[Penny T. StDuhnam]

Hi there. It's been awhile. I've been crying for about an hour now. Just sobbing. There's laundry piled up, toys strewn about, blankets here and there, the carpet needs vacuumed. I have three kids in the house all under 13 but over 7.

I can't parent effectively, I can't clean effectively, I can't do anything effectively on a consistent, daily basis.

I had cleaned the kitchen and living room two days ago but, of course, it doesn't stay that way. The kids like to watch TV and play on the computer or playstation. If I ask them to do chores I always get a tidal wave of push back. I do take things away which causes the tidal wave to increase and sends me into a tail spin.

I'm so completely overwhelmed. I wish I had someone to call. I just can't do it. I'm don't even feel like a real person (real people do their laundry, work, take care of their kids with only minor disruptions).

I know, I know, do a little at a time. This is a huge elephant but I haven't been taught to eat.

I get so overwhelmed when I look at all the tasks I have ahead. Thanksgiving is ruined. Food is cooking. . we plan to eat at 3 but I don't even feel like breathing.

I don't have motivation. I don't know what to do. No family other than my kids. Friends, I feel, see me as a liability. They talk a big a game about being there for me. But, honestly, no one is. I feel like a complete joke.

I hate the route I'm on. But I can't never get off of it and it just gets worse and worse.

I know, I know. . .get some mental health. Well, when you're already 100k in debt and bill collectors calling for medical bills, mental health bills (the only things I pay on time are my mortgage, car and other household bills - yes, I have a cell phone and cable)

I need a miracle.

I've already yelled today. No one is happy. . well, they bounce back pretty good. They are playing a board game but we are living in ****. And the responsibility for that reality solely lies on my inept shoulders.

I don't want to quit.

[Penny T. StDuhnam]

The reason I stop. . . it because of my internal rage monster. I can't handle the stress of keeping this house when the kids give so much push back. I feel backed into corner and that opens the door to my internal rage monster.

I think I need to say that. . . I can't cope with all things at once. I just can't. I try. . . I get on top of things then without fail the kids will fight then something will break or spill or the car will break down. I can't cope. Don't know how.

[Thunder Bow]

Depression is a burden and takes away energy and motivation. Medical help is adviseable. Take an easy on yourself, it is OK to skip a day cleaning. You need a break, ask for help in cooking and cleaning. You do not have to be responsable for Everything!