[Rex44]

Ok I'm really nervous posting this but I'm desperate for some answers. Where to begin?

I would say about 4 years ago something changed within me but it's only been this past year- year and a half I've noticed it. I don't know the correct way to explain what I'm struggling with but basically I think I might be crazy- going insane, on the verge of a melt/break down.

I'm not trying to be dramatic or anything but I feel like something isn't right within me. I can't identify my emotions anymore or why certain thoughts or moods come over me. I'm highly paranoid with trust issues (although it turns out I'm right to think this way).

Best way of explaining is one moment I'll be so happy that I can't even remember what being sad is like but then literally within a moment I'm so upset- crying, thinking the worst. I can't handle it anymore.

I feel like I'm losing myself and I don't actually remember what I was like before all this conflicting thoughts came. I'm too scared to go to the doctors in case they just shrug it off and put it down to hormones or being overly dramatic.

[TwelveHours]

It sounds almost like something that happened four years ago triggered these feelings. What do you think?

This is a bit uncanny. I had a breakdown four years ago before I came out of the closet. Then, I had another breakdown several months ago. Paranoia surfaced four years ago and has progessively gotten worse (though now I have a better handle on it) but it also feels 'legit' (just because it feels it can be true, doesn't always mean it is).

The extreme happiness/despairing sadness is something I have experienced in the middle of these last four years. In the beginning and up until a few days ago I felt utter hopelessness to the extent of continual psychotic breakdowns and an intense desire to die. There is no way the agony of that experience can be placed into words.

There can be many reasons you are going through this. It can be something you are having trouble dealing with in your life, or perhaps you have developed a mental illness. Make an appointment to see a psychologist. They won't allow you to feel that way.