[emptyandhostile-]

It's 6 am and haven't slept at all. I've been having a hard time letting down my guard down even at home I feel on edge. I always feel like something really bad is going to happen to me, and I always seem to think of the worst case scenario. I live in a rough area. probably the poorest in my country. The other night my boyfriend came with me to shoppers drug mart to pick up some cosmetics. On the walk there we were approached by a scruffy older dirty looking man who almost appeared high, or maybe hes just normally insane. At first he called us over, and we had no choice, because we were already crossing the street at that point. He asked for directions for somewhere he can eat at first. He tried to get us to give him our groceries. he said he would carry our bags if we filled a bag for his daughter full of stuff in shoppers. We told him we couldn't, and he seemed to be getting agitated with us. he told us he had a hard time seeing, he kept assisting that he would take our bags, and reached his hands towards my boyfriend. (My boyfriend was carrying our groceries) we were trying to not to take our attention off him, because we caught on fairly quickly. he started giving us a sob story. I don't know exactly how long we were standing there but it felt like forever. I was scared that he was going to pull out a weapon, and I felt extremely uncomfortable. I kept stepping back, because he was so close to us. He must have thought we were students because we were dressed fairly normal. But I told him we were on welfare, and i would help him out if we could. He told my boyfriend to take me home.

I have never been in that sort of confrontation before I'm originally from a small town. This kind of crap is normal here. I felt scared even though he didn't pull out a weapon, or threaten us. I still felt like something really bad was going to happen, and when I finally got in to shoppers I felt like I could take a deep breathe, and calm down a bit. I was trying hard not to lose my cool, but he was extremely pushy, and definitely wanted our belongings. I am now even more terrified at walking alone at night, I feel like I can trust no one. I feel like I constantly have to watch my back. I actually had an older lady at the bar tell me to watch my *** because i'm a young girl. Everyone here is angry, broke, druggies, gangsters, on welfare, there's hookers on my corner. The landlord is a slumlord. Having bedbugs, and cockroaches is normal here. It's so messed up. I feel like I was almost in a better situation when I looked more "punkrock" when i had studs and patches. people seemed to screw around a lot more. I always feel like I need to protect myself here. And of course weapons are illegal in canada. to carry them around anyways. I honestly don't know what to do. I could move but rent would probably be more expensive. I almost thought about getting some sort of guard dog so i would feel safer at home when my boyfriends at work or gone out. Even with the door locked I still feel unsafe. I get creeped out trying to sleep at night, almost feeling like someone is going to break in, and come in my room. I have a hard time having the bathroom window open because there's no screen. I don't know this place is messed up. I feel more depressed, and stressed out living here, and I have lived in bigger cities.

In the summer I wore shorts and had girls drive by insulted me, and I had a mc donalds bag thrown at my head. Gangsters made fun of my boyfriend moehawk too when he still had it. Complete strangers try to start drama here. I don't get it. I feel like isolating myself. I don't feel safe going anywhere. Urgh

[Thunder Bow]

You too, are part of the City, thus others may fear you as well. It all is a Mirror. The City is mirroring how you feel, and your Anxieties.

[Gus1234U]

strong emotions can seem overwhelming. i have just posted a list of coping skills in this forum, perhaps you will find something there that will be helpful to you ~!

http://forums.psychcentral.com/copin...whelming~.html

best wishes~
Gus

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