[costello]

The story about the apparently racially-based shootings out of Tulsa deeply saddens me. Apparently two white men were arrested for the shootings of five black people - three of whom died. My first reaction was that this was just a couple of racists, but now I think it's more than that. It's a failure to effectively manage destructive emotions.

I'm basing my conclusions on my own research this morning, but I'm pretty sure I'm correct it what I think happened. It was an event that occurred two years ago that led to these shootings. On April 6, 2010 the father of one of the Tulsa shooters was killed by a black man during an argument. The shooter, Jake England, is 19 now, so he would have been 17 when he lost his father. Here's a news story from the time of the shooting: http://www.tulsaworld.com/news/artic...0_Police935139

A few months ago, apparently, the mother of Jake's son also died.

His posts on his facebook wall reflect his pain and the concern of his friends: http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?...116727&sk=wall

Clearly he didn't get the help he needed. The result is this tragedy.

I was meditating on this incident this morning. I was picturing the pain that lead up the shooting of Jake's father in 2010. What in the backgrounds of these two men brought them to that place, both angry, one armed with a gun?

Then I thought about Jake's pain and confusion over the last two years - a festering wound he doesn't seem to have had the resources - internal or external - to deal with.

Then I imagined that pain spreading out from the horrible acts he and his friend committed last Friday. Where will that pain lead? Is there a friend or family member of one of the victims who will now commit other terrible acts because of their suffering? And what of Jake's young son who has lost his mother to death and likely his father to prison?

Where does it stop?

I wondered what I would have done if I had known Jake. Would I have seen how deep his pain was? Would I have known how to help him defuse the bomb? Maybe there are Jakes in my life right now, and I don't recognize the depths of their suffering?

Where does it stop? It has to stop with each of us. We each have to find ways of managing our destructive emotions, and we have to reach out to others in pain. The peace on earth starts with each of us as individuals.

The acts committed by Jake England and his friend last Friday were their own. But to the extent that our culture encourages fear, anger, and aggression, we all had a hand in it. Culture is made of the beliefs and thoughts of millions of individuals. We can change our fear-based, angry culture one person at a time by working on making ourselves calmer, more peaceful, more compassionate.

I, for one, have committed myself to redoubling my efforts to learn to cope more and more effectively with my own destructive emotions (anger, fear, envy), so that I don't spread my pain on to other victims by acting out my aggression. Even an unkind word or snotty comment inflicts pain needlessly - and it doesn't even bring us any relief.

I hope others will join me in (re)committing to kindness and compassion - with this tragedy as a stark example of where mismanaged pain can lead.

[unaluna]

good post, costello, thanks for the reminder. I know I am too wishy-washy. old saying - if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem.

[costello]

I like Karen Armstrong's Charter for Compassion project:

http://charterforcompassion.org/

The principle of compassion lies at the heart of all religious, ethical and spiritual traditions, calling us always to treat all others as we wish to be treated ourselves. Compassion impels us to work tirelessly to alleviate the suffering of our fellow creatures, to dethrone ourselves from the centre of our world and put another there, and to honour the inviolable sanctity of every single human being, treating everybody, without exception, with absolute justice, equity and respect.

It is also necessary in both public and private life to refrain consistently and empathically from inflicting pain. To act or speak violently out of spite, chauvinism, or self-interest, to impoverish, exploit or deny basic rights to anybody, and to incite hatred by denigrating others—even our enemies—is a denial of our common humanity. We acknowledge that we have failed to live compassionately and that some have even increased the sum of human misery in the name of religion.

We therefore call upon all men and women ~ to restore compassion to the centre of morality and religion ~ to return to the ancient principle that any interpretation of scripture that breeds violence, hatred or disdain is illegitimate ~ to ensure that youth are given accurate and respectful information about other traditions, religions and cultures ~ to encourage a positive appreciation of cultural and religious diversity ~ to cultivate an informed empathy with the suffering of all human beings—even those regarded as enemies.

We urgently need to make compassion a clear, luminous and dynamic force in our polarized world. Rooted in a principled determination to transcend selfishness, compassion can break down political, dogmatic, ideological and religious boundaries. Born of our deep interdependence, compassion is essential to human relationships and to a fulfilled humanity. It is the path to enlightenment, and indispensable to the creation of a just economy and a peaceful global community.

[roads]

Yes, I agree, hanky--costello has given us an excellent reminder. An a most timely post for this morning, even for non-observant me !

I have to admit that I've been in my lovely cave the past few days and hadn't heard the news about this latest tragedy. As you mention, costello, it didn't result from racism alone but had its own timeline along a domino effect triggering the destructive emotions you cited (anger, fear, envy) and the other, which I see as the obverse of fear--hatred.

I think it is rare that any of us are able to recognize the depth of pain in others. This is especially a problem for children growing up in a household of tragedy. These negative emotions are sometimes being nourished in them, yet they have no concept of the soil in which it grew. But we can try, at least to be aware that there is pain--and to reach out to them, to let them know that we are aware of their suffering and want to be part of the solution, as the hankster put it, and not part of the problem.

