[TheresaHH]

My sister just told me she was pregnant and I wasn't excited. She ended up telling my parents that I didn't react happy enough and it's caused a huge family issue now.

She's younger than me and upstages me at everything. She got married a few months after me, and now she's having a baby before me (when my husband and I were trying in the fall, but then I lost my job and so we had to put our plans on hold).

I can't be excited for her because my own emotions on the issue are upset. I'm back to being unemployed, I'm 30 and I wanted to have a baby, but have to wait now. She doesn't want to understand where I'm coming from, she just wants me to be happy and excited.

I feel like horrible person for not caring about her pregnancy. She called me up and told me I ruined everything because I avoided her when she told me she was pregnant. I just want to disappear.

She's afraid that I'm going to keep avoiding her. Unfortunately, because of the yelling and telling me I ruined everything, I want to avoid her and the pregnancy.

I don't know how to deal with this.

[optimize990h]

Hello TheresaHH.

Did you consider seeing a therapist? Then the T could suggest the options you have to work this out.

Hopefully, you get more suggestions from other PC members.

[Leed]

Hi dear Theresa -- I can certainly understand your being disappointed in not getting pregnant before your sister. I really can.

But honey, it's not her fault. Can you (in your head) switch situations and try to feel how you would feel if things were switched? What if YOU were pregnant first, and your sister acted like you're acting? How would you feel? Would it hurt you if your sister avoided you and didn't react happy at the news? I imagine it would. You'd be hurt.

She just wanted you to SHARE with her, the good news. She wasn't trying to throw anything into your face. It was a SHARING experience with her big sister. That should be a wonderful experience. Unfortunately, it turned out badly.

I know you're hurting. And I know you wanted to get pregnant and now can't because of your job loss. But this isn't the end of the world, and you still have plenty of time to get pregnant. In fact, I'll bet you could get pregnant right now if you two tightened your belts a bit and watched your spending. Afterall, if you got a job and then got pregnant, you'd have to quit your job anyway after a time. So what's the difference??? You sure can't work while you're having labor pains. And you can't work when the baby is 3 days old, etc.

So why not keep trying? I would. Just tighten the belt, and watch the spending. You'll make it. And there's always help if you need it.
I wish you the very best my friend. And please make up with your sister. Just tell her you had a brain-fart, and weren't thinking right. LOL God bless you and please take care of yourself. And let us know when the little one is on the way, okay? Hugs, Lee

[avlady]

I think you should be the bigger one and be happy for her,you don't want to start things out this early in the baby's life, it will grow, and it will be a part of the family and will feel your pain if you show the baby hurt feelings when its born and grows into a human being, and a kid. There is a huge possibility you will have kids soon too if you get back on track with your job and such. You need to give your sister the love for her and her baby she probably craves even though you wish it was you. My sister died an you never know you may need her in a loving way in the future especially dealing with family concerns. I'll pray for you!

[ECHOES]

It sounds like the two of you don't really understand where one of you ends and the other one begins. In fact maybe your whole family is this way.

Your reaction is your reaction, and her disappointment is her disappointment, for example. She can't seem to handle feeling disappointment without lashing out and getting people on "her" side and against you. That is so sad.

If she knew what was going on in your life, that you made a wise and responsible decision to hold off on having a child for now and, and how disappointing that must be for you and your husband, then she would have been ready for a less than ecstatic reaction from you. She would have been concerned for your feelings even before you reacted.

And maybe you could have foreseen the possibility of her getting pregnant first, since you are both young and ready for families.

But, then maybe this isn't the time for having a baby anyway, when your family isn't able to support both you and your sister. Your family is reacting in such a judgmental, hurtful, overly dramatic way. You and your sister are separate, different women. You are adults and both of you are right. Both of you are hurt. Both of you are entitled to your feelings.

[doyoutrustme]

as much as you have to realize that pregnant ladies are very hormotional, she needs to realize that it pains some people to see pregnant people because it is what they want for themselves.

To throw my two cents in, you might want to consider if its possible to go ahead with your baby making plans if at all feasable. Money is only money. Babies are family and much more important.