[OnceUponADream]

I feel like I have issues with irrational guilt. Situations that I intellectually know should not cause guilt in me make me feel extremely guilty.

One of my biggest examples is holidays that involve presents. It doesn't matter if it is Christmas where everyone gets presents or my birthday when it's only me. I love giving people presents, but I see presents under the tree for me and I feel really guilty.

That's not the only situation. I feel guilty thinking about the fact that I got a new cat about a year ago - what if she could have had a better, happier life with someone else?

I'm posting this today because I had another example, and I'm not entirely sure how I'm supposed to react in this sort of situation. I went to Starbucks today and thought about ordering one of their new holiday lattes. I asked what went into it and the girl I was speaking to really talked it up. I ended up going with another one that I've had before (I'm not very good with change, and another car had pulled up behind me so I decided to hurry on deciding). When I pulled up to the window and payed with a card. Then, the girl said that there was extra milk from my drink so she made me a sample of the new drink. I thanked her and realized that since I pay with a card instead of having cash I couldn't tip in the drive-through. After I left, I realized that the fact that she had said that it wasn't heated as much so that I could drink it may have meant that I should have tasted it while I was there. But the other car was behind me and I panic at the idea of holding up the line.

I'm not very good at social cues, but I don't think I should be feeling so guilty over this... It was her decision to do something nice for me, and there wasn't much I could do in response. Maybe I should have tasted it and commented on it while I was there, but now I'm obsessing and feeling guilty about it. I don't know...

Does anyone have advice on how to deal with guilt? Between trying to figure out what I should feel guilty about and trying to manage guilt that I don't think is reasonable for the situation, I want to learn more about how to manage my emotions.

Sorry the post is so long...

[yellowfrog268]

Are you seeing a therapist?

[yellowfrog268]

What you're describing sounds like low self esteem. That combined with difficulty reading social cues can leave a person feeling confused about self worth.

[OnceUponADream]

Originally Posted by yellowfrog268

What you're describing sounds like low self esteem. That combined with difficulty reading social cues can leave a person feeling confused about self worth.

I do think I have low self-esteem, but I hadn't thought about the guilt issues being related to it... I just find it odd that I can know that guilt isn't the right response and still feel it.

[OnceUponADream]

Originally Posted by yellowfrog268

Are you seeing a therapist?

No, I saw a therapist at my University, but I felt that it didn't go well. I felt like I had more problems at the end, in a way (or maybe I was just recognizing more issues). I ended up leaving the country for a study abroad trip during the summer break, so I couldn't continue going to therapy. When I emailed this to her and she never replied, I kind of just gave up...

[yellowfrog268]

The question now is, where is it coming from. It seems as though your head recognizes that you guilt isn't the appropriate feeling (at times) but it seems like your gut is saying something else.

[yellowfrog268]

I see, well, many on here have experienced something similar with therapists.

I hope you get to the bottom of what's driving these feelings. You deserve to be happy, have nice things done for you, and do nice things without second guessing it all.

[Beau_Duc]

Sorry that you're feeling that guilt stuff, I feel it too. My self worth ad self esteem are extremely low, which is where they stay. I gather from this thread that this is where the guilt issues stem from, thats handy to know, I this is right, then working on worth and esteem, could help with the guilt, right? *hug*

[BLUEDOVE]

Next time,or a past time,ask this question of your-
self: "If my parent(s) knew what I just did,would
they approve or disapprove?" And the putting self
down,is not you either,it is the 'auditory imprints'
from your parents,which you mistakenly think originate from you. This is so thoroughly embedded
we cannot distinguish it from our own thoughts.
Sooo,immediately,start to lighten up on your dear
self,be way more forgiving of mistakes,and way more gentle on yourself . . .IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!
Deepest Respect,
BLUEDOVE

[BLUEDOVE]

P.S. Please get a therapist as soon as possible,you
need a lot of clarification of why,when,where,who,
you have these episodes.
B.