[astenon]

I've been reading a number of threads on these forums and there seems to be a common thread in a lot of them that I'd like to ask about.

A number of threads suggest that Guilt plays a large part in why a number of people are looking for help on these forums. Sometimes it's Guilt for what we've done, sometimes it's guilt for what we wished we'd done or said at a specific point in time. In some cases, this Guilt eats people up, they can't move past it, they fall into a blank hole that they can't find their way out of or it causes them to hurt themselves or others in many different ways.

So my question is this:

How do we forgive ourselves?

I've spent a couple of days trying to figure this out, but have drawn a blank, so I'm throwing the question out to all PCers. If even one answer helps one person heal, even a little bit, then it's a thread worth having.

[beauflow]

((((Astenon))))

Forgiving.
It is a word that is constantly thrown out but I do often times wonder if we all really know the true meaning of it.
Go on google and type in forgive and it pops up with many websites- one from a dictionary is

transitive verb
1
a : to give up resentment of or claim to requital for <forgive an insult>
b : to grant relief from payment of <forgive a debt>

2
: to cease to feel resentment against (an offender) : pardon <forgive one's enemies>

So, forgiving ourselves would include- letting go resentment against ourselves of what we did or did not do. we no longer want to have some sort of punishment for ourselves in away (at least for me that fits.)

How to go about this is hard, I am not sure if I could explain that- a lot of things with myself I have issues with. Time has helped with some of my issues as well. Also allowing myself to accept that I am human and have many flaws, and am allowed to make mistakes to learn from them has helped.

"Forgiving" ourselves, and also "guilt" that we feel ranges from SO Many Things to be honest.
So what I may write may apply more for a person with a similar past as mine, rather than a person that has had a different past than me.

One thing with past issues for myself, I do realize were not in my power of control, and part of forgiving myself includes - Forgiving myself for being so hard on me and taking on all the blame when it was not valid for me to take on that blame.

With other things that were in my control, that I feel "guilt" about- I do remind myself, to look back and see what did I learn, and to try not to make that same "mistake" twice.

I find often with myself that Forgiving myself can also come easier if I do make an effort to change something in my life- I.e. Not beating myself up when a small mistake occurs- In away Allowing to accept myself for being human and imperfect.
Or I suppose another example that I could give is - is also my past drug use, I in away have forgiven myself to a degree with that- I still at times get low on myself of how much I messed up by doing that, BUT I do remind myself I did learn a lot from taking that path, and to be cleaned up is also an accomplishment. I do remind myself that It was a way for me to "cope" at the time, even if it was not a good coping method due to other issues that had and were going on at the time.

Learning to forgive ourselves is a true powerful key in healing with a lot of things I think.

I hope someone else can hop* on and give you more than I have, I think there is much more than what I know on this topic. but just my two cents right now I guess

Many good thoughts to you.

[maxie0508]

Guilt is a big part of what is destroying me, you have made me think!!

[LovelaceF]

Originally Posted by astenon

How do we forgive ourselves?

I have had to forgive myself for a few big things, millions of little things, and still haven't made it around to forgiving myself for some not-quite-so-big things.

I think there isn't any one right way to do it. I would have to say that it is important to try to learn from the mistake, and grow as a person from it.

I think it's also import to set any wrongs right, if that is within your power. Make up for whatever it is.

I also believe that it is important to be kind to one's self. Think of how you would feel if anything person did to you the wrong about which you're feeling guilty? Sometimes it's more difficult to forgive ourselves than it is to forgive others.

P.S. seeing Penfold made me smile.

[happiedasiy]

Forgiveness, so I've heard is to move forward.
Take stock of what/why you feel guilty for.
Make a list, one at a time.
And you will see guilt and blame is often misplaced.
Realize things in your childhood you may have been subjected to were not within your power to control. Parents have the power.
To take responsibilty, acknowledgment equals to receive/acceptance of facts not emotions, emotions can be misleading.
An overwhelming sense of Guilt is self destuctive a self imposed punishment.
I often do this, I blame myself for allowing myself feelings of blame which are misplaced and learning to change my perspective.

[Jan1212]

depending on my situation

1. realize I am not doing anything wrong, I've been hurt and I had a normal, reaction, realized I am only human
2. I tried not to make the situation worse, I had to stop myself and cut the cycle, I will not let her control me, or change me. I will still be the happy , open-hearted person I know exists in me
3. I understood why she did this, or tried to. What was her intention? Am I exaggerating the situation? it's nothing about me, it's her, she had a bad past. If a part was my fault, I take only a part of the blame
4. I drew the line. How far can she get into my life? not so much. I take what I can and learn from her, but stand my ground
5. If it's too painful and complicated, I come on here and get help

6. After all that, I can't wait to let out a big sigh and be proud that I handled things the way I did. remind myself again that I make mistakes, and I still will but yet I still let myself be happy and share it with someone, go out to dinner, even if it's with my mom

I am learning that forgiving myself is to continue to work through the tapes in my head that keep telling me I am an awful person and deserve nothing. And at the same time, accept that I am human and make mistakes. And that I don't have to totally beat myself up to a pulp for it.

I don't have to keep going back to less than zero.

[Justcoping]

I find that praying for forgiveness always brings me the relief I need to get over the feelings I may be experiencing in life. One doesn't have to be religious to do this. It can come from deep meditation with something greater than myself. A place where you can calm and peace and where you can find comfort.

This usually works for me and I find a gene quietness from within and when I feel that feeling I know I have forgiven myself. Jmo