[watevs]

obviously i lose my temper easily, but that doesn't happen for no reason. my sister never respects me and always drives me crazy. i yell at her when she does something wrong and lecture her about what she should do. of course she won't listen, she gets angry, calls me a drama queen and leaves. when she leaves, i feel furious and sad and regret yelling at her. guilt is eating me alive everytime the same thinggs happen, even if i am certain she was wrong. all i hear from her is hurtful words and how much she hates me. i know i am not the nicest sister but all i do is just to protect her, i don't want her to get hurt and all i do is hurt her.
i am thinking seriously about leaving. i can't afford hurting anyone. i am sick of this. i just want to be appreciated.

[beauflow]

(((Watevs))
Siblings can be hard to deal with and cope with what occurs in the relationship between two or more siblings (I have 5 and have had struggles with ones i talk to off and on these days).

Much hurt can come from both sides with siblings, some times intentional and other times not.

It sounds like some boundary issues here- just with taking this of what you wrote:

"my sister never respects me"

And Of Course that is going to make about any person upset to some degree.

i yell at her when she does something wrong and lecture her about what she should do. of course she won't listen,

So boundaries are crossed, you react- you are upset so yelling is the reaction (and imagine some anger behind that too but not sure).

You tell her what to do-- I do note due to you care about her which is good- but the approach can use some work too

How old are you two? (but then again- Does that matter?) I just wonder due to stages in life can be hard for siblings as well; teenager years are difficult for many.
I know I should not assume but I don't think you two are in your late twenties and early thirties, am i right or wrong on that?

Have you thought about taking a step back for 10 seconds, then what you want to tell her to do--- Try to make it more of a suggestion rather than coming off as a command?

Now, please know, I am not saying you command your sister but it could be coming off to her as if that, with "you telling her what to do" along with emotion with it.

Many people don't respond well with that, no matter the age.

-- And I will just throw out an example here:
Example is:
You tell her to stop taking your clothes that she constantly is 'borrowing' with out asking; they are not her's any ways!

While, yes- those are your clothes, your items and sis is taking them with out permission which shows lack of respect for you and your things-
- perhaps instead of yelling and being so angry-- Take a step back... take a moment to collect your self and a suggestive saying may be-

"Sis, can you please ask if you can borrow my clothes instead of just taking them?"

Always remember that you can only control yourself- that includes emotional out bursts such as yelling; and that may take some work too.... I am not saying it is easy at all but it is something to think about perhaps?

As far as the Guilt---- Guilt is a hard emotion.

I am sure there are some other members out there that can give much more sage advice than a Beauflow but; guilt some times can be relieved when you tell you one you are sorry (make that amends with her)-
Guilt can some times be relieved when you try to take steps to better yourself with things as well- Realize you could had handled something better, and take steps to do better to make you feel better.

Some times guilt is misplaced too. but that is another topic i think.

I hope you get some more solid advice from some others here.

's

And one more thing.

i am thinking seriously about leaving. i can't afford hurting anyone. i am sick of this. i just want to be appreciated.

This is a mixed statement to me to be honest-- it is complex to a degree or maybe I am over thinking it?

But-

Leaving some times hurts people too- I know that may be hard to believe but it does.

But with you want to be appreciated as well, it seems like that there may be more that is going on than just a small thing with your sister and you spatting with each other.

I have found to appreciate myself is the best gift that i can give to myself and the world. Why?
Appreciating myself is part of what helps with changing things within myself, to better interact with others (don't get me wrong i still got my work to do for myself). I can NOT make another appreciate me; that is their free will to do and choose to do.

i.e. appreciating myself is tied into self worth as well... which I may off the wave link with what you posted but wonder if that is part of "you want to be appreciated" by others is.

((((hugs))))

[watevs]

beauflow, great advice!! thank you so much! i am going to try it, thank you again. and yes you was right my sister is 18.