[winkynjr]

I am dealing with so many emotions at one time that they are all tangled up!!! I am angry, frustrated, hurt, wanting to harm myself any ways I can, inclouding suicide if it wasn't for having to take care of my son!! no one would miss me anyways!! and all their problems would be gone!!! I have told my supposed sperm donors family whom I just recently have gotten in contact with (past 2years and got real close that quick so I thought) to go to hell. besides dealing with physical pain where it hurts to freakin walk anymore!!!! I GIVE UP!!!!!

[lynn P.]

(((winkynjr)))) - I'm very sorry you're swamped with emotions and in physical pain as well. Do you have a therapist or in treatment? Is it this recent verbal thing that's made you feel more desperate? Good for you in remembering you have a son depending on you. I can relate to feeling very frustrated, but try to wait and calm down because we don't make good decisions when we're very upset. Would taking some slow deep breaths help? Do you have anyone like a friend to call? We're here to listen so hang in there.

[winkynjr]

Originally Posted by lynn P.

(((winkynjr)))) - I'm very sorry you're swamped with emotions and in physical pain as well. Do you have a therapist or in treatment? Is it this recent verbal thing that's made you feel more desperate? Good for you in remembering you have a son depending on you. I can relate to feeling very frustrated, but try to wait and calm down because we don't make good decisions when we're very upset. Would taking some slow deep breaths help? Do you have anyone like a friend to call? We're here to listen so hang in there.

No I am not in therapy right now because of insurance problems that I am fighting the place about! It has been one thing after another lately!!! I just can't handle much more!!! I thought I had several friends I could call but I am finding out different!!!! I show up in the chat rooms but I don't say much!!! I slept 2 hours last night and I am so numb right now that I could care less what is going on!!!!

[lynn P.]

Originally Posted by winkynjr

No I am not in therapy right now because of insurance problems that I am fighting the place about! It has been one thing after another lately!!! I just can't handle much more!!! I thought I had several friends I could call but I am finding out different!!!! I show up in the chat rooms but I don't say much!!! I slept 2 hours last night and I am so numb right now that I could care less what is going on!!!!

Thanks for your reply and good to know you're still talking. I'm sorry you had a bad sleep - that makes it even worse. Yes insurance companies can be awful sometimes. Are you getting financial assistance from the father of your son? Are you taking any meds for physical pain?

Sometimes its helpful to make a list of problems - one side for problems you don't have any control over. Since there isn't any fast solutions for those problems, put that on a mental shelf. I know its hard to do but it can work. The other side of the list is things you can do - take those one at a time without pressuring yourself.

I had a huge blowup with my husband today, who I've been trying to separate from for 8 yrs now. He's mentally abusive and I'm trapped financially and trying to get a job at the age of 53. I have 2 girls, 11 and 15. My husband is Muslim and decided to get another wife 8 yrs ago. My life is a mess and on days like this, I feel scared and emotionally paralyzed. I can relate to that numb feeling. I'm only sharing so you don't feel alone in your suffering. I'm not saying my situation is worse - suffering is suffering.

For now be patient and kind to yourself. My girls actually keep me going and I hope your son will do the same for you. Tap into that resilience deep inside you and let your son inspire strength in you.

[Lightfiend]

Try to find other support groups in your area. Build a social network - both online and offline. You don't have to do this all by yourself, there are resources out there to help you!

[winkynjr]

Originally Posted by lynn P.

Thanks for your reply and good to know you're still talking. I'm sorry you had a bad sleep - that makes it even worse. Yes insurance companies can be awful sometimes. Are you getting financial assistance from the father of your son? Are you taking any meds for physical pain?

Sometimes its helpful to make a list of problems - one side for problems you don't have any control over. Since there isn't any fast solutions for those problems, put that on a mental shelf. I know its hard to do but it can work. The other side of the list is things you can do - take those one at a time without pressuring yourself.

