I've lost all hopes, can anybody help?

Hello all!
First of all thanks for taking time to reading my thread, I just joined PsychCentral...
I'm 22 years old male, suffering from I don't know what, but whatever it is, it has ruined everything in my life... I've been to psychiatrists, but it didn't help me at all, they didn't listen to all what I wanted to say, or they got the vital points they needed, anyway, it didn't help me at all. I suspect that I maybe wasn't able to communicate myself successfully... anyway, I have took some time to write what I'm experiencing, hope that helps, I need opinion from you guys to what should I do.

I'd start with my life story, I was a lazy but smart student from the start, which still got good grades and was highly creative in his own way, wasn't much talkative, a bit of shy type but had a happy and satisfactory life. I don't know what started to strike me since the age of 15 (Like after one year of when my puberty started)... I got to be tensed, stressed, my muscles of neck and shoulders were like contracted, could be easily frightened by any loud voice/sound... It gradually got worse, affecting my learning capabilities, social skills, communication skills, and many vital skills... It got so worse that even I think to quit my misery by taking any kind of easy suicide path, I don't think so that it's from depression, I think it's that I gave up and can't fight with whatever I am fighting anymore...

Anyway here are few of my symptoms that I feel nowadays.

#Have very poor memory
#Whenever I'm tired, sleepless, or get attention of others or do something socially awkward I'm in worse condition.
#I can't concentrate on anything, can concentrate for a very little time and then get bored, and leave that activity for something else.
#I've no personality
#Do things without thinking about their consequences
#Became so immature, even at 16 I could make decision my easily and faster
#Uncertain feelings
#Always feeling that I need to do something
#Can't relax at all
#Have difficulty to learn new things
#Always have keep my feet or hands moving, rubbing to each other or shaking them
#Don't have a stable mood
#Always want to have fun
#Can't wait at all, just want to rush through everything and get results
#Waiting for someone or something is extremely difficult
#Do not feel sad or depressed
#I'm always late, always late.
#Always doing procrastination in my tasks, poor in performing chores
#Every thing I've to do seems like a hell of burden
#Disorganized as hell, everything in my life is a mess, mentally and physically everything around me.
#Get bored easily
#I feel that I've enormous mental energy
#Speaking/Talking problems, forget words
#Classmates which are very less intelligent than me are getting good grades than me
#Seems like failing in life
#Have no motivation to work, just have pressure/stress that I need to do work.
#Have no sense of comfort
#Overlook things
#Get worried too much about if things go wrong
#Can't handle frustration
#Became very pessimistic
#Mentally very weak, am like a 10 years.
#I'm not opinionated
#Have no manly personality
#Get angry quickly but always absorb that anger, else if I burst it, it will make me feel very guilty
#Have very low or no self esteem at all
#Can do much for people and expect much
#Get disheartened very easily
#Giveup very easily
#Muscles of my shoulders and neck seems to be always stretched
#Get nervous very easily
#Forget things much
#It take a lot of effort to listen to others carefully and what they want to say
#Remembering names are very much difficult
#No determined
#Change my decisions quickly
#Get impressed easily
#Masturbation makes me feel worse
#Can't stop thinking, thinking all the time
#Trouble falling asleep, have a little sleep
#I'm not aware of myself, what am I, what attributes I have, remember things from my past but can't connect or make a meaningful connection, am undecided about my life and my past.
#Not mental clear
#Not at all mentally alert
#It makes me mentally dumb
#can't make meaning of things
#I have 130+ IQ, took some tests online
#Can't talk or convey my message fluently
#Communication skills problems
#Social skills problems
#Have very less feelings
#Forgetfulness
#Forget things that where I put them
#Am very sensitive, very much.
#Always feel like something pressure on my brain, keeping it from relaxing, it's like stretched, and can't do mental work at all
#I run from mental work
#Am extremely tired from the mental work
#Do not want to do mental work, or if I do, I get so tensed
#I can't stop talking
#Get excited too quickly
#No serious attitude towards life
#Have lost the track of everything
#I don't know whatever I'm suffering from, but it's in worse shape and made my life difficult, made my hopes destroyed, I gave up even when I'm so young.
#Got scared easily from a loud sound or voice
#Get scared easily or feel extremely uncomfortable when someone touch my feet
#Doing things and talking about things without thinking what I mean to, but am just talking or doing things which I do not know where is leading me
#mental cloudiness
#Started from the age of 16, just turned 22 now.
#I think I have/had depression and anxiety but the main cause is something else behind it.
#If you tell me four names at a time, I will have very much difficulty to repeat them after you.
#My mind feels turned off
#I'm very little better when I'm very rested and have good health.
#Slow thinking process
#Do a lot of work at the same time.
#No concept of relaxation, just work work and work.
#Get afraid easily or things
#Feels to have no goal in life or goal not getting completed
#I start studying but can't continue, get lost in something else, or is very difficult for me, I need a lot of motivation to do it... I run from the things where mental work is needed.
#Have very passive personality
#Feel like I deserve nothing.
#No matter how tired I am, can't go to sleep easily, like my mind is keeping me awake.
#Take and personal offending so serious, can even go to fight a person for very small thing
#Get angry quickly.
#Can't remember lyrics of the songs, or remember conversations.
#I am super intelligent sometimes, can outrun any smartest person.
#Feel pain and feel weak in body.
#Skip through details, just want the result, don't want to work at all (can't) but want results.
#After doing anything, I think over think again, and my subconscious is like criticizing whatever I do, every second I feel like I'm on wrong side.
Had also tested my T levels, it's around 670.

