[sabby]

..... and this afternoon it just got stronger!

Last week, one of my grandbabies (3 1/2 yrs old) was assaulted by a 35yr old man on a playground. I say assaulted because this man picked my grandson up, along with 2 other children, lifted their shirts and tickled them on their stomachs! I'm so disgusted with this jerk I feel like pummeling him to within an inch of his life! Of course, I talk a good talk, but I wouldn't do it now, only if I was there and saw it happen, I probably wouldn't think twice about it. Even if it would be wrong to do. No one messes with my children/grandchildren or friends around me and gets away with it.

Thank goodness my daughters' friend who witnessed him doing it to one of her kids took care of the issue by getting him to finally leave (he didn't want to), and then called the police.

He has been arrested on 3 counts of simple assault. There is still an ongoing investigation. He was released on $15,000.00 p.r. and cannot be around the private playground or the streets around their home and he is not allowed to be in any city park or around any children that are not relations of his. The police are taking this very seriously and I'm so glad they are!

From what I was told, my grandson was kicking and trying to get out of this man's hold. This man had no right to be there as the playground is a private one for tenants and he does not live in that housing. He brought 2 little kids with him, and I KNOW, I just KNOW he was trying to groom my grandson and the other kids for dastardly deeds. I thank God he was caught (it took the police one week to find him again after they initially interviewed him.

I'm doing everything I can to stay as calm as I can but I'm wondering how I'll react when I go to his court date in May. Oh yes, I will be there. I want him to see me and my family there....I want to send a clear message to him that he will not get away with this kind of behavior.

I have to find a way to release this anger in a safe and acceptable way so that it doesn't consume me and I say or do something stupid. Any suggestions???

[IowaFarmGal]

Wow that is scary! How is your grandson doing? Is he alright?

[sabby]

Thanks for asking IFG, he is fine. Thank God!

Well, Sabby, there are long involved answers here and short not-so-involved answers. If you wanted the long involved answer, my first inclination would be to suggest you check out the videos on YouTube that have been uploaded of talks given by the Buddhist nun Pema Chodron. Pema teaches that such things as anger, depression, etc. are infact our treasure. We can open to them and thus use them to achieve peace and equanimity. Pema has also written numerous books on the subject. But this is a life-long journey and I get the sense that what you're looking for is something to put out the fire, so to speak.

In order to deal with the anger you feel about this sad incident, I would suggest some physical activity, as intensive a level of activity as you are able to engage in even if it's only some long brisk walks. Talking this out with a therapist or trusted friend may also help or writing about your feelings. Perhaps consider writing a letter to this man (not one that you will ever actually send... but just to get your feelings out.) Or you could write the letter to your grandchild or maybe the judge who will be hearing the case. Here again, you won't be actually sending the letter. But writing it, may help to relieve some of the stress you feel. Ideally, you might do a combination of these things. Take a brisk walk to somewhere you enjoy being. Walk until you're tired. Write about your feelings, perhaps in a letter, do some meditation or say some prayers depending on your spiritual leanings, talk about your emotions: anger, fear, feelings of helplessness (if you have them) with a friend. Personally I'm a believer in the idea of attacking something like this from multiple directions more-or-less at the same time. Best wishes!

[sabby]

Thanks so much bedobones. Some very good suggestions you have given me and I truly appreciate them. I think, if I weren't so angry, I would have been able to come up with a couple of them myself...lol.

Writing about my anger here has helped me, so writing....check! I used to be a CASA for abused/neglected kids and have written a fair amount of letters to the judges in their cases, so yes, that's a great idea and probably one in which I will send to the judge. I also wrote a victim impact letter to a judge once against the man who murdered my cousin. While I know how to keep emotions out of a letter to a judge, such as when I was a CASA, the victim impact letter held a combination of no emotion/emotion.

Tomorrow, I plan on doing some spring cleaning in the apartment so that will be some good exercise. I can't do long walks at the moment unfortunately.

Again, thank you so much for your suggestions and taking the time to post to me.

[Leed]

Oh Sabby, I could feel my OWN blood pressure rising cause like you, NO ONE messes with my family/friends! And I mean NO ONE. I'm really afraid of what I'm capable of. It does scare me!!!

I pray this doesn't have any lasting effects on your grandbaby! Heaven only knows how things like that can hang on forever, even into adulthood. I pray he forgets it, and never ever recalls it again.

Bedobones gave you some good suggestions as to dealing with the anger. I think I'd also go in my room, shut the door and scream bloody-murder into my pillow. LOL That always helps me release alot of anger. Of course I end up with a sore throat afterwards, but heck - it's worth it. It's better than a prison sentence. LOL

Let us know when the hearing date is, will you? I want to be there in spirit! I want you to feel me holding your hand! God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee

[sabby]

Thank you so much (((((((( Leed ))))))))

I think my grandbaby will be fine. As long as we don't make a huge deal out of it and keep it as a learning experience for him, he should be okay. We don't want to overdo it.

I believe the court date is May 20th. I will be there.

I so appreciate all the wonderful advice given here. Sometimes when you are in the middle of it all, it's hard to remember what we can do for ourselves to help ourselves.

Something I decided to do was to forgive this man for what he did. I didn't forgive him for him to feel better, I forgave him for ME to feel better and to not have to hold on to all the anger. I prayed and prayed and asked for help and I received it. While there will never be a good enough excuse for what this guy did, I am certainly feeling better about myself and not carrying the anger helps tremendously!

Wishing you all well.

[avlady]

Yes forgiveness is the way to go, but this man should stay punished, like with the fees and maybe jailtime. he could have been mentally disabled or just didn't realize the impact of what he was doing was wrong, he'll learn his lesson hopefully if justice is done!!

[Cocosurviving]

I'm shocked but glad your aware of your angry and trying to get advise.