[Wants2Fly]

I would not have said that Mom and I were close; she has always been a bit of narcissist and, until the past five years, critical of me along with everyone and everything else.

I worked with a therapist to use some mild cognitive conditioning on her (telling her it was great to hear her say something positive, telling her I would have to hang up if she was negative), and these past five years I have finally had the approval I wanted all my life -- and I am in my 60s.

Due to mother's dementia and overall poor health, I have had to put her in a nursing home. She is in a double room, and that is hell for introverts like us. She has no phone in her room so I can't call her -- and she isn't talking to me anyway because she is mad at me.

We have talked every Sunday morning for years and years. I miss that so much for the past month.

I can't believe I can miss this critical woman -- who was also my wonderfully elegant and clever mother -- so much.

[Leed]

Why not get her a "track phone" or something similar where you buy minutes for the phone, and you can call her on that phone so you can talk to her whenever you want to. Just keep track of the minutes on that phone, and be sure to replace the minutes whenever they get low. You can do that right from the phone when they get low. I've had one at one time, and they come in handy. That way you don't have to get a cell phone with a contract, and all that nonsense!

Just a suggestion, but it would help to keep you in contact with her more often. I know it's hard when they're in a nursing home. It's a shame they don't put phones in the nursing homes. I think they should, darn it but I know it would be quite an expense.

An attendant could help your Mom with the phone call, if she couldn't handle the phone herself. Perhaps you could call the home ahead of time to arrange your phone call to her so they could be on hand to get the phone to her, etc. It's worth a try.

God bless sweetie. I wish I could help you more. Please take care. Hugs, Lee

[Wants2Fly]

Originally Posted by Leed

Why not get her a "track phone" or something similar where you buy minutes for the phone, and you can call her on that phone so you can talk to her whenever you want to. Just keep track of the minutes on that phone, and be sure to replace the minutes whenever they get low. You can do that right from the phone when they get low. I've had one at one time, and they come in handy. That way you don't have to get a cell phone with a contract, and all that nonsense!

Just a suggestion, but it would help to keep you in contact with her more often. I know it's hard when they're in a nursing home. It's a shame they don't put phones in the nursing homes. I think they should, darn it but I know it would be quite an expense.

An attendant could help your Mom with the phone call, if she couldn't handle the phone herself. Perhaps you could call the home ahead of time to arrange your phone call to her so they could be on hand to get the phone to her, etc. It's worth a try.

God bless sweetie. I wish I could help you more. Please take care. Hugs, Lee

Thanks, Leed. I am going to do something like that. It is so cruel to rip old people out of their lives and then have a hall phone that is brought to them.

I am still thinking about removing Mother to the phone to my care, but I am not sure if she is well enough to travel to Florida.

I am having a hard time managing my emotions enough to make the phone calls I need to do to get info from the home.

Thank you so much for responding.

[Leed]

This has got to be so hard for you. I'm so sorry. Seeing your Mom is such poor health, and not being able to do much about it has got to be so difficult. God, I wish they could do something about Alzheimers!!! The family suffers to much, as well as the patient!

Please know that you're in my prayers! Keep us posted will you? God bless. ((((hugs)))) Lee

[Wants2Fly]

Mom is not well enough to travel to Florida, my aunts (her sisters) who visited her last week have told me. So many days, I feel as if I cannot deal with another second more of this. It takes up all my emotions from one end of the day to the next.

[Leed]

I know how *I* would feel -- I'd be out of my mind! But you can't be there, sweetie, and there's nothing you can do. You're just going to have to TRUST that she's getting the best care possible.

I don't know how aware your mother is, but is it possible she wouldn't know if you were even there? And if you WERE there, would she possibly forget it within minutes?

Alzheimers is a very cruel disease, I know. But it would be terrible if you took time to fly down there only to have her forget it within a very few minutes. And I know you can't anyway. So try not to beat yourself up -- you can't be there. She's being cared for. That's all that's important. So please don't beat yourself up for caring too much. God bless sweetie & take care of YOU. Hugs, Lee

[Wants2Fly]

Hi Leed -- She recognizes people. However, she blames me for putting her there, so all she says is, "Are you taking me home."

When I say I can't, she tells me to get out of the room.

My aunts, her sisters, want me to fly up again as she is so frail, but it agitates her and makes me so sad. I am going in August, but I don't know about a July trip.

Thank you so much, Leed, for this conversation. I really appreciate that you have taken the time to comment for me, a stranger.