[puzzclar]

I don't know what I"m feeling, or any way to describe it. But I'll try to get it out... and maybe someone on here will have an answer.

Over the past week, I've had memories flow back into my mind from when I was 8-10 years of age. Feelings of not knowing, being behind everyone, but excelling in math and music. I would look at someone who became a valedictorian and just be so jealous. I've forgotten about that until recently.

I'm in college now, and just not getting the grades that I really want, I deal with anxiety and depression, and overall confusing.

Right now, I just don't have words for a feeling/emotion. I'm just realizing that there is no solution to this feeling, and I don't like that. There has to be a solution, but there really isn't one. All I know is I want this feeling to just be stuffed in a hole in the middle of the earth, so I don't have to feel this again. It brings a heaviness to my chest, and pain in my head (like a headache) and tears to my eyes, but this isn't sadness... I just don't know what it is. Or a way to deal with it.

[shezbut]

In my experience, the only way to actually let go of a feeling that haunts you is by talking about it. Sooo, what's the big trigger? Does it follow you no matter wherever you go and whatever you do? What brought these distressful emotions up within you a week or so ago? Did something remind you of your middle childhood? What was it? Did you go through some traumatic experiences in that part of your life (thing/s that you've been avoiding for X amount of years)?

I'd advise you to look at yourself more intellectually if you can, to try and answer these Q's. Hopefully, that will provide you with the insight you're seeking, as well as the beginning of working through these emotions in a healthy manner.

Gentle hugs to you & best wishes!