[blueblanket]

I usually couldn't care less what people think of me, but somehow I care about what she thinks because I've become emotionally reliant and attached to her due to her being my therapist. I no longer see her because she recently terminated our sessions for some irrelevant reason, which I'm still grieving about.

I shoplift not because of depression, kleptomania or anything. I shoplift because I can't afford anything and I'm a self-indulgent teenager. Yes, I am aware I'm a parasite so please spare me your moral lectures/input.

I wrote this to ask what people's thoughts are on me feeling terribly bad on what my therapist thinks of me and help me somehow put this in perspective and not feel bad. I'm 16 and was hoping in a few or several years when I've moved on and grown up a bit, I could make friends with her because she seems a great person outside of her work.

I know she thinks wrongly of what I do and judges me for it, although of course she's been somewhat professional and didn't tell me straight up how bad of a person I am for stealing. There'd been instances however in our past sessions when I was able to tell she was somewhat judging me for it.

I'm afraid she thinks I'm a child just waiting to grow up into one of those intelligent self-serving corrupt adults.. I don't think I will. But I know she thinks that, and this makes me feel terribly upset...

[tinyrabbit]

Hi blueblanket - welcome to PC. You're doing something a lot of us do here, and that's confusing what we feel, believe or suspect with what we actually know. Do you know she judges you? Or are you just assuming that's the case?

[Miswimmy1]

I feel like there are a lot of distortions in what you just wrote. Do you know that she is judging you? Do you know that is why she terminated? Did you have a termination session to talk about why? Or are you just assuming these things?

[blueblanket]

Thanks for pointing that out. Yeah, I don't "know" that she judges me for shoplifting, but I "suspect and assume" that based on a few instances in our past sessions.

I know her judgment/personal opinion shouldn't even bother or matter to me. But it does (which I know is a problem), because I was very attached to her and our sessions felt friendly and personal to me, because I foolishly failed to see her as a professional but instead more of like an adult friend and invested a lot of emotional reliance and attachment to her. I guess her determination to end our sessions will probably do me good as it'll let me sort out my dependency issues.

And no of course she did not discontinue our sessions because she was judging me for shoplifting. It was because of a conflict-of-interest.

[blueblanket]

I just wrote a paragraph and it didn't post!

[Thunder Bow]

Feeling bad and keeping feeling bad is why you do what you do. Be really honest with your "T" and tell her/him how you are feeling. Leave nothing out!