[dailyhealing]

I am having a situation that is really causing me a lot of pain today. I work with kids a lot, and this summer am involved in an arts program where I am working with some troubled kids (and some who are not troubled). I support volunteers and help manage behavior if anything arises. There is one girl in particular who is 18 and has been around the program off and on for the last 4 years. She and I have had our difficulties as she shuts down and my response tends to set her off. I have tried many different things but none seem to work.

Last week she was upset about something that had nothing to do with me, and by the end of the night it had been turned into me being the bad guy. I did have to direct her one time to sit down after she had been upset when she was off task. She is close with the director of the program and said to her that I yelled at her and was rude. I wasn't, I'm very calm when talking to kids but that is how she heard it. Also, the director and I are good friends and she knows I would not behave in this way. One week later and she is still very mad at me and gives me dirty looks and will not speak to me when I ask her something. I am meeting with my friend (the director of the program) on Friday to talk about this more. I trust her and even though I am hurting right now and not feeling very open to much I am trying to go into it with an open mind. I know where there is pain for me there is something to learn and a need to heal.

Thanks for reading that, I felt like background was needed before I talked about how I'm doing. I am hurting a lot today! I struggle a lot when I think people don't like me. I know I'm supposed to not worry about what others think of me, but I'm not very good at that sometimes. I have kids angry at me all the time and it doesn't hurt because the vast majority of the time I can set emotional boundaries and know it has nothing to do with me. I can't do that yet in this case. And while cognitively I know this is not really about me, to be singled out and targeted has somehow triggered some deep hurt in me.

I am very upset with myself as I feel I should not be so childish and be bothered by this troubled girl's treatment of me. But I am not there, and I am feeling very self-critical and I guess just hurt. I guess I am just putting this out there to get it out in the open. Not sure what I'm looking for, but any support or feedback would be appreciated. Thanks all!

[beauflow]

((Daily Healing))

Don't be so hard on yourself--

You know logically that this is something with in the student as you have mentioned and you are the target... Even though logically you may know that, emotionally being a target hurts even if one knows the issues with the other person, it can hurt really bad..
I am sorry this is not much help-- but be kinder to your self is one thing. and keep talking to the director as well. If the director and this girl are close, perhaps the director can help the girl out a little more if they know more about her

[cactus lover]

I have been in your situation, I am a teacher myself, once a student was very angry with me because she failed the subject I teach, she wrote me that I had been unfair with her and she was much too good for me. She even went with the head of my department and compleined about me saying that I choose whom to fail and I change the marks of her classmates. I just stick to the truth and tried not to think about what was not under my control When I was asked to talk to the head of the deparment I was less nervous that I expected, just holding myself to the facts and not to what could happened or what others thought about me. Do that, just think about what happened and not about the past or your fears or feelings. Good luck!

[kindachaotic]

I can see how you would be hurt & upset.
Do you think she has figured out this is troubling you & using it to her advantage? Especially since she is friends with your director.

It is so easy to second guess yourself, not think you tried hard enough, ect.
But you did try & she has issues, none of which are your fault.
Easy for us to arm chair quarterback. Just know you've been heard& believed.
This has triggered you, I'm glad you shared & got it off your chest.
Take it easy on yourself.

[dailyhealing]

Thanks for your responses, I am doing a lot better today. My mind yesterday was completely stuck it's depressive thoughts and feelings. I knew I wasn't thinking straight and yet there was nothing I could do to stop it, I guess it just had to play itself out... I'm feeling better today and will go into my talk with my friend (the director) tomorrow with a more open mind. Thanks again everyone for your thoughts and support!