[Orcasaver]

Hi everyone I'm new to this forum. I was diagnosed with bipolar and depression after almost dying from an overdose. I don't remember the ride to the hospital or anything from that day really. I wasn't intentionally trying to kill myself but at that point I didn't care. I'm an only child. No family just me and my mother. My father died before I was born. My mom is absolutely the best mother ever. I don't really no what went wrong. I went from being a "normal" teenager to waking up and not knowing who I was. I have always had very bad self esteem. It's weird my whole life I have been told how beautiful I am, and how smart I am or was. Even till this day. But yet I find myself feeling like I'm nothing. Crying, begging, and pleading for God to make me better. I feel so alone. I isolate myself because I feel awkward around people sometime. If you ever met me in person you would never think that I had any problem or care in the world. But the truth is I'm dying. Sometimes I just beg God to take me. I feel like what's the point of being alive if I don't feel alive. I don't have the heart to intentionally kill myself. My mom would be so broken. At night I cry. I try to hide my true feelings about how much I hate myself behind makeup. I h be spent so much money on cosmetics, hair extensions, brand name clothes, you name it, I have probably tried it. I'm now in college and currently failing my classes. I find it hard to focus I'm really losing myself. I have no friends to turn to and I don't want to be judged. I am on medicine. I am taking Zoloft 150 mg and depakote I'm not sure how much. I wasn't getting better and then I decided to stop taking them. I don't know why. Will taking them continuously again make me better again? I still have refills but I won't be able to see my doctor for awhile. Please feel free to give me your advice or comment. I know I don't know anyone and I will probably never meet you. But if you actually read this whole comment I know that you care. And I love you. I know I don't know anyone but I have never even told some of my closest family members how I really feel. I'm telling YOU.

[Thunder Bow]

Thank You for your post. Therapy can help you under stand your growing up situation. Your depression is rooted in that situation. You do need professional help, and you need to stick with it, and dedicate yourself to your own healing.

[kaliope]

hi orcasaver
Welcome to Psych Central. You will find that we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. You will get a lot of support here. Again, welcome.

[steelfang]

Yeah please do take your meds if you feel yourself slipping into a deep depression. I hate the idea of being forced to take pills and impulsively quit antidepressants for a month or so. Then I shot into mania and earned a bipolar diagnosis. Meds can make your life way easier and anything that can help alleviate the pain of the mentally is is really worth pursuing.

I am almost 20 and have been dealing with social isolation and feelings of emptiness and being misunderstood for years. You have done the right thing by joining this forum as we are all braving similar problems. Many of us have lots of advice and empathy to offer. It's hard to see now, but things will get better.