[almakic88]

I'm 25 and live with my parents, but sometimes it feels like I live with strangers. I never feel more alienated than when I'm at home. I woke up this morning and walked past my father and said hey. My mother asked "did you say good morning to your father?" I was like yeah I said hey. Then my dad yells from the other room "It's ok, blame me, Jesus died on the cross for everyone too." So my dad likens me giving him a little silent treatment to crucifying him on a cross. I don't like feeling like I'm an asshole, I'm usually a kind person, but it's hard to cozy up to a man who gets angry and tells me to "get lost" when I express doubts about school and my future. So I decided to give him space. Am I being unfair? I just wanted to share this little slice of life. Alma

[Thunder Bow]

Time to move out, only then will things improve.

[almakic88]

I wish I had the money....I'm in school now and working on finding a job. I don't think I will be out for another couple of years at least. I will just try to be patient.

[almakic88]

I would appreciate any advice though! Either on ways to move out, or on ways to be more patient...or both. lol

[almakic88]

But thank you, Thunder Bow. For a while I was thinking the problem was interpersonal; like maybe I just have a bad attitude or there is something wrong in my family. But I think we all just feel frustrated and are taking it out on each other. I'm frustrated because I'm 25 and want to be free to live my life already....and I resent my parents controlling me and telling me how to do things. And I think my parents sense that and are unwilling or afraid to let me and my brother (who is older) go. They want to keep us close to them but they don't realize we are adults and our own people. It's not an easy situation but I am doing my best to be patient and find work and study.

[wife22]

Sometimes it's hard for parents to give up on their babies, they still want to control the life and when it slips away they become defensive and frustrated . Show them little more warmth but be firm in your boundaries .you do not live your life for them,They may guide you but not push and demand .they are afraid of loosing you and growing old and lonely so they try to make you feel guilty unconsciously,to keep you dependent .it is hard,but you have to move on with your life while showing them warmth and respect
Good luck to you

[Thunder Bow]

You are smart and resourceful. You will find a way out of the situation.

[too SHy]

a parents job is to raise their children to be capable adults. It is natural for them to begin to let you go, and be proud of you. Also, your parents have a new phase of life they are embarking on. I agree you really should move out. Summon your strength.

[tealBumblebee]

Almakic, I truly understand your situation. I am 25 and living home as well. I went to college, got a degree in biology, currently work a part time job (pays not really sufficient when it's part time) and am trying to get into grad school. I understand its not as easy as "move out" - I think it's fair to not want to move into the slums (because thats all I can afford) for the sake of being "an adult" and satisfying the world aesthetically. My T has asked why i'm still home, and although there is a touch of dependency there (I wont deny that at all), she knows regardless I still don't have the funds to do it. I know what its like to have doubts about your career and I would honestly say, your parents aren't the one to bring those thoughts up to. I've learned that people simply don't understand questions in life once you get to a certain point, so perhaps those things are something to discuss with a good friend, community member or T - as I think they would more willingly give advice and from a better perspective. The only thing I can tell you in order to make peace with your circumstance is to 1) set goals with yourself (mine includes savings and GRE) and celebrate any little victory with someone outside of your home. 2) Don't ask, just be respectful of your parents house rules and do (My mother actually told me this in moving back home. She said not to start off asking permission, as an adult. Because one day the answer will be no, and it will get bad.) 3) If you need to isolate (a must for me) find things or ways to do it outside of the home (I've found relaxing/studying at Barnes & Noble, taking myself to a quiet lunch etc. to be great use of time away) that way you don't feel as if you're being rude/shunning them. Hope any of this helps! PM me if you ever just need to talk/vent.

[almakic88]

Thanks Bumblebee...I am almost done with my first semester at grad school; so I guess I'm on a good path already. My goal will be to keep applying for work in different libraries in the coming months, do some internships...and save up money. I'm going to a junior high class reunion and have recently made some new friends...which I am so happy about because I don't make friends easily.

My dream would be to move in with a good girlfriend and split the rent. That would be so awesome and ideal. I'll see how I get on with these new friends and maybe bring it up as a proposition in the future...

What do you think? Do these sound like good plans...? I need all the reinforcement I can get right now...

Thanks so much for your awesome response, I will definitely keep in touch with you. You've been super helpful...

Alma

[almakic88]

Thank you Thunderbow, it's much appreciated...

[tealBumblebee]

Originally Posted by almakic88

Thanks Bumblebee...I am almost done with my first semester at grad school; so I guess I'm on a good path already. My goal will be to keep applying for work in different libraries in the coming months, do some internships...and save up money. I'm going to a junior high class reunion and have recently made some new friends...which I am so happy about because I don't make friends easily.

My dream would be to move in with a good girlfriend and split the rent. That would be so awesome and ideal. I'll see how I get on with these new friends and maybe bring it up as a proposition in the future...

What do you think? Do these sound like good plans...? I need all the reinforcement I can get right now...

Thanks so much for your awesome response, I will definitely keep in touch with you. You've been super helpful...

Alma

Sorry it took me so long to reply!

Congratulations on finishing your first semester of grad school - I think you are definitely on a good path Cool! Sounds like you're doing well in multiple area's of life. I hope these new friends bring some joy and positivity to your life! I can't really tell you if moving in/splitting rent is a good/bad idea because I wouldn't know all the details of what/where/who is involved - I can tell you that before you move out, you should at least have 3 months worth of your portion saved up (or preferrably 6 months which would be 3 months full in case your roomie bailed). Sounds like a lovely thing to consider though. Glad I was helpful and yes def keep me updated.