First pet died today..

I'd always wanted a pet. At first, it was a dog, maybe a cat. It'd even gone to the point where I had written short stories about my dream pets, like a dog who could eat with chopsticks and do my homework for me (I was about 5 when this all started) and finally, when I turned eleven my mom bought me my first pet.
His name was Ace, he was a bearded dragon.. and he died this morning. I'm seventeen years old now, so I'd had him for a little more than six years.
This may sound ridiculous, but he really was one of the best things that ever happened to me. At first I had him in my bedroom, but soon enough my entire family fell in love with the little guy because he was so social and people loving, even being a lizard. Soon we moved him into the living room so he could really feel like he was part of the family.
He'd perk up whenever somebody came home, he would give a paw even and whenever I was sad and crying, I would pick him up and he'd nuzzle on my shoulder into my neck and fall asleep there - something he'd only do when I was upset.
Everything had been going great until this past weekend. He turned black last night and would barely move; he wouldn't eat, wouldn't drink and could barely breath.. I went off to school this morning in a rush and didn't even say goodbye, when my mom came home at 11am she found him even more sickly, picked him up and he died in her hands..
I know that to some he might be just a lizard, but he was so much more to me, to my family.. sometimes he'd be the only thing that could make me smile
I've never dealt with death before. Ever. I have a small family and don't know anybody or anything close to me that has died.. All I can think about is how lately I haven't been spending as much time as him, between school and friends... It makes me feel horrible..
How can I get through this? All I want to do is cry and curl up in my bed and never leave, I probably won't go to school tomorrow. And I still haven't gotten his coffin-box ready yet. I feel like throwing up at the thought of food, I've smoked more than my daily dose of nicotine, I just don't know what to do...
How have you all dealt with pets passing?

I am so sorry for your loss. To answer your question, yes, I have lost a loved and cherished pet. My cat, just passed away by my side, early yesterday morning.

She laid her paw, around my waist. It was a moving experience, to say the least.

Thoughts are with you, through your grieving process.

I'm so sorry for your loss.
Let yourself cry. It's normal and healthy to grieve. Of course you are sad.
You did not cause your pet to die just because you were busy, so don't blame yourself.
I know will sound cliche' but it will get easier with time. Remember the good times, and be grateful you had a great pet.
I wish you only the best as you work through this difficult time...

I'm sorry for both your losses. It's always hard to lose a pet. I've lost a lot of them over the years to various causes. I keep reptiles too, and can understand attachments to any living critter. Just know you loved him. It's ok to cry and be a mess. He was an important part of your life. He's still with you in your heart and memories. (Hugs)

Anyone who would say he was just a lizard is very, very wrong. Pets are special. They give us something that, sometimes, not even other human beings can. Non judgmental devotion.The first time I lost a pet, I was 12. It was my guinea pig. It was hard dealing with his loss. I actually didn't know how to feel. I never dealt with it. I never faced it. Until I lost my Shetland Sheepdog mix several years later.

Her passing away hit me hard. I mourned for a year after losing her. I went through my grief, but it took me a while. Just remember that what you're feeling right now - the pain, the hurt, the confusion, maybe even some anger - it's normal. Yes, we grieve for our pets just the same as we'd grieve for a human. Allow yourself to go through each stage. It's healthy to go through each stage. And don't be afraid to share your hurt with other people. Don't be afraid to talk. Many of us do understand. Even now, I think about my Shetland Sheepdog and my guinea pig and I want to both smile for the time we had together and cry because they're not here physically. The pain gets easier to deal with in due time. Eventually, you'll be smiling through the tears because you'll remember the good times.

I hope it's okay for me to link this site. It helped me a lot after the death of my Sheltie, though, so I figured I'd share it with you. I kept a journal there (you can find it if you want, her name was Cinnamon, that helps you find it - the name I used isn't my birth name, so I'm not afraid at potentially having it seen here) and it helped me a lot. Just reading through some of the journals and the articles helped, too.

Pet Loss Matters, because pet loss, matters.

As the site suggests, never forget that pet loss matters, too.

I like the kind of Honoring I see in these posts

I've dealt with death many times. It's not uncommon to feel guilt or think of things you "could have done better" and ways you think you failed. I don't know how to tell you to deal with that part of it. I'm still working on that myself. I have a cat that belonged to my mom who died in 2004. The cat is in poor health and will die soon. I've taken very good care of him. But I'll still think of things I may have done better. I'm so sorry for the loss of your pet and hope you feel better soon regarding the guilt. Don't be afraid to grieve whether it takes the form of sadness or anger. It's a necessary step.

I agree with all the poster's who referred to the grieving process. It will take time. I've had many furbabies through the years and with the death of each one they've taken a piece of my heart with them. And yes, I've had guilt and remorse. That is normal but I fine it hard to deal with. I've now got two dogs, both over the age 10. Not quite sure how old they are since they were both rescues. All I know is that with each year I have them is a blessing. Please take your time with the grief process and at some point you will find that you have the love and need for another pet. When that time comes you will know when you are ready. Pets bring so much to our lives. Take care of yourself.