[MissInvisible]

Sorry, this will be me just rambling on about what I currently want to say.

I don't know how to cope when people ignore me or reject me. I was born or made this way. I'm shy and I'm okay to be this way. But many people don't like it. I can talk. I talk so much when I know what to say. This morning, my supervisor asked me about a possible job, I said the time I wanted but he didn't write it down. But for the others, he did. Then, when I was about to go, he asked me and I said yeah, so I guess he knows I want it. I also said see you later to him and he ignored me. I said it out loud to him. I guess he doesn't dislike me. I have this impression that it's the end of the world if one person dislikes me. It might be silly but whenever I see my friend list number decrease on facebook, I feel a little down. I ask myself lots of questions and I assume they might dislike me. I can't help it if I'm a rubbish friend. I don't want to change me. I will speak more when I feel comfortable and when I know what to say. I can't just come up to someone and randomly say something. I also have the difficulty to express what I want to say. Sometimes when I want to say something, I sometimes just forget to say it. Maybe it's just my brain fooling me into believing that I'm disliked.

[Obscure-Angel]

Hi :-) you sound just like me.. or the person I used to be. It sounds to me just that you're very sensitive, and I'm guessing you think too much about everything. If you do, trust me, many others don't. They won't even realise you feel this way or think they've ignored you. I'm sure you're a great friend

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[MissInvisible]

Originally Posted by Obscure-Angel

Hi :-) you sound just like me.. or the person I used to be. It sounds to me just that you're very sensitive, and I'm guessing you think too much about everything. If you do, trust me, many others don't. They won't even realise you feel this way or think they've ignored you. I'm sure you're a great friend

Sent from my HTC One using Tapatalk 2

That's true, I'm very sensitive. I take things way too seriously. Other people are still happy with me, I guess that's a good sign that I'm a good friend.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by MissInvisible

I don't know how to cope when people ignore me or reject me. I was born or made this way.

To be ignored and rejected?

How you feel and how you act are two different things. The feelings are supposed to help you with your actions, the feelings and your thoughts work together to come up with the best possible action for you.

It is good for the human race you are shy There's someone else out there that just jumps into danger with no thought and gets killed off. We need all kinds of people, not just introverts, not just extroverts.

Notice though that the idiot that jumped into danger didn't think? That's not different from the shy person who holds back without thinking, just because they're shy.

When you and I are ignored or rejected, we're supposed to say "Ouch!" We cannot be ignored if we say, "Ouch!" The space cadet idiot is going to jump when we say "Ouch" and say, "Oh, I didn't see you there, sorry!"

Then there's the angry, driven, must-control-the-world-or-die person; who is actually scared, by the way, that's why they have to control; they're like a mega-Monk (TV show guy) but don't realize it; with us we feel ignored or rejected? They just feel pissed all the time because you can't control the world so nothing seems to ever go right for them; they feel like the world is fighting them -- anyway that person is going to feel rejecting, "What are you doing sitting in MY seat; it's your fault I sat on you!"

The angry, driven, must-control-the-world-or-die person isn't very rational and it's better to move away from them if you can. If you cannot move away from them (my stepmother :-) then it's best to apologize and pay a bit more attention to where they are and what they want and see if you can get what you want "around" them. It doesn't hurt you to notice where they were sitting and make sure you sit in a different seat when you sit or, if they are wrong and were sitting in the other seat but decided yours was theirs, you speak up and say, "Sorry, this seat was empty so I took it," and then you change seats. People usually won't argue with you if you don't argue back, can do what they want but you still have to let them know you are there; if you just quietly move, they will forget the incident and it will keep happening. You have to at least "speak" and give yourself "substance".

