[indigo1015]

So, I have been far more physically active and nutrition-conscious from May of 2011 to now than I was at any time before, and where has it gotten me? Drumroll, please... I'm about 25 lbs. heavier. Brilliant. If there were a Hall of Shame in this category, I'd be this year's leading contender. What's even worse is that both my primary care physician and my endocrinologist tell me that working out and eating healthy foods aren't the keys to weight loss. Well then, what the heck is? Because if you think I'm going to continue my gym membership at this point, you are sadly mistaken. Here is the hard, painful truth that I have learned over the years: overall health means NOTHING. Nada. Zip. No one cares about how healthy you are in general, what they care about is whether or not you can fit into a pair of size 4 jeans. It hurts to say this, but it's true. Why do you think I'm still single? It's not for lack of trying. I go out on dates all the time, and mostly, they are good dates. Yet I never hear back from the guys I just dated. Now, I'm a lot of things, but I am not stupid, and I know exactly how they are judging me based on how I look. It doesn't matter that, overall, I'm in good health. No, they are turned off by the fact that I'm a size 14. My clothes are nice, my hair looks great, I have clear skin and a pretty smile. I could have rotten teeth, my hair could be falling out in clumps and I could have zits everywhere, but if I were also a size 0, none of that would matter. I've seen it for myself. Nothing can describe the hurt I am feeling right now. I feel trapped - I would take Hydroxycut or Hoodia if I weren't afraid they would severely mess with other things I am taking. So, to sum it all up, I am FINISHED with trying to be active and healthy, because where has it gotten me? Absolutely nowhere. I feel doomed to be fat and lonely and quietly ostracized. And if sweating my butt off in great discomfort while looking ridiculous doesn't pay off, why should I waste the time and the energy (to say nothing of the money)? Well, I won't anymore...

[unaluna]

yeah, not really a consolation to know that if they drop the a-bomb, it'll be us chubbettes and the cockroaches that survive.

[Secretum]

((Indigo)) The opinion of a few men shouldn't get you down. I'm sure that you're beautiful, and someday you'll meet a man who will see that beauty and fall in love with it. Until then, you need to love yourself, which includes taking care of yourself. Which includes exercising. :P

If it makes you feel any better, I'm thin and I can't even get one date. So you're ahead of me there!

[IceCreamKid]

Please maintain your good health for your own sake, not some fickle man. Any man who would prefer a "size 0" woman with rotten teeth only because she's a size 0 has rocks in his head. By the way, size 0 is vanity sizing; everyone claimed to be size 5 when I was young. I thought I was enormous, elephantine and lots of girls were ready to agree with me; they were also happy to tell me I wasn't pretty because my hair wasn't bleached blonde and I wasn't wearing a lot of makeup. I look at old photos and see now that I was normal weight. Many guys don't have a clue what size their girlfriends really are; they just parrot what their girlfriends tell them. And the number of young men who don't think their girlfriends wear makeup or that beautiful girls in magazine ads or pictures look so "natural" (when they aren't by a long shot) means this to me: you are as beautiful as you think you are; I still get looks and I'm getting close to retirement age. Courage!

[likewater]

Indigo- you are most probably healthier. You probably lost fat and gained muscle mass. Muscle weighs more than fat.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Originally Posted by indigo1015

