[JayJay2]

I am not coping well with my anger and fear of people, I went through a LOT of traumas and I haven't recovered well, at the moment I can't afford therapy and recently I have got worse, I can't cope with people at all and if I lose my temper I hate myself for it and feel ashamed and bad.

[Open Eyes]

Jay, I am so sorry you are struggling like this, I went for a while myself without therapy because I could not afford it either. But then I got so bad that I began looking and found a therapist that gave me a break and charged me 1/2 what he normally charges. So, if you can see what you "can" afford, I suggest you try to see if you can find a T you can work with.

At least you have PC, that helped me alot too. At least you have access to others that understand, and yes it is hard to recover and "heal" from a history of abuse, but you "can" work through it. I have seen you posting around the forums, it is clear to me you are a caring and "nice" person. You deserve to get validated and help in your healing.

(((Hugs))))

Open Eyes

[roads]

There's lots of information here on the PsychCentral site concerning post traumatic stress and its treatment. This link with get you started on the basics ~ http://psychcentral.com/disorders/ptsd/ Lots of folks here have similar issues, and posting on those forums will usually get good information from people who've been through the same stuff.

sorry to hear how things are going fror you jay.

((((((hugs

[Thunder Bow]

When you were little your were probably shamed by your parents for having tantrums and being agery. It is OK to be angery without feeling ashamed of yourself!

[JayJay2]

Originally Posted by Thunder Bow

When you were little your were probably shamed by your parents for having tantrums and being agery. It is OK to be angery without feeling ashamed of yourself!

No, that isn't what happened, my parents were more the either didn't notice I existed or threw me accross the room type. My childhood was much more than about tantrums, I wouldn't have dared to have one and they certainly didn't care enough to 'shame' me if I had dared, that is so far removed from how it was but thank you.
I am ashamed because I hurt people, especially my friends, when I lash out.
This isn't to upset you, but the source of the problems isn't tantrums.

[leona.mccauley]

Hey Jay, I'm sorry for you. I would suggest you to keep your mind calm and try to avoid anger as much as possible.

[shezbut]

Hi Jay,

I'm sorry that you're having a difficult time regulating your emotions, leading to inappropriate & painful outbursts. I've had more than a few of those myself, which led to a lot of guilt and shame.

I would recommend trying to work through your emotions physically, so they don't become overloaded & just waiting to burst, right under the surface. Write, draw, exercise, art or handyman projects, self soothing tasks (listening to relaxing music, try imagery, coloring, a nice bath, etc) are just a few things off a very long list of activities that we can do to relieve stress and build positive memories.

DBT Affirmations List (some may be helpful to you, others not so much. Use what you can)

Today is the first day of the rest of my life and I will take notice of the many positive things this day has to offer.
I am beautiful.
I like myself.
I like my body.
I can feel how beautiful I am.
I do not need to respond to my emotions with food. Rather I am in control of my eating habits and eat only when I am hungry.
I have the time to exercise and see and feel my body has strength, poise and assurance.
I walk with determination and confidence.
I can see and feel that I am physically fit.
I hold my head high.
I am strong physically and mentally and emotionally.
It is easy for me to be in control of my body; both with my eating and exercising habits.
I enjoy looking good and feeling healthy.
I live a healthy, positive lifestyle.
People like me and I like myself and I am happy.
I can see how much people like me and how much I like myself.
I am loved and supported by people who are important to me.
I love and care about others and they know this because I show it to them.
I am a loving and caring person.
I sometimes enjoy being with people and feel good about my interactions.
I see myself as beautiful and intelligent and confident and that is how others see me.
I have friends who care about me, and I care about them.
I feel great as I live with the confidence to be myself and live by my own inner guidance and can interrelate to those around me, without sacrificing my own values, goals and purposeful direction.
I have a lot to be proud of.
Today I feel good
I am happy.
I am glad to be alive
I am in control of my life.
I have personal power.
I am perfectly me.
I am the best I can be.
I am centered and well-balanced.
I have confidence and poise.
I live by my positive choices.
I accept myself for who I am and I like myself.
I know that I am not perfect and never will be, but I like who I am.
I have perseverance.
I am intelligent.
I make wise choices to the best of my ability.
I enjoy the process of learning and becoming all that I want to be.
I am able to express my emotions in a healthy, positive way.
I can do anything I want.
I have many options and always make the best decisions I can.
I have stability in my life and in my self.
I am willing to take the risks necessary to being happy and living the kind of life I have chosen for myself.
I am moving in a positive direction towards my goals.
I have everything I want.
All that I want and desire is within me to achieve.
I have limitless resources and I use those resources for good.
There is enough time in the day to do all that I want to do.
There is nothing I cannot do or be if I want to.
Today I will be calm and confident.
I am everything I want to be.
I am happy with what I do.
Everyday is better than the next.
My life has purpose
There is no one else I would rather be.
There is no place else I would rather be.
I am in control of my choices and I like them.
All that life has to offer me is wonderful and it is my daily choice to enjoy that beauty.
There is abundance in the Universe and it is there to help me and I can use it.
No matter what the events of the day, the Universe is positive and will always be with me to help me through my choices, and struggles and acts as my inner guidance, direction and purpose and this is something I can always count on.
Today is my day. There is no person, no thing, no event or activity that can destroy this day for me.
I have the courage to accept the things I cannot change, to make choices to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
There is no limit to what I can do today, to what I can be, to the attitude I can possess.
Today is the first day of rest of my life and I will take notice of the many positive things this day has to offer.

