[crowfan]

Well, staying true to my word here is my daily check in. I had a good day yesterday and actually got some things done. I plan to do these check ins to hold myself accountable daily for a while. One of my big stressors is money and I need to find a job soon. I am happy to say that I applied for a bunch of jobs that I actually want. I have had a rapid turn around. Joiining and committing to this groujp again is part of it, the other part is asking myself "Am I emotionally able to handle the pressures at school?" The short answer is: not right now but I think things are going to be different in a week. It's not my classes that have caused all this stress it's the person I am assigned to work on for me to recieve my grant. That relationship has been going downhill pretty much all semester. It also helped to email the grant project mgr., who has always been very supportive. After taking another incomplete (that is 2 for the semester) and I will be lucky to get a C- in my photography class. It's not the grades that are importan but the fact that I have gotten nothing out of my classes. I just don't think it's worth it to stay in the program. I plan to have a productive day today and get some things done. I am giving myself this week to reflect on my feelings and thoughts. I am doing a lot beter with not blaming myself or just restating things like: I am a failure, blah.blah,blah. Instead I say funny things like party on dude (Wayne's world) and telling a friend that I should just go watch The Sound of Music to cheer me up, it will b/c I love music.

[Thunder Bow]

You are doing well. Work on your Emotional Maturity and follow through with your class work and assignments. You will feel much better. Take an "Avatar" when you finish your work assignments and watch "The Sound Of Music".

[crowfan]

Hi,
I have had a great week! Yeah! My goal was to post everyday so that I was staying true to myself v. being in bed/depression. I got a job yesterday!!!!!!That is huge. It was a great week. I learned a lot from what I am referring to as "My Comcast Experience". Basically I had this great job lead, the recruiters loved me, I had a "gorilla" phone intv. and got some great feedback that was hard to hear but it really helped me. The recruiter was doing it to help me and I was able to take it in. Thur. had the intv. they didn't want me, they would not let the recruiter tell me why. That is assinine. So, I am glad I won't be working for them. I didn't go home and melt, I got things done. I got an email that night and I start a new job on Monday. I also got a lot of other things done. So, it's been a great week. I had some fear stuff come up but that is gone now. It's gone because when I felt the fear I really felt it then I ran through my thoughts, which are distorted by my fear. I am good. Today is my day to game plan for next semester which starts 5/20. Even though I have a week before that starts my body thinks it starts on Monday. Not school but the stress of school. When I say body I mean my braiin. What is driving this is I have a meeting with my grant person. It's stressful dealing with her since I recently confronted her and told her she is a barrier to my succeeding b/c last semeter (just ended) she would say things that deflated me. The meeting needs to happen. But I can choose how much I participate. The meeting will need to be changed due to my new work schedule. I think that before we meet I am going to turn into her all the papers she needs. I am going to remind myself that she has no say about me getting the grant. She sent me an email this week that indicated this. So, today I am sending her an email asking her to clarify. It seems I only need to work with her if I want help with my books. If that is true then I am going to say I will pay for my own books. Leave me alone. It's not worth it. I think that is the solution. I cold also schedule the meeting for next week so that I am not putting off something that I am already feeling stressed out about. So, thank God for Psych Central in that I have a place to work this out and really really game plan. I just wrote up my game plan so I am good. I need to go. I will check in tomorrow. I could do a play by play but I don't need to do that. Success is mine.