[hamster-bamster]

I am new to this forum. I am the Bipolar forum regular. My frequent feelings are guilt, shame, regret, fear (a biggie). About an hour ago I thought back to a moment, many years ago, when I made a bad decision that still has negative ramifications for my daughter, who now lives with her dad (I wrecked the marriage and bipolar manias were a big cause). I made the decision while manic and possessed and I did not consult with my then husband at all. Normally such thought would bring me regret. This time, it brought sadness, realization of how different, calm and centered life would have been had I not made that decision, and sorrow for what she has to go through now as a result. There was a sharp feeling in my heart; it was hard to tolerate, but I decided to feel it through the end instead of trying to mask or shun it feverishly. It occurred to me that this feeling, so different, was love. I am not friends with love - I have BPD, narcissistic traits, and DD NOS (dissociation). I have trouble with empathy, and my reoccurring regrets are usually selfish - regrets over not doing the perfect thing so it is centered on me, not others; but this time it was sadness and painful empathy.

Does it sound like LOVE?

[Leed]

Real love is hard to describe, but I'll try. It's a deep desire to be with the person you care for; it's thinking of that person all the time, and wanting to DO for that person more than for yourself; It's being there for that person whether they're in a foul mood or a great mood, whether they're sick or healthy; it's caring for them more than you do for yourself. In other words, you almost feel that the two of you have become one.

I suppose that there is sadness & empathy in love too, but that certainly is not the complete description of love. It's MUCH more than that.

God bless & take care. Hugs, Lee