[ability.to]

My mom is a former teacher who gone insane about 10 years ago. She thinks that all the schoolchildren she was teaching are now dead because of her bad teaching. And now she thinks that other people are dying too. Her hallucinations are definitely worry her so much you can't even talk to her freely. She always sees things like coffins, all the buildings seem to be wrecked to her. And every thing she sees she always thinks it is due to all the people are dead because of her and the rest of the people planning on how to kill her eventually. She did try to commit suicide few times. It was really scary. Once, I was living with my parents, dad found her.
Mother was rescued.

Usually she spends about 1 or 2 months per year in mental hospital. But after the latest suicide commitment she is in the hospital for about 1 year already. I'm visiting her every week and it comes so hard. She really believes what she thinks. And she really thinks she's seeing me for the last time because they will kill her soon. She gets very strong medication yet when I meet her she looks so excited and at the same time suppressed.

I realize that probably she can never recover and will remain her current state. The thing is when I get back home I literally crying for one whole day imagining she is thinking her terrible thought right at this moment. And she really does all the time. I realize her life is a nightmare. And I am crying more and more. The last time I've been in the hospital on Saturday. I was crying all the Saturday and Monday literally. And I cry every evening before I fall asleep. I am starting to be scared about myself already. I just feel like a want to cry all the time. And I can do nothing about it. Sometimes I starting to think it is better to let her die next time she has a remission if she tries to commit suicide again.

Other problems here are that my dad found another woman. So my mom just cannot return to her own home. And my mom sometimes can think quite clearly. She understands she cannot be back home and also says she ruined my life. She cannot do anything about her mental illness. Nobody can do anything. For me it is also a problem to find a girl because once she wants me to show her my parents I'm breaking the relationship. I just don't know what to say. I have something to hide. Even my friends don't know about my mother. It is possible to put her in the mad house (or lunatic asylum, not sure how does it called) but in this case I will only be able to see her once a month or so. And anyway I am going to cry until she dies.

How would you handle this?

If this is a topic for another forum can one of the moderator please put it in the right place?

Thanks!

[neeshi]

Welcome to Psych Central, ability.to...

It sure sounds like you have a lot to deal with regarding your mother and the many ways that it affects you and your relationships. I hope others on this board will offer their insights regarding your post and the questions you raised.

Again, welcome. I do hope that you find friendship and support here.

[ability.to]

Originally Posted by neelamishi

Welcome

Thank you!

i've not really anything good to say, but hello... i'm listening to you

[Leed]

Bless your heart. I know you love your mother, and I know this hurts you seeing her in this condition. You may have to face the fact that she will never be able to come home. This happens to some people. They just don't recover, but then there are people who after years and years of hospitalization, they all of a sudden recover -- and are just fine!! So there IS hope. NEVER give up hope!

Now, you CANNOT let this ruin YOUR life. That would totally devastate her!! And if someone asks you where your mother is, just tell them she's been hospitalized for a long time -- if they ask what's wrong with her, just tell them you'd rather not talk about it, and leave it at that. It's really none of their business, right? And that goes for any girlfriend, unless you get really close and then you can share ONLY what you feel comfortable sharing.

So your Dad found another woman? Well, after a year I imagine he's lonely. And he knows too that your Mom probably won't be coming home any time soon. She may never come home, my friend. Your Dad has talked to the doctors and he knows more than you do, I'm certain. They have probably given him a prognosis. So Dad has probably figured that it's "okay" for him to seek the company of another woman. And I guess I don't really blame your Dad -- I'm sure he IS lonely. I think he should have talked it over with you though before he started dating.

Perhaps you could ask your dad about getting you some therapy, because you could really use it. I'm NOT saying that you're crazy or you're following in your Mom's footsteps or ANYTHING even close to that. What I'm saying is you're having a tough time dealing with all this -- the fact that your Mom is in the hospital, the fact that your Dad is dating, and the fact that you're crying all the time. I just think you need a professional to talk to. I think you'd benefit greatly from a therapist. Talk to your Dad about it, okay? Promise?

I wish you the very best my friend. God bless you and PLEASE keep us posted as to what happens and how you're doing. Hugs, Lee

[ffgal82]

Ive had 8 i believe psych hospitalizations. I can sympathize w how you are feeling bc i see how it effects my family n friends. Most of them just cant handle being there in general or seeing me there. Only a few people i will let visit me because of this. Hang in there n dont lose hope.