[MandaMay]

I wish I could get a grip and not be all over the place. I am on a mood stabilizer, but it does not seem to be helping much, except for the fact that my lupus is more under control pain wise...LOL. (I am Dx with childhood Bi-polar going on 23 years ago) we took our kids to the county fair and saw a dance group there. My 4 yo daughter wanted to join them, and all I could do is whisper in her ear "that used to be mommy.... Mommy used to move like that... Mommy used to dance just like that girl..." and so on and so forth. I kept choking back tears and tried not to blubber, you see my daughter has ASD and we dont know if she will be able to do organised activities, or even school, which she starts this fall as a special ed case... and even that upsets me, not the going to school part, but the part that she has gotten to a point I cant help her anymore... like I said I am all over the place, between that, my "marriage" being a disaster my family telling me I am not fit to be a parent because my disability is getting in the way.... I just want to lock my self up somewhere and be forgotten and then no one would have to "deal" with me anymore....

[Leed]

What kind of a family tells their daughter that she's not "fit" to be a mother? What's the matter with them? Why can't they be supportive? You would think they would do ANYTHING THEY COULD do be more supportive and help you out! I just don't understand. This is so sad.

Your marriage is a disaster? Have you tried marriage counseling? Can you try it? I would say to look to your family for support but thats OUT. Do you have friends that can offer you some support? I certainly hope so because you need SOME support from someone, somewhere!! We can offer it here for sure, but the face-to-face support is important too!

Try to get into therapy if you can. It will help you alot. Plus marriage counseling is needed too since your marriage is in trouble. Bless your heart, you have too many troubles for one person. I wish you the very best. Please keep us posted, ok? God bless & please take care. Hugs, Lee

[shezbut]

(((MandaMay)))

Have you talked with your doctor about the mood stabilizer not providing much relief to you? Perhaps a higher dosage, or adding a secondary medicine will help make life a little more manageable.

It is very sad that you are having difficulties with your marriage. You've got a lot of stress going on in your life, which often affects marriages. I know that my ex-hub couldn't take all of the drama constantly occurring in my life. It was very sad for me, when he declared in marital counseling that he couldn't take anymore. It was the end. I do recommend that you try to work through your problems w/ your hub in counseling. Hopefully, you two will find the strength and devotion that you need to make your marriage more solid and happier.

Regarding your family, that just makes me so sad! Their negative banter is only hurtful, not helpful for anyone. Maybe you should have fewer interactions with them to keep yourself feeling a little more positive abut your life & who you are.

Gentle hugs sent your way....best wishes!