Society is basically against individual involvement, in helping the down-trodden. For me, the heart of your post is this:

The acts committed by Jake England and his friend last Friday were their own. But to the extent that our culture encourages fear, anger, and aggression, we all had a hand in it. Culture is made of the beliefs and thoughts of millions of individuals. We can change our fear-based, angry culture one person at a time by working on making ourselves calmer, more peaceful, more compassionate.

I, for one, have committed myself to redoubling my efforts to learn to cope more and more effectively with my own destructive emotions (anger, fear, envy), so that I don't spread my pain on to other victims by acting out my aggression. Even an unkind word or snotty comment inflicts pain needlessly - and it doesn't even bring us any relief.

I commit myself to standing with you in this, Costello, and in doing this publically ... but it scares me. You know? I'll let you know how long I last.

Roadie

I think that is a very nice and compassionate way to think and I admire you for it. But I think it is also may be naive and idealistic. People like you, are not the problem.
How do you deal with people/actions like this? Victims and perpetrators were the same race. These men are heartless, coldblooded killers. Kindness and compassion would not have prevented their actions.

http://www.freep.com/article/2012040...amtramck-women

Five men were charged with murder Saturday in the abduction, torture and killing of two Michigan women.

The victims -- 18-year-old Abreeya Brown and 22-year-old Ashley Conaway -- were taken Feb. 28 from their home in Hamtramck at gunpoint and were stuffed in the trunk of a car, Wayne County Prosecutor Kym Worthy said in a statement Saturday.

The young women were found March 25 in a shallow grave in a wooded area of northwest Detroit, both bound and shot in the head.

The five charged with their murder, all from Detroit, are Brandon Cain, 26, Miguel Rodriguez, 24, Reginald Brown, 24, Jeremy Brown, 19, and Brian Lee, 25.

[costello]

That's a terrible story. I'm sorry for the victims and their families.

Originally Posted by George H.

How do you deal with people/actions like this?

The people who committed these crimes are dangerous and should be confined so the rest of us can be safe from them.

The victims deserve justice - which would come in the form of some kind of punishment for the murders.

These men are heartless, coldblooded killers.

I don't know. Maybe.

First of all, they may not actually be the criminals. They haven't been tried yet. It could be someone else is guilty.

Second, some of them may be less culpable. There may have been only one or two who were the instigators. The others may have been afraid or intoxicated or mentally deficient in some way. Or some of them may have not even been there at all but were somehow falsely accused.

Kindness and compassion would not have prevented their actions.

I think that kindness and compassion might have prevented this crime, but you'd have to go back in time - to their childhoods or infancy or maybe before they were born. We don't know their history, but I suspect they haven't been the recipients of an overabundence of kindness and compassion in this life. I would be willing to bet that most or all of these men have significant trauma in their early lives. I always remind myself that happy people don't do things like that.

Obviously that wouldn't excuse their actions - if they did this - but it can make us aware that right now there are people who are suffering. We can't really know what burdens others are carrying. We can't rescue everyone, obviously, but we can refrain from adding to their burden by acting out our aggressions against them.

For me that means being aware of what's going on with me, knowing when I'm tired or irritable, so that I can be extra careful not to pass that negativity on to others in my tone of voice or by spreading malicious gossip or by rolling my eyes or any of the hundred other things we humans tend to do when we're unhappy. First we blame others for our unhappiness, then we punish them. I guess we think we'll feel better if we "share," but it doesn't work. We still have our original misery and now the other person is less happy than they were before we crossed their path. And we probably also feel bad about ourselves for acting out.

I guess I'm recommitting to myself to "refrain and reflect." Refrain from judging and acting out aggressively. Reflect on the burden the other person must be carrying. If I see a young mother yelling at her child, for example, I'm tempted to judge her. But if I scowl at her and make a snide comment, have I helped? Or have I added the additional burden of shame to what she's already carrying? I may not be able to help her, but I can avoid adding more pain.

Back to the five young men in your example: I guarantee you that right now at this very moment there's a child suffering somewhere at the hands of the person or people who should be caring for him. I guarantee you that somewhere hate and rage and pain are building in some child's young heart. I guarantee you that some day that pain will explode outward and hurt an innocence victim. And I guarantee you that somewhere - at this very minute - there's a teacher or neighbor or aunt or someone who's just being kind to a kid who needs to see that there are good people who will love them. No drama. No fanfare. No one will ever know. But they've saved a life.

All I'm saying is if everyone would strive to refrain from adding to the sum total of pain in the world - and offer kindness when possible - we'd have fewer miserable people running around hurting others.

[costello]

Originally Posted by Roadie

I commit myself to standing with you in this, Costello, and in doing this publically ... but it scares me. You know? I'll let you know how long I last.

Roadie

Thanks, Roadie. I think if and when you fail, you should offer yourself compassion - after all you're only human - and recommit yourself.

I get discouraged, because I read the comments after the news articles, and people are sharing so much hatred and anger that I start feeling angry and scared. As Thich Nahn Hahn would say, it touches my seeds of anger and fear and makes them strong. I have to really work to remember to nuture my seeds of compassion.

[happiedasiy]

Costello,
As you know I lost my dog Happy last week, She was happy even though she came from a horrible begining....and brought a thousand smiles to all that saw her..... all we did for her was give her kindness, love, and compassion and she multipied that over and over. I agree with you in re committing myself to be kind, happy, and resolving negative thoughts/emotions.