[almakic88]

...in a fast-paced modern world? Like, I know I'm mediocre. Graduated with a French bachelor's that i did absolutely nothing with. Been working in a library for 5 years, enrolled in St. John's University right now for Library Science, but just can't find a job. I feel spiritually empty....I have no friends or any drive of any sort. I'm 25 and still live with my folks. What techniques do you guys have to make yourselves feel better about your own perceived average-ness and depression? Especially if something like God or faith is out of the picture...I wish I believed in God. I used to. But the past 2 years of my life have been so bad that I now have serious doubts....

Alma

[Thunder Bow]

You seem quite intelligent and smart. Your area of study makes it difficult to find a job, but you can do it, if you apply your smarts, as you have been doing.

Religion is all about control and social order. Thus going to church will not help you feel better spiritually. Consider other ways of being "Spiritual".

[almakic88]

Originally Posted by Thunder Bow

You seem quite intelligent and smart. Your area of study makes it difficult to find a job, but you can do it, if you apply your smarts, as you have been doing.

Religion is all about control and social order. Thus going to church will not help you feel better spiritually. Consider other ways of being "Spiritual".

Thank you Thunder Bow. I am doing my best but am having a hard time with feelings of depression. I really enjoyed your response to what Detia said in her post on motivation. You said that because she slept under a tree before going home from work, she was beginning to take care of herself. I thought that was very insightful and kind of you to say.

I feel conflicted about library science because although I think it is an interesting field, I also feel this need to spend time (when I'm outside of school) learning about things that are not empirical, but rather spiritual. I listen to spiritual music, I light incense, spend alone time just meditating. I sometimes feel guilty about this because I feel like this way of living is opposite of what my professors expect of me as a professional, which is to be always rational, goal-oriented, and focus on facts. I feel like this is what contributed to my depression; I lost my sense of spiritual grounding. I am worried that I won't have what it takes to succeed in that field because I am a little spiritual and foggy-minded always. lol Does this make any sense...?

Anyway, thank you again.

~Alma

[Thunder Bow]

Thank You. Always go with your Heart. Never ever, feel guilty about it. You are on a good path, and you will do well. No need to have be "Rational" all the time. You are smart, and you are going to do well.

I'm not sure but I don't think job situations mean mediocrity. I'd think it would be better to separate your feelings of worth from your job as much as possible.
I mean, just because your job can be mundane/mediocre doesn't mean you are.
You aren't your job, you aren't your illness, you are you. What you make of that is up to you. There are so many ways to make your life remarkable. Keep looking Good luck!

[almakic88]

Thank you George! Those are my sentiments too but sometimes I doubt myself....thank you so much for reminding me of what I already know....

~Alma

[Webgoji]

I don't think this has anything really to do with you truly being mediocre, but not living up to someone else's irrational standard ...

Originally Posted by almakic88

I sometimes feel guilty about this because I feel like this way of living is opposite of what my professors expect of me as a professional, which is to be always rational, goal-oriented, and focus on facts.

~Alma

I can only speak for myself, but I find that I don't feel like I add up not because of my own need to be perfect, but because of the way the "world" views me.

Basically, society seems to bombard us with concepts of what exceptional is, how we should attain it and then demonstrates how we don't live up to that example. It's no wonder we attach the mediocre label to ourselves. When the people and media around you compare you to a fantasy of perfection that only exists through scripts and airbrushing, you can't help but feel less than perfect.

Just as you said, your method doesn't match the example so it's looked down upon. (Reality is that meditation practice is very fact-based ... there's nothing mystical or magical about it.)

I would suggest practicing on developing your confidence. You're far from mediocre in that you speak multiple languages, more than any of the people in my lab do. Make lists and quit comparing yourself, your more exceptional than you think.

[almakic88]

Thank you Webgoji....what a kind and thoughtful response. I think I will work on building some self-esteem...I feel better just from talking to the people on this forum. Thanks again....

~Alma

[LadyShadow]

Hello Alma!

I really agree with what Webgoji said. We feel mediocre because of what society and outsiders think of us and thus we put a label on ourselves, as what type of life we are supposed to be living.

For some reason, without the constant pictures, showing off, skydiving and whatever else it is that makes people happy, we are not good enough, and feel our self worth isn't enough.

I am glad you enjoy meditating and lighting your candles, you keep doing that!

I enjoy doing those things as well. It gets me deeper in touch with my third eye and my spirituality.

I often struggle with the idea of God and my place in this universe, and I often wonder about my own mediocrity too, because I'm not working, bipolar and 33 and living with my parents too. I live every day for me. I try to set small goals for myself so that way when I am ready to go back to work, I won't fail this time.

It's hard when you feel you took a step backwards, or are going in the wrong direction.

I understand what it feels like, so just try to enjoy your life by doing things for you and not what you think other people think is a "fun" interesting life. You sound very interesting to me

[Skywoulf]

mediocrity, I have learned to live with it, because I KNOW I will never have it better.....

on the GOD issue....
Yes I believe in GOD. Yes I Believe in the king james version of the Bible. and I also believe that the path to GOD is as individual as the person seeking it.
so I don't try to tell someone that they need it, I let them make up their own mind.

that being said, in my 51 years of experience I have attended most churches/religeons that can be found in the united states. (even some of those "Way out there" ones) what I have found is this: all churches/religons have lost their purpose/way/direction. when in a church service at a church that extols what "THEY" did for others instead of extolling what GOD did for them/others in my opnion it is time to run for the hills! Church is big corperate business nowadays avoid it like the plague! instead if you wish to seek GOD, or as my native American nation calls "Creator" it is something you can only do on your own. no one else can lead you there. it is YOU who must choose to walk that path or not.....

hope that takes some of the ambiguity out of the situation

[Thorn Bird]

Sadly, however much you achieve or how ever much you are good at something etc. If you have a poor self-image it will never be good enough. It sounds like you suffer from low self-esteem and this is making you depressed. The depression is causing you to feel the way you do about your career and your life. Once your state of mind has improved you will see things and your opportunities in a different light. Maybe take a visit to your Dr to see if he can give you something to lift your mood.

[almakic88]

Originally Posted by Thorn Bird

Sadly, however much you achieve or how ever much you are good at something etc. If you have a poor self-image it will never be good enough. It sounds like you suffer from low self-esteem and this is making you depressed. The depression is causing you to feel the way you do about your career and your life. Once your state of mind has improved you will see things and your opportunities in a different light. Maybe take a visit to your Dr to see if he can give you something to lift your mood.

Thanks, Thorn Bird...what you say rings true. I've always had poor self-esteem (difficult upbringing, lots of chaos in my family too when I was growing up). Now I am an adult and achieving things but I still feel really down and I noticed I never give myself credit for anything. This makes me think that it's not the things I'm doing that are wrong, but rather my self-concept.

Maybe I should be easier on myself...?

~Alma