http://www.dbtselfhelp.com

[JayJay2]

Originally Posted by leona.mccauley

Hey Jay, I'm sorry for you. I would suggest you to keep your mind calm and try to avoid anger as much as possible.

I do my best but I live an unavoidably stressful life.

[JayJay2]

Originally Posted by shezbut

Hi Jay,

I'm sorry that you're having a difficult time regulating your emotions, leading to inappropriate & painful outbursts. I've had more than a few of those myself, which led to a lot of guilt and shame.

I would recommend trying to work through your emotions physically, so they don't become overloaded & just waiting to burst, right under the surface. Write, draw, exercise, art or handyman projects, self soothing tasks (listening to relaxing music, try imagery, coloring, a nice bath, etc) are just a few things off a very long list of activities that we can do to relieve stress and build positive memories.

DBT Affirmations List (some may be helpful to you, others not so much. Use what you can)

Today is the first day of the rest of my life and I will take notice of the many positive things this day has to offer.
I am beautiful.
I like myself.
I like my body.
I can feel how beautiful I am.
I do not need to respond to my emotions with food. Rather I am in control of my eating habits and eat only when I am hungry.
I have the time to exercise and see and feel my body has strength, poise and assurance.
I walk with determination and confidence.
I can see and feel that I am physically fit.
I hold my head high.
I am strong physically and mentally and emotionally.
It is easy for me to be in control of my body; both with my eating and exercising habits.
I enjoy looking good and feeling healthy.
I live a healthy, positive lifestyle.
People like me and I like myself and I am happy.
I can see how much people like me and how much I like myself.
I am loved and supported by people who are important to me.
I love and care about others and they know this because I show it to them.
I am a loving and caring person.
I sometimes enjoy being with people and feel good about my interactions.
I see myself as beautiful and intelligent and confident and that is how others see me.
I have friends who care about me, and I care about them.
I feel great as I live with the confidence to be myself and live by my own inner guidance and can interrelate to those around me, without sacrificing my own values, goals and purposeful direction.
I have a lot to be proud of.
Today I feel good
I am happy.
I am glad to be alive
I am in control of my life.
I have personal power.
I am perfectly me.
I am the best I can be.
I am centered and well-balanced.
I have confidence and poise.
I live by my positive choices.
I accept myself for who I am and I like myself.
I know that I am not perfect and never will be, but I like who I am.
I have perseverance.
I am intelligent.
I make wise choices to the best of my ability.
I enjoy the process of learning and becoming all that I want to be.
I am able to express my emotions in a healthy, positive way.
I can do anything I want.
I have many options and always make the best decisions I can.
I have stability in my life and in my self.
I am willing to take the risks necessary to being happy and living the kind of life I have chosen for myself.
I am moving in a positive direction towards my goals.
I have everything I want.
All that I want and desire is within me to achieve.
I have limitless resources and I use those resources for good.
There is enough time in the day to do all that I want to do.
There is nothing I cannot do or be if I want to.
Today I will be calm and confident.
I am everything I want to be.
I am happy with what I do.
Everyday is better than the next.
My life has purpose
There is no one else I would rather be.
There is no place else I would rather be.
I am in control of my choices and I like them.
All that life has to offer me is wonderful and it is my daily choice to enjoy that beauty.
There is abundance in the Universe and it is there to help me and I can use it.
No matter what the events of the day, the Universe is positive and will always be with me to help me through my choices, and struggles and acts as my inner guidance, direction and purpose and this is something I can always count on.
Today is my day. There is no person, no thing, no event or activity that can destroy this day for me.
I have the courage to accept the things I cannot change, to make choices to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
There is no limit to what I can do today, to what I can be, to the attitude I can possess.
Today is the first day of rest of my life and I will take notice of the many positive things this day has to offer.

http://www.dbtselfhelp.com

Thank you so much for this, it is really helpful

[Thunder Bow]

Abuse always involve accusations and thus shame. Thus you were shamed by those who abused you. The anger that you had toward others were the result of the abuse you had to experience when you were totaly helpless. Take an easy on yourself.