Previous meds I took:
#More than 3 months I took Serline (Sertraline HCL) 10mg, then Serline 100mg for like 4 months, then changed my medicine to Paroxin 10 mg and Piride 10 mg took them for like 1 year... They all felt like a waste, no positive effect at all, then left it.

#Took Cipralex 10mg for a month, no effect at all.

And when I took the very first antidepressant pill in first few hours, I've felt like my concentration and mind started working, then... nothing, everything is back to normal.

:Had a very little CBT for my depression

Diagnosis:
#Social Phobia
#Depression
#Anxiety

My thoughts:
#I've looked my symptoms online, searched about a lot of mental diseases.... the two diseases I think I might have one of them or both are ADHD and Bipolar Disorder... have suspicion of POIS, because after masturbation I feel it worse, my muscles gets smaller in size, I get weak, joints hurts, get more depressed, mental clarity gets more faded... I don't masturbate much (ie: twice a week at max).

PS- I've my sibling diagnosed depression. I want to live a good and happy life, I've loved ones but due to my illness despite trying loving them, I'm tensed and irritating person

Sounds like bipolar to me. You've listed several things about yourself that you think is good about yourself and the rest bad.

Quite a List. If you made that list..then there is nothing wrong with you. You remembered every thing, in full detail, no less. thus you do not have a memory problem. It took great concentration skills just to make that list. Cognitive Therapy will help you sort things out for yourself. Avoid medications if you can. As For the list you just posted, I suggest you press alt+ctrl+delete and erase the whole thing and restart your computer.

Thank you for your input
It took me great amount of effort and hours to come up that list... Yes, I do agree that I need CBT for sure, but there is something wrong with me mentally too, I just get mentally tired quickly, have some sort of weight like on my brain, and have some serious concentration and feeling issues, it makes me sound like a retarded too

I'm much better when I wake up from a good sleep.

You feel that way, because you are over working your mind to much. No wonder you are always feeling mentally tired. Try giving yourself a break. You have no need to be so hard on yourself. You may want to try meditation music CDs to help you slow your mind down. You feel better after a good sleep because your mind did indeed slow down.

Dear lost, perhaps you have Attention Deficit Disorder! A bunch of the symptoms you listed sounded so familiar. Love yourself. Make time for fun/enjoyment everyday. Its part of self care. Even if you can devote only 30 minutes a day. It is all yours. Have fun. "Play". For that time segment devote it to you. Encourage yourself. What would you tell your best friend? Blessings!

Thank you
I actually went to see three Psychiatrists, one diagnosed me with OCD and other did with Personality disorderd... What is going on? I'm really confused!

PS- Previously, diagnose by three Psychiatrists, for Anxiety, Depression and Social Phobia... and none of their meds or therapy did work!

Getting lost more and more...

A little life saving help please?

There are no Quick Fix. You must dedicate yourself to your own healing. It can and will take time.

I think u have depression and anxiety disorders. Since these symtoms started awhile ago they've become normal routine which u need to slowly change. Make a list of one to three things u should do each day and do it. Make more friends on lbi and watch a movie! Take care

Make friends online or in person!