So, I have been far more physically active and nutrition-conscious from May of 2011 to now than I was at any time before, and where has it gotten me? Drumroll, please... I'm about 25 lbs. heavier. Brilliant. If there were a Hall of Shame in this category, I'd be this year's leading contender. What's even worse is that both my primary care physician and my endocrinologist tell me that working out and eating healthy foods aren't the keys to weight loss. Well then, what the heck is? Because if you think I'm going to continue my gym membership at this point, you are sadly mistaken. Here is the hard, painful truth that I have learned over the years: overall health means NOTHING. Nada. Zip. No one cares about how healthy you are in general, what they care about is whether or not you can fit into a pair of size 4 jeans. It hurts to say this, but it's true. Why do you think I'm still single? It's not for lack of trying. I go out on dates all the time, and mostly, they are good dates. Yet I never hear back from the guys I just dated. Now, I'm a lot of things, but I am not stupid, and I know exactly how they are judging me based on how I look. It doesn't matter that, overall, I'm in good health. No, they are turned off by the fact that I'm a size 14. My clothes are nice, my hair looks great, I have clear skin and a pretty smile. I could have rotten teeth, my hair could be falling out in clumps and I could have zits everywhere, but if I were also a size 0, none of that would matter. I've seen it for myself. Nothing can describe the hurt I am feeling right now. I feel trapped - I would take Hydroxycut or Hoodia if I weren't afraid they would severely mess with other things I am taking. So, to sum it all up, I am FINISHED with trying to be active and healthy, because where has it gotten me? Absolutely nowhere. I feel doomed to be fat and lonely and quietly ostracized. And if sweating my butt off in great discomfort while looking ridiculous doesn't pay off, why should I waste the time and the energy (to say nothing of the money)? Well, I won't anymore...

It is not about us all the time.

I know loneliness hurts. I am lonely too. I weigh 200 pounds. I am never ever satisfied with how I look and even if I am sometimes, there is always some voice in me saying, "yeah, but it's wasted on you. It would look a lot better on someone better than you."

My point: A self-critical voice can be sooooo insidious. We are never satisfied with ourselves. When someone does not call us or call back, we always say it's about us! Never fails.

It may not be always about us.

And even if some guy does not want to be with us because wer'e fat or stupid or whatever, that's not always about us.

I spent many years wanting a man to love me.

No matter what I tried to do, he could not fall in love with me. "You're not the weight that I want; I want a petite woman." or "You are just not on my wavelength". I bet if I read all the books he wanted me to read or had the dream conversations with him that he wanted me have, he still would not fall in love with me! And you know what? I am not sure i even want that now! I just want to be ME.

I learned that it's his taste, not me being innately bad or ugly.

I do identify so much though with dealing with that inner critic that says "You will never be loved by anyone. Don't even try to do anything because it will not make any difference".

Now I can fight that voice by saying, "Billi! Be yourself. If no one loves you, that will only help you learn to try harder to love yourself!"

And oh, g*d. I know it hurts! I feel your pain and your frustration and your despair. We are truly powerless over how others see us. But not over how we see ourselves. Yes, often it can be a lonely business loving ourselves but we must not give up.

thanks for this,

Billi

[indigo1015]

I really hope that's the case...

Originally Posted by likewater

Indigo- you are most probably healthier. You probably lost fat and gained muscle mass. Muscle weighs more than fat.

[indigo1015]

Lol, I know, right?

Originally Posted by hankster

yeah, not really a consolation to know that if they drop the a-bomb, it'll be us chubbettes and the cockroaches that survive.

Hi Indigo...Perhaps you could take a break for awhile. Not a complete one, just back off a bit to give yourself a mental rest. That's a better move than quitting altogether. I know things can seem pretty bleak but with a clearer mind you can realize that the reason you exercise isn't exclusively about looking a different way. It's part of course but you benefit in so many ways other than the cosmetic. Your body will continue to thank you. I know you realize that.

Take a break please...perhaps just back off a bit until you're feeling better about things. That's much more preferable than outright quitting. I know you know that but you're in a down situation right now. Consider a way to ease off temporarily and I'm sure you'll feel differently. I hope you do that and not stop. As well that way makes it easier to progress back to your usual workout when you're ready. I know it seems like you've hit a wall but what do you think? Doable?

[BrokenNBeautiful]

and if I were a man, I would not want to date someone who is emaciated anyways.

Just needed to post that point.

and thanks for your thanks indigo. You're welcome!

Billi

[mega54]

Hang in there