[Hellion]

Ok so I am not actively suicidal anymore, had to go to the psych ward to get to this point. I was also taking effexor before and it wasn't helping so I wanted to be somewhere safe to switch to other meds to. So yeah that all went well, it was nicer than the last one I went to and even had good food. But over all life still kind of sucks.

I feel like I am going to continue getting the same kind of inconsistency from the mental health center as I've been going to(due to it being the only place I can find therapy I can afford), just as much family drama and the 100 other things on my mind. uhh I don't know I still am not handling stress well. At least re-hospitalization is an option if needed but obviously I'd like to avoid any more debt till I can get on Medicaid and SSI.

Its like I am trying and just keep running into brick walls, the meds I have now seem to help a bit with mellowing me out so my mood is more consistant but not as low. Of course then, I have to worry about if I can get refills in time and that sort of thing. I feel like I am still a total wreck and just putting on an act that I'm ok or maybe I really will be ok for a while. I don't know.

But really what do I have to show for myself...I feel like my future will be a continuation of hospitalizations, medications, therapy appointments while hoping to be supported by SSI and medicaid. Just not a lot to look forward to especially with societies attitude towards those 'no good freeloaders taking 'their' tax money to waste on useless garbage'. Feels like any way I go ends in a dead end. When I get my SSI maybe I will buy myself something nice and those people can **** off.

I feel like such a loser, and mostly don't know what to do with myself.

[Frank100]

Forget those idiots who worry about "their" tax dollars. Some people just don't understand how real mental disorders are and how much a lot of us have gone through to get to this point. Do whatever you need to do to make yourself feel better.

I haven't been on meds but I am on the verge of going to see a therapist and possibly getting on some. I don't feel normal at all and I am constantly having panic attacks. It is pretty scary.

However I do think about the fact that I can't naturally get over my situation and that I would need meds to better myself. I also think about having to refill the prescriptions and all the head aches and stress that will come with having to constantly supply myself with medication. I tend to think too much I guess.

You said you're not suicidal anymore so you must be doing something right We will overcome this *****.

[Hellion]

Yeah for now, usually I go back to feeling that way after a while. Especially when the stress and such just continues. I have been through lots of therapists, lots of meds the ones I am on are ok but they are probably a factor in how drowsy I've been feeling past couple days, but maybe its the heat to.

I don't see myself ever totally overcoming the problems i have just want to be able to live with it and still have some kind of life enjoyment.