i have this really bad attitude about people, you see. Back in the day, I was cheerful and optimistic. I always saw the good in people. now I only see black and sometimes white. Because of all those bad experiences, I cannot seem to return to the original me, who was overly trusting, kind and nonjudgmental. How can I do that?

I have to deal with all my problems now and I just feel like there isn't much time if I continue to let myself be overwhelmed with thoughts of hate and retaliation. I'm not a very happy person.

I am somewhat afraid of meeting new people because once i meet them they will either like or dislike me.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by heyitsme7

because once i meet them they will either like or dislike me.

Still the black and white thinking :-) We aren't "pure" so people are/do all of one or the other, all the time and only. I love some people but don't like them, too. Like is who we want to hang around with and other people who don't want to hang around with us, that may just be their taste; I'd rather eat green beans than brussel sprouts? There are other people who like brussel sprouts, there's nothing "wrong" with brussel sprouts, they just aren't my thing. What other people want and do is up to them, not something we can decide or influence much; I've had people who didn't know me not like me because they were projecting other people they didn't like onto me, treating me like I was the person they thought I reminded them of.

I deal with my attitudes by realizing it's all a mental crap shoot? We can decide to think whatever we want. I get into worrying, which is thinking about the future in negative ways and we can't know the future, and when I catch myself, I just automatically think of what I would like to happen instead, then, and decide to go for that.

I would take your "once i meet them they will either like or dislike me" and just decide either once you meet them YOU will either like or dislike them or, once they meet you, they will like you. I often will almost consciously decide I'm "wrong" if something negative comes along? If I think someone doesn't like me, I decide my perception is off or realize how little time we've had together and that it's not enough for someone to have formed a good enough opinion of me to dislike me :-) I don't start out presenting my flawed points?

I do a lot of reframing; for example, you don't have a "pessimistic" attitude, you have a "thoughtful" one :-) I'm not "stubborn", I'm "tenacious".