I had a huge blowup with my husband today, who I've been trying to separate from for 8 yrs now. He's mentally abusive and I'm trapped financially and trying to get a job at the age of 53. I have 2 girls, 11 and 15. My husband is Muslim and decided to get another wife 8 yrs ago. My life is a mess and on days like this, I feel scared and emotionally paralyzed. I can relate to that numb feeling. I'm only sharing so you don't feel alone in your suffering. I'm not saying my situation is worse - suffering is suffering.

For now be patient and kind to yourself. My girls actually keep me going and I hope your son will do the same for you. Tap into that resilience deep inside you and let your son inspire strength in you.

Wow! Thank you so much for sharing with me!! It does help a lot knowing I am not alone!!!I am so sorry to hear about your husband!! I lived in an abusive (having quite accepted that nor come to terms with that yet) for almost 15 years!! This is my 2nd separation from my husband, I had to give it another chance but we did not last long in the same bed at least, but I lived in the same trailer with him for about 2 years in separate bedrooms afraid every night of what would happen because I could not afford to move out!
I am get a little help from him financially but it is still real hard!!! I am taking tramadol and just starting a muscle relaxant tonight for the pain and now she wants to send me to a pain clinic which I am going to refuse!!! I am a recovering alcoholic and drug addict and I will not go back on something permanently!!!! I don't know if I hurt more physically or mentally!!

[lynn P.]

You're welcome and thank you for sharing more about you. Sometimes it helps knowing others can empathize, although I don't have chronic pain like you. Constant pain can frazzle even the best nerves. If insurance pays for the pain clinic, you might want to consider it. I think they also teach relaxation which helps with pain. What kind of pain do you have? - water aerobics is easy for the joints and back problems - you might want to look into that. Yes mental pain hurts too and manifests into physical problems as well. I hope you get some relief soon.

[winkynjr]

Originally Posted by lynn P.

You're welcome and thank you for sharing more about you. Sometimes it helps knowing others can empathize, although I don't have chronic pain like you. Constant pain can frazzle even the best nerves. If insurance pays for the pain clinic, you might want to consider it. I think they also teach relaxation which helps with pain. What kind of pain do you have? - water aerobics is easy for the joints and back problems - you might want to look into that. Yes mental pain hurts too and manifests into physical problems as well. I hope you get some relief soon.

Let's see: I have had 2 knee replacements, right rotator cuff and bicep surgery and now I have a herniated disc in my lower back plus a pinched nerve and they think I have a pinched nerve in my neck ( I go for mri on the 17th) I also I have nerve damage in my left leg now where I call it lift it without help.

Originally Posted by winkynjr

I am dealing with so many emotions at one time that they are all tangled up!!! I am angry, frustrated, hurt, wanting to harm myself any ways I can, inclouding suicide if it wasn't for having to take care of my son!! no one would miss me anyways!! and all their problems would be gone!!! I have told my supposed sperm donors family whom I just recently have gotten in contact with (past 2years and got real close that quick so I thought) to go to hell. besides dealing with physical pain where it hurts to freakin walk anymore!!!! I GIVE UP!!!!!

May I suggest that you call the National Suicide Hotline: 1 (800) 273-8255 (TALK)? You don't have to be suicidal to call, (although it sounds like you may be close.) They are there to help.

Whatever you do... do not attempt suicde. I've been there twice. It's an ugly business. There may also be local suicide hotlines you can call or advocacy organizations that can help you access mental health & / or medical services particularly if you don't have insurance and / or you are low income. My best wishes to you. Keep posting on PC too. Pour out your pain here. It may help while you're doing the other stuff. We'll all be here to listen & try to provide support!

[lynn P.]

Originally Posted by winkynjr

Let's see: I have had 2 knee replacements, right rotator cuff and bicep surgery and now I have a herniated disc in my lower back plus a pinched nerve and they think I have a pinched nerve in my neck ( I go for mri on the 17th) I also I have nerve damage in my left leg now where I call it lift it without help.

