[betha1234]

So like, I don't really know where to put this. But I just want to see if what I'm feeling is normal or not. Basically, I don't like to be good at things, or at least better at things than other people. I think it stems from my childhood, when I was bad at everything I did, and was used to other people being generally better than me at everything else. I didn't learn to read until I was 8, was awful at math and science, and was just bad at all other elementary school level classes. But I didn't really care.

Now I'm in highschool and I'm learning that I'm actually good at things, and it makes me uncomfortable. Oh crap now it sounds like I'm trying to gloat. If it sounds that way, I'm sorry because I'm really not trying to. But this uncomfortableness has started to mess with my life. Sometimes I fail tests on purpose so when I compare test scores with my friends, I have a lower grade. My mom found out and went on this rant about how I'm not normal and this isn't good and I need to actually try. I'm on the bowling team at my school, and the other day I bowled a higher score than a really good player. I felt really bad and started crying and bought him dinner because I felt so bad.

But it can't be that abnormal, right? The only person who knows that I feel this way is my mom, and she says it's abnormal and goes against human nature. But she says that about me for everything I do. So do you feel these things? Do you like to do bad, rather than good, on anything? Is it normal?

[Leed]

Don't be afraid to SHINE at what you do!! You are not gloating! But you NEED to do your VERY BEST -- so what if you're better than your friends! They will LOOK UP to you and think that you're the greatest!!! You will be a role model, and they will try harder because of YOU. You might take a little ribbing because of it, but it's all in good fun -- you can take that, can't you? You have GOT to try your very hardest, but never be afraid to SHINE. Never be afraid to show how SMART you are or how good you are at things, ilike bowling. If I was in school and could have done as good as you, I would have been SO PROUD. The ONLY think I could do well was sing -- I was the choir's soloist for 4 years, and that made me very proud! People were actually jealous of me.

So do the very best you can. No one is going to hate you for it. They might tease you, but so what? You're doing your best for YOU. It's important to do your best -- what about college? Maybe you'll get some scholarships and get to go to college!!! So you go, man! Show them how smart you are!!! Cause just by your post, I can tell that you ARE smart! God bless & keep me posted on how you're doing, will you? I'd like to know. Hugs, Lee

[Blue Coral]

I don't know if it is normal or not but you are not alone in feeling the way you do. It started for me when kids would get angry and jealous when I did something better than them. It was always hard for me to make friends to begin with so in order to keep them I just played dumb or pretended to be bad in sports. I would tell myself, especially in high school, play dumb. My reasons for doing it have changed as I got older. When I do it now it is sometimes to spare someones feelings. I remember I was taking a calculus class with a girl I knew. Anyway, the class was hard, we both struggled, her more than me. When the final grade came in she was so excited. I congratualted her and when asked all I said was "Thankfully I passed". I did better than she did but I didn't want to take away from her achievement. I also do it because I don't like to be the center of attention.

I guess my advice is don't be afraid to be yourself. Always do your best, always. Most people will be happy for you and those who aren't aren't worth worrying about. Like the previous post said - dont be afraid to SHINE. Take it from someone who always hid.