[MikkiM89]

I feel STUCK. That's the best way to put it. I despise myself, but have to keep up a show for my family, because I care about my 4 kids more than anything. I feel useless, and it's a major accomplishment if I can just get a load of laundry done when I get home from work...and yet my family lives me and wants to have a birthday party for me, even though I feel so undeserving. I'm a fake. I make such a small impact on the world. My kids are old enough that they will be fine no matter what. My husband...well, he will be okay. So what purpose do I have? I can't think of any. I have recently decided that I'm a pragmatic agnostic, which takes away the comfort of religion. I am so purposeless! And yet indeed to protect those I love, so I don't reveal anything...hence, this post in a forum where I know no one and expect not to be judged.

[Thunder Bow]

See your Doctor. May be suffering from Depression.

[gayleggg]

I agree, see a doctor. As long as you have children you have a purpose even if it seems small. Mine's 38 and still calls mom when she needs helps or someone to talk to. You have a purpose. Now you just need to find out why you are feeling so down.

[MikkiM89]

Thanks for the suggestions. Looking back on what I wrote, I realize that I get lower than usual more often these days. I think life just piled on so much, and I'm not doing well under the pressure. I'm freaked out a bit about going to a doctor, and I like to think that I will just be able to get through this on my own...but I may have to give in soon. I don't want my kids to remember me as a perpetually unhappy person.