[Hellion]

So the other day there was a misunderstanding/conflict between my dad my brother and a mutual friend around me and my brothers age. Anyways my dad supposdly said something insulting towards homosexuals and gave my brothers friend a look(I did not hear this comment or see the look) and this friend got offended but never indicated anything at the time of the conversation where this remark was made. Also considering the person my dad was talking to I'd think had he made such a remark they would have said something as well I don't want to believe anyone over anyone else but it doesn't make sense

We had plans to do something and were going to meet up after stopping for gas...then my brother texted he was calling it off and going to bed, so my dad takes me to drop me off...we run into this friend of my brothers and my dad got out just to say hey for a minute and maybe ask what was up with my brother but they just started screaming and yelling about how my dad should say something if they had a problem and my dad had no idea what he was talking about or what he even said that would have been offensive or anything about giving a nasty look(he is pretty perplexed as he never had an issue with this individual so why would he say something mean and then give him a dirty look when we're all hanging out?). He tried apologizing and explaining he didn't have an issue and was trying to ask what exactly he had said...but they were in a rage so it was like there was nothing that could be said.

Now my dad has said stupid things or worded things wrong(maybe this is the case here), but I know for a fact he had no problem with our friend or that he's not straight...I also know this friend sometimes says rather offensive things just the other day he said something I found offensive on facebook, I let it go because it wasn't that important to me and I know he wasn't exactly being serious. and will get angry if he thinks someone is wronging him....like once he got pissed at my brother because he was trying to help him get a job and for some reason thought my brother just blew the whole thing off.

Anyways long story short, this whole thing just really bothers me....basically me, my brother, mutual friend, my dad and sometimes my dads friend were sort of hanging out together went on a hike the other day just been having fun as a group but now that's probably not possible anymore. I just don't understand it if this friend really did think highly of my dad wouldn't he have put a bit more effort into maybe working out the issue? Seemed like he decided before even yelling at my dad that he had for sure said something and without a doubt had a problem with him and wanted nothing more to do with him...It was also strange that no one knew anything was wrong until after we left our first location to go meet up at the next one. But yeah so now my dad is angry because he feels like he got accused and attacked for no reason by someone he was getting along fine with and our friend thinks he was essentially stabbed in the back by someone he trusted at least last I heard.

So I don't know I really don't know what the exact incident was...all I know is I love my dad and I've grown to like my brothers friend as sort of a brother. Just having troubles coping with two people I care about conflicting like that and not being on speaking terms. The worst part is memories of us all getting together and having fun popping in my head and me realizing it may never be like that again and it keeps hitting me like that...but it was a couple days ago and I just can't seem to get it out of my head.

I might actually come back and edit some of the details out of here...but then people might not know quite what i am upset about...I just feel gossipy talking about specific people in my life on a forum like this at times. To top it off I feel like I am being selfish by being upset by a conflict that has nothing directly to do with me. I was feeling somewhat 'good' past few weeks, but now that's gone to crap because of this....its like something good got ripped away and the pain is still there if that makes any sense but its not the first time I've felt this. As usual I hope both parties can work it out, but I have to cope with the fact they may not.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by Hellion

but now that's probably not possible anymore

I'd wait and see what happens and hope for the best rather than the worst? Your brother's friend has a habit of sometimes going off you say (this is not particularly new behavior?) and your father is okay, is not angry at the friend and has no idea what he said/did wrong and your brother was not there to help with his friend, etc. I bet it eventually sorts itself off and things go back to normal.

[LaborIntensive]

Well you can talk to your dad about it and maybe tell your friend what your dad says if it is a misunderstanding or you can help your dad know what happened. It's hard to know what will be sensitive to a younger person as older adults have different thoughts and matters that concern them.

[Hellion]

Originally Posted by Perna

I'd wait and see what happens and hope for the best rather than the worst? Your brother's friend has a habit of sometimes going off you say (this is not particularly new behavior?) and your father is okay, is not angry at the friend and has no idea what he said/did wrong and your brother was not there to help with his friend, etc. I bet it eventually sorts itself off and things go back to normal.

Well my dad is rather angry at some things he said, perhaps things will sort themselves out...but there's also times when people don't sort it out and its difficult for me to cope with that, maybe my therapist would have ideas about how to deal with that possibility as well.

[Hellion]

Originally Posted by LaborIntensive

Well you can talk to your dad about it and maybe tell your friend what your dad says if it is a misunderstanding or you can help your dad know what happened. It's hard to know what will be sensitive to a younger person as older adults have different thoughts and matters that concern them.

I did explain to my dad what they thought he said, and he said he did not recall saying that and said 'why would I say something like that', but thought maybe he may have said something that was misunderstood. As for now its probably best if I stay out of it....I think time to cool off is good but if either talk to me about it and want my imput I would tell them my perspective. Also I've gotten stuck in trying to help people with their issues to the point of obsessing and then doing more harm than good while neglecting myself.