[Mama Char-Lee]

This past month has been, without a doubt, the WEIRDEST month of my life.
1) I got a raise at work, after I was told I would NEVER get one. I've been there for 8 years.
2) I got my 1st book published. I was told that it would NEVER happen, but I did it anyway. The printing process should be starting this next week or so.
3) I found my sadistic bio-dad...SOMETHING THAT I WAS TOLD WOULD NEVER, EVER HAPPEN! I even spoke to him on the phone. He was exactly how I figured he'd sound: A pickled old batsturd. (Yes, I said 'batsturd').
These things...things that everyone around me said would never happen...they happened. The raise was nice, like "surprise! It's christmas in june!" Getting my book published (which is 1 of 8 out of the series I wrote)...that was just too surreal, like a dream-come-true. Finding my father? This is a man I haven't seen or spoken to in 30+ years. All I did was call the Jacksonville FL police department, asking if they could do a "wellness check" on my "dad." I gave them the last address I could find online, and 20 minutes later, his hillbilly girlfriend calls back. They thought I was some kind of bill collector or something, and when he found out who I was (his spawn), he broke down in tears.
I am still waiting to wake up, or for the other shoe to drop. I have some closure as far as my father goes. He was a sadistic monster years ago, and thanks to the copious amounts of drugs and alcohol, he is officially a pickled old man.
The problem I have is I am so "conditioned" to disappointment and failure and the horrible reality that nothing good has ever happened to me that I don't know how to be "happy." I like to say that my pets make me happy, or beef jerky makes me happy, or getting through town without hitting a single red light makes me happy. But I don't think I've ever been genuinely "happy" about anything, because I have an impeccable track record of rotten luck. I grew up and in spite of my mother's best efforts, I was still molested and raped by so-called "trusted" family members; I was demeaned and made fun of because I thought differently than the rest of the brats at school did; my artwork was too weird and too dark for "normal" people...you get the picture.
So, in light of all the good and positive things that have FINALLY been happening to me, I can't help but wonder...why the hell can't I feel happy now that things are going good?

[Piraeus]

Gratz for getting your book published. I want to write a small book to put on Kindle. Gratz for getting a raise at work. Those are accomplishments you should be proud of. You worked hard to get there. You have something to be happy about.

I'm sorry about your Dad. I know in some ways you don't want to talk to him, and in other ways you do. I'm glad you feel some closure.

Keep reaching for the sky. Maybe your books will be a big hit, and you will make lots of money. If you want to be happy, firstyou must find what makes you happy.

Sincerely,

Piraeus

[Perna]

Congratulations on all your hard work paying off. For me, happiness is akin to contentment; when I do my best toward getting what I want to get and I do good work, I am content and, if what I want comes to be, happy. Happiness isn't a permanent state of being, although contentment can be. Happiness is a drink of cool water on a hot day; you're glad it's there (but you'd be content with finding even warm water and being able to wash the dirt and grime off your face).