Today on Mothers Day I
had a rough day. On any special occasion
with it comes the emotions for me on so many fronts.
First of all Mothers day almost comes on the heels of Fathers
day. My Dad passed away in 2006 unexpectantly with no one even
telling me that he was sick until the very last minute which sent me
into a tail spin because I never got to say goodbye...NOTHING! His
body was flown from California where he had lived since the 50's to Florida where his Wife wanted him buried.
Then I have my mid life crisis which leaves me so frustrated as I've tried so hard throughout my adult life only to be discriminated, bullied, and totally locked out of making friends and a whole lot more. This begins a build up that just isn't good.
Then theres the lack of a supportive family which I don't need to tell you all on here is like GOLD for a mentally ill person.
My own Mom suffers from mental illness & is pretty passive. She pays the bills for her home & that's about it. Not active, I try to help but there is only so much I can do.
Today she felt tired so we didn't spend Mothers Day together, which I didn't mind since I was too depressed. Thank God we didn't go to the restaurant that she wanted to go to. I wasn't ready for a busy boisterous restaurant filled with hip trendy types that is so not me! I have lived a life filled with isolation & yes I have tried to make friends, become active but its not so easy to make friends its a whole lot more complicated than you might think.
I am not joking here.
Been told:
"I'm Busy go ask someone else"
"I'm in a relationship"
And many more excuses not to do anything with me.
All of these awful experiences came to a head for me today.
So much so I was sobbing & I don't cry very much.
I'm real frustrated.
It's not easy.
I read an article that said people who are lonely build walls instead of bridges.
So untrue! I've tried to build the bridge approach people only to have the door shut. It works both ways.
Living here where I live does little to my waning self esteem.
I'm trying to figure out a way so I can at least get out of this awful town even temporarily.
I'm even considering truck driving so I can earn good wages & go on some good vacations like Hawaii or Guam as I love sun & warm tropical weather.
I've got to figure something out.
Cause I never ever wanted to end up like I am today which was why I was so filled with emotion mostly consisting of frustration & tears.

[liveforfish]

Sorry your day was hell.

[Thunder Bow]

Move to the desert southwest, it would cheaper. Moving would be good idea. There is nothing you do about your family situation. Best to move away ASAP. Be your own warrior and take care of yourself.