[BatsAndButterflies]

Well this was just another morning at my house. Nothing out of the ordinary.

I woke up to breaking glass, slamming doors, and curses that no two people who love each other should ever utter. My dad always breaks things. Last fight he broke their bedroom door. When I was younger he punched a hole in the wall, a door, and broke another just by slamming it too hard. Today he broke a vase of my mom that had a bunch of decorations in it. I came downstairs after hiding in my room until I couldn't hold it and had to go to the bathroom too bad. I saw dad picking up all the pieces of the vase. I walked through the living room and pillows were all over the room and the trash was strewn across the floor between the kitchen, living room, and apparently my dad had thrown my mom's shoes away. She threw away a bunch of the framed pictures in his office.

She kept saying horrible things about him and saying she hates him. The fights are both of their fault and so it the anxiety. I'm just sad and frustrated... I don't know how to handle this situation.

[Leed]

omg -- I have visions of my years of growing up. It was awful. I'm so sorry you have to live among all this violence. And that's what it is. Violence and anger. I'm sorry, but I don't know how old you are, but no one should have to live with this kind of activity!

You know, if they can't get along, they should get a divorce! When they act like this YOU should call the police on them. Let one or both of them get arrested, and maybe this nonsense will stop! One of these days, one of them is going to get hurt. They might not hit each other NOW, BUT THEY WILL. Just wait and see. I never thought MY parents would resort to that either, but they did.

Like I said, I don't know how old you are, but isn't there somewhere else you could live -- with relatives or something? Do you have friends you could live with? You shouldn't have to live with that kind of violence.

Please keep us posted, will you? God bless & take care. Hugs, Lee

[beauflow]

(((BatsandButterflies)) this is no environment for you or your little brother to grow up in--
I know I read Leed's reply and say YES- Call the cops, but then again I also know how hard and scary that may be- but sometimes it is what is needed....... hell even as an adult I was unable to call the cops- but at least as an adult i could leave- you are still growing up, you do not have that choice and by no means am I saying you should leave on your own-- but something needs to be done. This is not a healthy environment for you or your brother and mentally does not do you well.

My older sister to use to take me to a neighbors and their parents would call the cops when domestic violence would occur... do you have an out lit like that or an other older relative that you can call when things hit the fan?

Many Hugs to you

[BatsAndButterflies]

Originally Posted by Leed

omg -- I have visions of my years of growing up. It was awful. I'm so sorry you have to live among all this violence. And that's what it is. Violence and anger. I'm sorry, but I don't know how old you are, but no one should have to live with this kind of activity!

You know, if they can't get along, they should get a divorce! When they act like this YOU should call the police on them. Let one or both of them get arrested, and maybe this nonsense will stop! One of these days, one of them is going to get hurt. They might not hit each other NOW, BUT THEY WILL. Just wait and see. I never thought MY parents would resort to that either, but they did.

Like I said, I don't know how old you are, but isn't there somewhere else you could live -- with relatives or something? Do you have friends you could live with? You shouldn't have to live with that kind of violence.

Please keep us posted, will you? God bless & take care. Hugs, Lee

I'm 20. I hate that I have to stay here, but I'm dependent on them for now while I'm in college. I have no car, so I can't get out right now. I've told them to get counseling, but they just never do it! They say they love each other, but they have a bad way of showing it. I feel like they are just making each other miserable. I'm also scared that they are going to end up getting hurt.

My mom actually did get hurt one time. It was an accident, but they were arguing and she went to pick up a trashcan as dad lifted it up and it hit her in the eye and temporarily blinded her. We had to go to the hospital. I could probably stay with my grandmother, but I don't want to leave my brother here in this. He's only a baby. Luckily I go back to school in 28 days...

[BatsAndButterflies]

Originally Posted by beauflow

(((BatsandButterflies)) this is no environment for you or your little brother to grow up in--
I know I read Leed's reply and say YES- Call the cops, but then again I also know how hard and scary that may be- but sometimes it is what is needed....... hell even as an adult I was unable to call the cops- but at least as an adult i could leave- you are still growing up, you do not have that choice and by no means am I saying you should leave on your own-- but something needs to be done. This is not a healthy environment for you or your brother and mentally does not do you well.

My older sister to use to take me to a neighbors and their parents would call the cops when domestic violence would occur... do you have an out lit like that or an other older relative that you can call when things hit the fan?

Many Hugs to you

I'm terrified of calling the cops. I don't know if my parents would ever forgive me for that. If it ever gets to the point where I fear for my safety or either of theirs then I would have to make a tough decision. I get to leave in 28 days for school and only have to come back during holidays. I'm hoping that they will try and spare my brother from the yelling since they know what it did to me... I just want it to stop. I don't want to have to sit in my room with the TV loud, just so I can pretend that nothing is happening...

[BatsAndButterflies]

And now they're doing it again... my heart is going crazy. I'd leave and go to my grandmother's but I have to watch my brother tomorrow. Can't do that.... ugh. I feel so trapped.

Originally Posted by BatsAndButterflies

And now they're doing it again... my heart is going crazy. I'd leave and go to my grandmother's but I have to watch my brother tomorrow. Can't do that.... ugh. I feel so trapped.

(((B&B) This is no way to live. I am so sorry this is happening.

Can you take your brother with you to your Grandmother's? You mentioned he is just a baby...

...please take care of both of you and get away. Is your Grandmother strong enough to stand up for you two and your well-being?

