Feeling extremely depressed, anxious, and worthless!

I suffer from major depressive disorder, bi-polar with depression mainly, and anxiety disorder with social phobias. Ive been like this for 4 years, since 3 days after giving birth to my daughter and I went crazy...suicidal...not homicidal. I was hospitalized and diagnosed with post partum psychosis or severe post partum depression and then full blown bipolar casued by the post partum. I immediately suffered panic attacks daily until being prescribed xanes a month later. All I ever took before this was a mild anti-depressent before my daughter. Now I am on an anti-psychotic med, mood stabilizer, and antipdepressent, all quite high doses and feel worthless, full of guilt and shame and basically petrified to raise my duaghter most of the time because I'm afraid I will screw her life up if I can't even take control of my own life. My mother and husband help me raise her. I feel like a failure as a mom and live with guilt everyday and try my best to be a good mom but I look at other moms and wished my daughter had a great mom like them. She deserves better then me. I am so ddeeply depressed. Is this what my life is going to be like the rest of my life???

Forgive me, I'm not sure how much help I might be.

Anyway, for what it's worth:

I can see why you would be concerned about your daughter. After all, your going through a difficult time in your life right now.

It seems to me, from what information you've given here, your doing what you can to be a good mom. It seems very logical to me, to involve your mother and husband in assisting you. It may give the impression your not the mom you want to be, however, to me, that shows you love and care very much about your daughter.

To my eyes, I think you've clearly displayed great courage and strength. As you've made the choice to come here for one. Not only that, but your seeking and receiving help. It's easy to view that as weak, but I promise it's not. It is often far simpler(and unhealthier) to avoid addressing things.

I think it might help to remember, that many of those moms you aspire to, if put in your position, may struggle to be doing what you are right now. Sadly, it can be all too easy not to give ourselves credit where it's due, especially when we become unwell.

I'd imagine it must be very difficult to see right now, but your not alone. There is support, and your taking constructive steps. Have you let anyone else know how your doing at the moment? For instance, your doctor, or a therapist if you have one. If you've not, that could be a positive step to help things at the moment.

I hope that's of some help to you.

I think it sounds like you are doing everything you can to be a good mom, if you need help with raising your daughter there is nothing wrong with that...and it's good you have a husband and mom who can help. It's not your fault you have mental health issues and you can only do the best you can so try not to feel too guilty about it. Besides you are obviously responsible enough to know you may not be able to do it all on your own.

Sorry I don't have much in the way of advice, but I know it can be hard having symptoms interfere with your life and ability to function in roles you want to function in.