[WithTheHate]

For years now i have had emotional, and mental problems. It is starting to interphere with my daily life. It all started in the 7th grade. Im not sure of th reason why, because i cant remember exactly, but i started to become sad. And over the course of 7th grade i developed a hate for myself. A strong hate for every part of me. In the summer between 7th and 8th grade i started self harming. All the way through my 8th grade year i cut myself, overate, and even stole my parents cigerettes in atempt to feel better. About half way through 8th grade my cutting and depression got so bad they they turned into suicidal thoughts. I atempted suicide. The next week i was going to try again, but i told one of my friends about it. Somehow or another that friend told there parent who told the police. On the day the police came to my home. They asked me about if i planned to commit suicide. I said yes, and they took my to mental health hospital so i couldnt hurt myself. My parents were frightened that ive been this way without them knowing. After 1 day in the hospital they let me leave with 2 weeks of therapy. I went to therapy and all they focused on was my cutting. After therapy i stopped. I went home. My parents then thought i was magicly, okay. So they stoped asking me how i was and i eventually just kept getting worse. I am now over half way through the 9th grade. I havent cut since ive been to the hospital. Over the period of 9th grade my anxiety grew and my moods became wilder. I wouldnt nessisarily have mood swings, i would just find myself way over reacting to little things that set me off. My self image is completly ruined. Ive hated myself and every part of me for nearly 3 years now. I get so caught up in my strong dislike for myself that i get scared of people seeing me. When i look in the mirror i ether get an extreme anger for myself or a deep sadness of how ugly i look. I constantly feel worthless and empty. Like im just a waste of space. Not untill recently have these problems got in the way of my life majorly. But just today me and my partner got in a little fight over me being "okay" or "not." I got so frustrated i felt the urge to slice my arms up or go pop some more pills. I tried controling myself but i cant anymore. My emotions swing out of control and it ruins things. I sometimes feel overwhelmed with feelings that i cant even tell the person im talking to what i feel like. I sometimes feel disconected from things around me like im just in a spiral of feelings and hate and sadness. I got so frustrated and sad that i had to lay down. I started muttering to myself about how stupid i act when im mad. And how terrible i am, and how im a failure. Then i would have to tell that like "mutter" or "voice" i guess you could say to stop, and id get so rushed with emotions that i instantly went from mad to crying. I flashed back to all my times of cutting and deep sadness and its like it happened just then. I instantl got reminded of the pain. So i cried some more. After my bout of anger and tears i simmered down a little and sat to watch tv. I thought to myself, is this normal.. Is this how life is.. To have "problems" for years. Of course since the hospital my parents have no idea that my problems are still present and completly tearing my life apart. I dont know what to do. I keep telling myself im fine and nothing wrong, but im slowly being tore apart. Is this what growing up is like? Or am i just being so stupid or something. Is there actually something wrong with me?

[kaliope]

it is obvious that you are having ongoing problems with your mental health and still need help. there is hope out there. talk to your parents and tell them you are still struggling and that you need to get back into counseling. otherwise you are looking at long term misery. welcome to psych central. you will find that we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome

[SeekerOfLife]

Yes, try to get help. When emotional issues interfere with eveyday life, that is just too much. Hugs to you.

[Hellion]

No I don't think that is normal growing up, from that it seems obvious to me you are struggling with mental health...sounds like severe depression which doesn't just go away, returning to therapy may not be a bad idea. Better to start getting help now than just pushing it away and trying to push it away and ignore it. But yeah it sounds like this is really effecting you.