Gut-Wrenching feelings - advice please?

Hey all!

I'm not really sure which forum thread this should go in but never mind, here goes:

I'm a final year university student in the UK, who was lucky enough to study abroad for a year in the USA. I have ALWAYS dreamed of moving to and building my life in the USA so this was a great step for me.

I had the best year of my life (so far!) over there, met some wonderful people and discovered things about myself that I never knew existed! I loved it so much I applied to transfer there, and I got accepted. However, due to financial reasons, I was unable to go back. Naturally, I was heartbroken. I cried for days, but I just accepted it as a minor set back in my goal, and went back to Uni in the UK.

I have visited my friends at the college in the USA on a couple of occasions, I had a great time with them, but every time I came home I would get really sad again.

Now, every time I plan a visit, I get really excited for a short time, but this is followed by a gut-wrenching feeling in my stomach. I have searched for reasons why for months now, at first I thought it was just because I got anxious about flying, but I don't think this is the case anymore.

Additionally, when I was studying abroad, my Grandma died when I was over there so I didn't get to say goodbye or attend her funeral. As strange as this may sound, I always kind of knew that she would pass away when I wasn't home. But now, every time I plan a visit to the USA I start having recurring dreams about my parents (especially my Mam) dying and this just makes the gut feeling 10x worse.

I was just wondering if anyone could help explain this gut feeling to me, and give me a way of dealing with it so that it won't come back in the future?

Im a psychology student so you would think I'd know these things! Oh well haha.

Thank you

Don't you think it's probably because of your Grandma's death and the fact you didn't get to say goodbye? You didn't say that you had this BEFORE she died, so I have to think that this must have something to do with it. Obviously, you feel that if you're not home, something terrible is going to happen ~ and you won't be able to do anything about it. So while you're gone, you feel you have no control. But actually you have no control when you're home either. These things are going to happen regardless of where we are.

While we have control of our own lives, we don't have control over anything that happens to anyone else.

I wish you the very best. God bless & take care. Hugs, Lee