[BatsAndButterflies]

My grandmother is definitely strong enough. My dad is working overnight tonight, so maybe it will be ok for the rest of the night.

Originally Posted by BatsAndButterflies

My grandmother is definitely strong enough. My dad is working overnight tonight, so maybe it will be ok for the rest of the night.

That is good, Sweetie.

I am sorry, I don't know the full background...

Can you call your Grandmother and make arrangements for you and your brother to stay with her (while things are relatively calm) ... you can make a plan.

[Open Eyes]

You should video them in action with your phone or something. They need to see how bad it looks to you and it is certainly no environment to raise a baby in either.

I think your parents have very bad communication and they just keep at each other, don't know how to listen. I am sorry that you have this going on around you, they say they love each other? Well, they need to know how to create a proper respectful "safe" environment for thier children. They are not being considerate of that at all.

So tape them when you see that, as much as you can. Then when you get enough you should have a family meeting and show them what YOU see and tell them it really effects you and it will do the same for your baby brother. Tell dad that his little son will problem solve the same way, and he may end up in jail or suicidal someday because of that toxic atmosphere.

(((Hugs)))
Open Eyes

[BatsAndButterflies]

I agree. I will definitely try to tape them. I'm just scared that it will make them even madder at me. When they were arguing yesterday, I was starting to panic about the slamming doors and stuff. I cam down stairs once it had calmed a bit and mom asked what was wrong. I told her that the slamming was making me anxious and she just got mad, stomped into her room and slammed the door again making me jump out of my skin. Blah.

[Open Eyes]

(((BatsAndButterflies)))),

What you are discribing is a very disfunctional family situation. This is very wrong and not FAIR to you at all as well as your little brother. Your mother needs some REAL GUIDANCE for HER DISFUNCTIONAL BEHAVIOR PATTERNS.

Honestly? Keep videoing your parents acting out like this and find a therapist for yourself and show him what you are witnessing. This has to stop and get corrected, it is not fair at all for this little baby to grow up in this environment. It isn't fair to you either. Someone has to speak up here.

(((Hugs)))
Open Eyes

[xoxmar66xox]

Call the police and say your a concerned neighbor, they will never know it was you!

[BatsAndButterflies]

That is a very good idea... I think I'll remember that next time it happens. Will they let you stay anonymous if you call in? They won't ask my name will they?

Originally Posted by BatsAndButterflies

That is a very good idea... I think I'll remember that next time it happens. Will they let you stay anonymous if you call in? They won't ask my name will they?

Call the 7 (10) digit number not 911. Pretty sure 911 would ID you.
I had a little experience with parents fighting while growing up.
I'm so sorry you have to go through that

[CastlesInTheAir]

yikes I am so sorry you have to go through this! I wish you had a friend to stay with or something! Stay strong and stay safe!

[missbelle]

So very sorry you have to go thru this!!!

[BatsAndButterflies]

It's ok... I'll be back in school in 26 days. I can make it!

I'm sorry I just saw this post. I'm sorry you have to live like this right now. My wife and I have done plenty wrong, but we never argue in front of the kids. We both lived through abusive households as children and we vowed to never yell, scream, throw things around and of course No Violence.

Just take care of yourself and your baby brother. You cannot fix them...

[notz]

(((((((((BatsAndButterflies)))))))))))

[BatsAndButterflies]

I know I can't. I just really wish i could. It's so frustrating. I always feel like it's somehow my fault. Even though I know I shouldn't think that way.

All you can do is vow to not act that way yourself

I know it must be really difficult on you

[Open Eyes]

Its too bad that they will be able to continue this behavior and have an infant absorb these upsetting signals.

I lived like that in my childhood as well and I suffered a lot of anxiety because of it.

Open Eyes

[Open Eyes]

(((BatsandButterflies))),

What you are really seeing in your parents is that they "don't know how to respect each other's boundaries". The problem with them is because they are "both" coming from a position of not wanting to "give in" they end up throwing things and never really getting anything established when they communicate. They are probably bringing their issues home from their jobs as well.

This is something they never learned growing up, they both probably grew up in some kind of disfuction where they never got to express their emotions and even be validated. So their interactions all express a need to be validated and neither of them know how to do that. They are pushing against each other when they both need the same thing. I have struggled with this in my own relationship with my husband and it is for the reasons I just discribed. I can be talking about something important to me and he can just walk away to do something else and "not hear me".

The bottom line is that your parents are in desperate need of marriage counceling so they can learn how to share and respect each other verses "throwing things around and yelling all the time".

No wonder why you can't wait to go back to school, your parents probably don't listen to you either.

I can relate to you so much, right down to playing my guitar and singing in my room.
But with me, my father didn't let me go to music school where I should have gone and been exposed to good mentors that recognized my talents and needs.

I am sure you find your own highs, but by being around the disfuction your parents present to you, the lows come back to just get you down again. I had that too, my parents didn't really "see me" the way I needed them to. These lows are the stress you feel because of your confusing environment.

Your parents need this "marriage counceling" so they don't do this same disfunction with your baby brother.

Copy my post and give it to them. They need to know they have to change and not do this in front of yet another child.

It is time for your parents to see they have some "issues" they need to work through and stop "yelling" and stomping around like children.
(((Hugs)))
Open Eyes

[BatsAndButterflies]

They both came from frustrating home situations. I can definitely see how that has had an influence on their communication. They are finally trying to find a marriage counselor. Thank you very much for your insight.