[datwisterman]

It happened as long as i could remember, selective mutism has always bin a burden, rendering my body to stay speechless no matter how much my mind wonted to speak.

I've beaten it looking like an idiot by carrying around my note pad which without one i feel empty because it has grown to be part of me.

But i always denied it and played l like i didn't need a pad to speak but i don't know if something just hit me but now that i take it how it is and accept it, it feels like i can walk and judge myself positively instead of the freak writing every word in a note pad and showing it to strike and maintain a conversation to feel like I'm not so odd.

[IceCreamKid]

Do you use an actual pad of paper and a pencil or do you use one of those electronic notepads?

[datwisterman]

pen and pad, its easiest to manage and no charging

[Moodysmood]

I always felt alone doing that. I feel so much better someone else has confessed they don't know life without jotting down everything too. I always thought I was a complete freak writing to myself, but it keeps me from going insane.

Thanks so much. I use the iPad mostly because I endured too many wrist cramps trying to keep up with a pen...

I suppose I differ only in that I never show what I write to anyone. If I show something, it's like submitting myself for judgment. It's hard for me to do.

[IceCreamKid]

Do you ever speak?

[beauflow]

I think you should do what you need to do Datwisterman-- I am glad you have found peace with yourself

Humans judge- that is no lie, but some do have perceptive on things--- I am sure not everyone saw the worst in it and still does not.

[Wants2Fly]

I agree that you should do what you need datwisterman. I was a reporter for nearly 20 years, long before smartphones and such, so carrying around a notebook was just what I did. Now my students always seem to be texting, and I don't see how it makes much difference whether it's a notepad or ipad. You have found a great coping mechanism that works for you. I think it was a smart thing to do.

[datwisterman]

Well I do, but barely talk to my family and sometimes when i feel comfortable around my friends, rarely i stand in class to give a presentation because most of my teachers understand that sometimes words don't come out.

And I would just like to say thank you to everyone who commented, reading i had a huge smile on my face and it made me feel great .

[Wants2Fly]

Ah, now your post made me smile!