[iamspecial]

Wasn't a good day yesterday at all. I went to a funeral to someone who i was fairly close to, I spent christmas with them last year and yesterday i had to say goodbye to one of them. They both was lovely and i loved them both a lot and yesterday i didn't know what to do with myself. I feel like i let them both down by not being able to visit them more when he got really ill and was in the hospice due to having my own issues and having Uni and work and therapy and my one to one i just didn't have time to get over to see anyone. So I wasn't able to see him before he died and i wasn't there for his wife so I think that's why she has been really cold with me but it wasn't my fault. Before i went back to Uni i was always at her's when she was in and if she was going to the hospital to see him then i'd go with her but even then she started to get really funny with me and i didn't know why. My horrible auntie who hates me because she was making me ill and i got told by my doctor that i had to rest because it wasn't doing me any good with being at hers all the time and going to bed really late and being up the next day for college (i was at college at the time) so because i was made to rest she turned on me and ever since she has been trying to turn everyone against me and i think it's actually working now. It deffo is with this friend, can't believe it but well there is no other way really to explain it. Guess she doesn't love me anymore thanks to this horrid auntie

So i was saying that I went to the funeral and was kinda ok, was upset and didn't feel well at all but i went. It wasn't easy, i went to the church service and then to the Crematorium where he was being cremated and i did go to the pub where they were having the (not sure what it's called really) but i got there looked around, started to panic and felt the need to get out and felt not welcomed so i thought of going home and well i rang my dad to come pick me up and he did!! I said goodbye to the people who was there who i knew (just not my horrid auntie) and i saved my friend who's husband it was to the last to say goodbye too, i was crying when i was saying goodbye but didn't say anything to why i was leaving, i just left. Everytime i went to give my friend who's husband it was a hug yesterday she couldn't get rid of me quick enough but my horrid auntie kept saying things in her ear which the more she did the more she didn't want to know me so i didn't feel like she wanted me there.

So i just couldn't stay at the pub, it upset me that she did push me away and was off with me for the second time this week. I wont hold it against her but i just couldn't stay there. I think i waited about 20 minutes before i decided to leave and go home so i didn't go right away. I just couldn't stay with the way that i felt and when i said bye to my friend who's husband it was (while crying) i told her i'd see her later and that i was sorry, she asked what was wrong but i just walked away and didn't say, yesterday was about her husband and her loss and i wasn't going to say something that might have upset her. I got home, got attacked with kisses and hugs of Lucky (he is soooooooooooooooooooooooo sweet and cute!!!! Don't know what i'd without him) then i got changed into my PJ's and went to sleep, i didn't eat anything yesterday i just got in and slept. I didn't want to do anything else. I did wake up to do my daily challenge and once i had done it, i wanted to go back to sleep but i didn't till later and now i feel like rubbish again. I wasn't wanted there by her and i prob wont be now my auntie has her claws into her. I think i need to accept that no one cares anymore and that everyone just wants to reject me so i might as well just accept that i'm just a reject and not needed by anyone. Can't handle anymore of this, i'm losing too many people at once it's not fair

[gma45]

I am sorry you are feeling so bad. From what you wrote it sounds to me like your friend was going through a lot with the loss of her husband, I bet she has no idea about how you feel and I am sure she didn't want you to be hurt, who knows what your aunt was telling her. We all get busy in our lives so don't feel guilty about not being able to spend more time with them. Maybe after things calm down a bit you could go visit and let her know how you are feeling without your aunt being around. You are not a reject! What would poor Lucky do without you? You are needed!

[iamspecial]

Thank you gma45, She really isn't the same anymore with me and everytime i try to go visit her to talk to her, that horrid auntie is always there so i don't get to talk to her!! Think it's best i just let go. No point anymore, i give up!! Lucky doesn't need me, he has my mom and dad so i don't think he would miss me if i was gone, oh well. Thank you for taking time to reply to this post!!

[Vossie42]

Wow, what a horrible experience you've been going through! Is there any way you can meet your friend at a cafe or someplace to talk without her auntie being around? I think Lucky would miss you more than you know.

[iamspecial]

I have tried to get her to meet me but my auntie takes her everywhere now so that wont work My horrid auntie is only doing it because she wants attention which she is getting, behind my friends back and other people's she is calling them all sorts of name. She is so two faced but they don't see that of her, i think there is only one person who does see it and that person doesn't like her or talks to her!! Oh well i'll just leave it be.....nothing i can do really. Thank you for your comment!!