Terrible "end of me" feeling always in the background

I guess some who I've heard say, "sense of impending doom" may be referring to the same thing, I don't know.

I'm likely much much older than most (perhaps all) here. Sorry if that seems intrusive on a younger community. I'm just trying to communicate something with the prayer/hope that somebody ANYWHERE has had the experience and has found peace. I have no peace 24/7/365.. none.

Following my 3rd heart cath (no heart attack, just chest pain during exercize that turned out to be clogged arteries) I had an "episode" that was frightening and impossible to describe.. other than "I am now ending."

It has been in the background since then (last September). It has ruined my life, to say the least. No peace, let alone happiness, laughter, enjoyment of things that I used to enjoy.. everything adds up to that feeling (mild version of it most of the time, it comes into full, horridness just a few times a week).

I went to a psychiatrist who tried Vybriid (spelling?), which was on top of Ativan he'd given me to calm me down. The Vybriid sent me into terrible manic episodes... just one fourth of one 10 mg dose.

I am now in "inner child therapy" and the same psyche has me on klonopin which helps some but the feeling is not gone and heavy doses plunge me into suicidal depression which I fought off twice now on this drug until I finally settled on a low dose which does not depress me as much but leaves "the Big Feeling" (end of me) following me around all day and all night in dreams.

There... I can't believe I've posted this. Thank you, anybody who has read this. May blessings pour onto anyone who understands. Any help is so appreciated!

- jdbee

Hi jcbee! Welcome to Psych Central! Sorry to hear you were having heart problems and needed a heart cath. Was there a stent inserted and something went wrong at the time? Did you ask the cardiologist about it? Could it be a continuing physical problem? I hope the doctors find a solution for you.

Hello and thank you for reading and responding.

No the stent procedure went fine. The psycological/feeling stuff just erupted and sent me into horrid state of mind. I see a psychologist and was put on klonopin... which makes me depressed in addition to the death feeling in the background.

I'm at a loss and feel terrible. I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder following the heart cath procedure and the episodes I had.