Thanks for sharing all your physical challenges...my goodness I feel bad you. I see now I was jumping the gun on the water aerobics. Do you qualify for assistance at home from a caregiver and help with housework?

[winkynjr]

Originally Posted by Lightfiend

Try to find other support groups in your area. Build a social network - both online and offline. You don't have to do this all by yourself, there are resources out there to help you!

I have tried so many resources and ALWAYS hit a brick wall.... I am done

[winkynjr]

I basically just push through the pain on a daily basis.....trying to find help is like trying to find a needle in a haystack!!
I called the billing office again this morning at the counseling office and I QUIT!!! THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO CALL MEDICAID NOW BUT HE WONT!!! SO I WIL NOT BE GOING BACK TO THERAPY!!!! I AM TIRED OF HITTING BRICK WALLS!!!

[lynn P.]

Originally Posted by winkynjr

I basically just push through the pain on a daily basis.....trying to find help is like trying to find a needle in a haystack!!
I called the billing office again this morning at the counseling office and I QUIT!!! THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO CALL MEDICAID NOW BUT HE WONT!!! SO I WIL NOT BE GOING BACK TO THERAPY!!!! I AM TIRED OF HITTING BRICK WALLS!!!

Did he say why he won't call Medicaid? Is it to get therapy? I understand its frustrating to deal with insurance and medicaid issues. Sometimes people have to be persistent. Have you looked at this group:

NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Illness - Mental Health Support, Education and Advocacy

Hello Winkynjr: May I respectfully observe that one can only push through pain (whether physical or emotional) for so long? Somewhere, or some way, you must find some support for your situation. As I have read through the comments to your post I see a variety of suggestions. Of course, only you can make it happen... but then you already know that. Sometimes, depending on where you live, there may be low income advocacy programs that can help people access needed services & provide some support. If there is one in your area this might be another possibility if you can muster the will to press on. I hope you do! My best wishes to you!

[winkynjr]

Lynn he is saying that I need to call Medicaid which I have x2 and they keep telling me that he needs to call!!!

[winkynjr]

I just don't care anymore!!! Headphones I have called around all kinds of resources and places that I never heard of, so it is NOT THAT I HAVE NOT TRIED!!!! I have tried for almost a year now and then I got into counselling and now this insurance crap!

[lynn P.]

Originally Posted by winkynjr

Lynn he is saying that I need to call Medicaid which I have x2 and they keep telling me that he needs to call!!!

Is it possible to get form or letter and have the doctors office fax it or you can mail it. When you speak to Medicaid make sure you get a reference number and name of the person you spoke to -this makes them more accountable. Often its just miscommunication and as the saying goes "the squeaky hinge gets the oil." Tell the doctor or secretary what Medicaid said. Good luck.

[winkynjr]

i am done trying Lynn!!! cannot hanldle it anymore!!!!

[philbee]

i think you've gotten some really excellent advice so far winky. i will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and hope you reach the light at the end of the tunnel really soon!

[lynn P.]

Originally Posted by winkynjr

i am done trying Lynn!!! cannot hanldle it anymore!!!!

((winkynjr)) - I'm sorry you're feel exasperated. Does talking and venting relieve you or does it make it worse ....I don't want to upset you by trying to help you with solutions. How old is your son?

[winkynjr]

No, I are not upsetting me....I am just tired of fighting for help and t by end getting screwed!!! I am tired of the disappointment!!! I just feel very hopeless but talking with you seems to help!! Thank you!! Knowing that someone seems to truly care and wants to help helps alot!! Of course then that same people that act like they care turn around and stab me in the back and leave!!!!
My son is 12 and will be 13 in July...

[lynn P.]

Okay good ((winkynjr)). Thanks for your reply and sharing about your son. HAppy Mothers Day to you.

My best wishes to you, Winkynjr...