to say that... that's big). And it wasn't just my recent ex who I've had to suppress feelings for, but the two relationships before him as well.

huh... something to think about. Does that sound plausible?

[Callmebj]

Switch, sounds very reasonable to me. Repressing your emotions is kinda like walking on eggshells, DON"T UPSET THAT OTHER PERSON!! Do you think you lost contact/confused with how you really feel because of this?? 3 relationships like this has to you hiding yourself to some degree when putting others first...very empathetic to their needs.

How about family Switch....any type of thing going on there too?? Repressed parents in their feelings. The older generation some of the guys did the John Wayne type of think....all logic, not much on emotions, manly men type! Just a thought. Hugs, bj

PS Big surprise on that theatre student part!

[SoupDragon]

Emotions are inconvenient and pointless - well that's what I told my T - I disconnect / dissociate all the time in sessions.

However I am beginning to understand (intellectually of course) that maybe emotions are important - I am still not totally sure how to "feel" them, but T and I are working on that - I much prefer numbers - they make total sense.

Soup

[Switch]

I use to be very empathetic, but now I find I am not as much. I've adopted a very "yeah... and whatcha gonna do about it" attitude to life that I'm not entirely comfortable with, but don't know what to do about it so I'm not going to complain.

My dad is very all logic now feeling, but not in a bad way. My dad is simultaneously the life of the party. I am very like him in both regards.

My relationships, in my mind, weren't demanding or abusive, but then again I don't really remember them. Only if I really try do I remember certain things. Like my ex crying over the DVD. I could go into detail about all of their quirks if I tried, but I really don't want to sound like I'm whining.

I think I've found what I'm going to talk about with T tomorrow I might come back with something?

Soup, you have hit the nail on the head. That is very like me. Glad to know I'm not the only one! :/ Tell me how you've been working past this?

Switch.

[Callmebj]

I use to be very empathetic, but now I find I am not as much. I've adopted a very "yeah... and whatcha gonna do about it" attitude to life that I'm not entirely comfortable with, but don't know what to do about it so I'm not going to complain.

I can relate to this Switch, I find I expect others to be responsible for their problems and not very empathic to those that appear to not be helping themselves. I think I am discouraged about this mainly because this is not especially a feminine trait. And
I do realize that there are people who are so overwhelmed with life, health, they cannot do for themselves. I tend to still avoid helpless people however.

Logic is all I used for years and years, I even was in denial about being sick; and would keep going unless their was pain with it...then I listened. I did this till I was in my early to mid 30s.

Sounds like your Dad is a great guy. Men are usually the non-emotional ones, at least the ones I've known. I relate more to my Dad than my mother, as my mother was mentally ill. Hope things work at with the T for you. Hugs, bj

[Switch]

My dad is awesome, I love him so much. I relate to both my parents in different ways, my mom as friends, my dad and I as really similar people (and friends). I wouldn't say he's emotional, but he can speak passionately and is great at evoking the social and caring sides of people. He's a really good guy!

To a certain extent I expect people to take care of their own issues. I don't expect it right off the bat, especially if you're coming to me for support, but if you're not doing anything to fix your problems (even if 'doing something' means faltering on what you're trying to do) then I'm going to get very blunt and harsh very fast, and it's not very comforting.

I simply miss being emotional I guess. Not stupidly so, but I miss feeling something deeply and passionately. Like when you are really mad at someone, and you are trying so hard to bite back a comment but just can't! I use to get that, as I can be spiteful if I'm really hurt by something, but even fighting with my best friend it feels like going through the motions now. I'm wondering if this is caused by new meds? Or at least the extremes like that might be.

My talk with T didn't really go anywhere. A lot had happened that I needed to glance over, and by the time we started really talking about this, not much useful had been said except him thinking that it was a possibility. And I hate talking about my ex's because I always feel like I'm making a huge fuss out of nothing.

Thank you for your input bj, and everyone else! It's helping me piece things together.