There's really no point in challenging or arguing with the angry, driven, must-control-the-world-or-die person, they can't hear you and you could get hurt. The best you can do is remind them you are there every now and then. But you have to remind yourself too, that's why the "so I took it" must be said. If you don't remind yourself about yourself then who will? You'll start to think like everyone else tells you to think and their thoughts are not supposed to be your thoughts, their thoughts are about themselves and your thoughts are supposed to be about, you-know-who

But the majority of people are in the middle and will sit next to you and may/may not say anything. Because you have been saying to yourself "so I took it" you don't mind saying to the other person, "Hey, I took this seat because it faces the front of the subway car; I get sick if I have to ride backwards" and you get into a fun discussion about commuting or types of transportation or roller coasters and other fun things that make you sick :-)

I was taking a writing class and had written a humorous poem about my car that I was selling; I loved that car and had the poem out and the guy sitting next to me on the bus saw it and we started discussing the car. It turned out he had the exact same car, color and everything and wanted to buy my car for parts, he did demolition derby stuff (I was selling it for something like $200, as-is) but I got passionate about how much I loved the car and couldn't let it be used that way, etc. and the couple behind me heard us and they bought the car because of how much I loved it! They knew it wasn't in great shape but that I was "honest" and that I wasn't a sleazeball trying to get something for nothing.

You have to inhabit yourself and let other people see you are inhabited Sure it's scary dealing with the others but practice makes it a little less so.

[MissInvisible]

Originally Posted by Perna

To be ignored and rejected?

How you feel and how you act are two different things. The feelings are supposed to help you with your actions, the feelings and your thoughts work together to come up with the best possible action for you.

It is good for the human race you are shy There's someone else out there that just jumps into danger with no thought and gets killed off. We need all kinds of people, not just introverts, not just extroverts.

Notice though that the idiot that jumped into danger didn't think? That's not different from the shy person who holds back without thinking, just because they're shy.

When you and I are ignored or rejected, we're supposed to say "Ouch!" We cannot be ignored if we say, "Ouch!" The space cadet idiot is going to jump when we say "Ouch" and say, "Oh, I didn't see you there, sorry!"

Then there's the angry, driven, must-control-the-world-or-die person; who is actually scared, by the way, that's why they have to control; they're like a mega-Monk (TV show guy) but don't realize it; with us we feel ignored or rejected? They just feel pissed all the time because you can't control the world so nothing seems to ever go right for them; they feel like the world is fighting them -- anyway that person is going to feel rejecting, "What are you doing sitting in MY seat; it's your fault I sat on you!"

The angry, driven, must-control-the-world-or-die person isn't very rational and it's better to move away from them if you can. If you cannot move away from them (my stepmother :-) then it's best to apologize and pay a bit more attention to where they are and what they want and see if you can get what you want "around" them. It doesn't hurt you to notice where they were sitting and make sure you sit in a different seat when you sit or, if they are wrong and were sitting in the other seat but decided yours was theirs, you speak up and say, "Sorry, this seat was empty so I took it," and then you change seats. People usually won't argue with you if you don't argue back, can do what they want but you still have to let them know you are there; if you just quietly move, they will forget the incident and it will keep happening. You have to at least "speak" and give yourself "substance".

There's really no point in challenging or arguing with the angry, driven, must-control-the-world-or-die person, they can't hear you and you could get hurt. The best you can do is remind them you are there every now and then. But you have to remind yourself too, that's why the "so I took it" must be said. If you don't remind yourself about yourself then who will? You'll start to think like everyone else tells you to think and their thoughts are not supposed to be your thoughts, their thoughts are about themselves and your thoughts are supposed to be about, you-know-who

But the majority of people are in the middle and will sit next to you and may/may not say anything. Because you have been saying to yourself "so I took it" you don't mind saying to the other person, "Hey, I took this seat because it faces the front of the subway car; I get sick if I have to ride backwards" and you get into a fun discussion about commuting or types of transportation or roller coasters and other fun things that make you sick :-)

I was taking a writing class and had written a humorous poem about my car that I was selling; I loved that car and had the poem out and the guy sitting next to me on the bus saw it and we started discussing the car. It turned out he had the exact same car, color and everything and wanted to buy my car for parts, he did demolition derby stuff (I was selling it for something like $200, as-is) but I got passionate about how much I loved the car and couldn't let it be used that way, etc. and the couple behind me heard us and they bought the car because of how much I loved it! They knew it wasn't in great shape but that I was "honest" and that I wasn't a sleazeball trying to get something for nothing.

You have to inhabit yourself and let other people see you are inhabited Sure it's scary dealing with the others but practice makes it a little less so.

I think I know what you mean. I really do like the way you describe things. I will try to do the things you wrote. Thank you for your help

[roseely12]

don't worry and trust on yourself.............