[julie234332]

my friend, who seems normal and happy in general, is going to prison and has to serve 4 years. he was on the phone with me and said he wanted to kill himself and i told him not to. i am scared he eventually will before he is sent to prison. is this normal?

also, i am disgusted by his crime so i do not even want to be friends with him anymore. now i feel things are awkward between us because of this whole prison scandal. i am scared that if i end our friendship, he will kill himself.

his crime was the attempted rape of a minor, but the minor was willing..he was set up by an online detective.

the online detective was supposed to be 14 years old and my friend is in his 20s. He is a good and loyal friend, but what he did is really ****** up, and I cannot seem to put it behind us. I guess my friend was online to meet girls. There was really no underage girl because an online detective was impersonating one. He asked her to meet in person, thinking it was the 14 year old girl, and the online detective agreed. He then got arrested.

[winter4me]

If this is his first time going to prison/jail, there is cause for concern. If you can report his suicidal thought to someone, even the police, do so.
And remember, your friend was looking for an underage girl. That is a crime.
If he can take responsibility for his actions AND get help to explore and deal with his attraction to underage girls, he could get through this and move on to have a good life, not easy, but it is not the end of the world that it seems to be right now. Be glad he was caught at 20. And hope he did not have multiple victims before this attempt. Whether you maintain contact is up to you. If you choose not to, I would tell him why (sometimes the consequence of our behaviors is a loss of friends). If you do, I would be clear in not condoning or expressing sympathy for the "set up". He will not be able to look at what he has done if he can get away with "they framed me"---his intent was clear, as you relate the story.

[Perna]

You are not responsible for your friend's actions, either with the getting arrested sting or with whether he will attempt his life or not. Tell him that would disappoint you further, if he were to attempt his life. Do not let him think he can control you in that way.

[porcelainchild]

I agree don't let him control you like that, i understand you being disgusted by his crime i would be too.. I was abused as a kid so its good he was caught.. Please tell the police or someone about what he has told you..

I responded in your other post; however, I will try to respond in a kind, supportive way here as well.

There is a very good reason that law enforcement has a cyber crimes unit. Your "friend" is an example of why these units were formed. To protect children (minors) from predators.

Once your friend understood the age of the person he agreed to meet, he was responsible for saying "No. Made a mistake. This is an adult site and you should not be here. Where are your parents? " and immediately logged off the computer.

Unfortunately, your "friend" got himself into some deep doodoo.

And to be clear, he was not "set up". This was not a case of "entrapment". And the 14 year old was not "willing".

If you are concerned for his safety, if you feel his intentions to hurt himself are real, by all means drop a dime on him.

*I am still not clear why he is not in prison now for such a serious crime and he is just walking around.

If it helps you any (for your own piece of mind) perhaps you can check out www.Rainn.com

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by julie234332

his crime was the attempted rape of a minor, but the minor was willing..

There is a crime called statutory rape. Per the legislative intent behind the creation of this criminal category, minors do not have legal capacity to be "willing".

The difference between rape and statutory rape is that rape is forced onto an unwilling adult victim, while statutory rape is not necessarily physically forced onto a minor, but the minor lacks the capacity to give consent.

I am not suggesting that you explain it to the friend, because right now he wouldn't, most likely, be receptive to this kind of explanation, but for your own purposes, you should know that. Your post demonstrates that you do not.

[Cocosurviving]

I encourage you to notify the police/prison abt your friend's SI statement. Then live your life, continue to be friends w/ him if you chose. However do not let him cry you a river abt what happen. As Hamster stated the laws.

[Hellion]

Well I hear prison is one of the worst places on earth, so I suppose its not suprising someone would feel that way....not sure what I can really say that hasn't been said already.

[spondiferous]

I agree with Hellion. And I don't blame you for feeling like you don't want to be friends with him. I'd struggle if I had a friend who was seeking sexual contact with minors.

[shortandcute]

One thing i've learned, is that when a guy says that to a girl, he's either using it to manipulate her, or he's going to really do it no matter the girl does. I've learned that from experience. I've had guys pull that on me quite a bit. Plus, my dad, who's almost 80, still pulls that crap on my stepmother. The only reason she's stayed with him for 45 years of abuse is because, every time she tries to leave, he cries suicide.