I talk to my ex a lot, who is not there.

It has been bothering me for a little while. I talk to my ex all the time as if he's there. He's not anymore. I'm not hurting anymore, but I'm afraid this habit of mine will eventually stir feelings up again. It's like whenever I go through my daily life, I just...talk in my head. To him, sometimes to other people (that I know), but mostly to him.

For example, whenever I get my heavy bag of books, I'd just think in my head: "Hey, could you please help me with this bag?" as if he's there. And then I'd smile and take it myself instead. I'm fully aware he is not there, but I continue to do this.

Is this even NORMAL? IT'S BLOODY CREEPY! IS IT some sort of SYMPTOM of not MOVING on? Is it some suppressed unfinished business or whatever **** that ex relationships do to you? I thought I'm so DONE with that.

Did your ex- get the bags/help you in the way you have him do now? I would just assume I was working something through and get interested in the process, watch myself (as it sounds like you are doing) and see what is prompting the talking at the moment when I do it; what is the thought or feeling that has you shifting to include someone else right. . .there?

Hi PeachCream, maybe just habit?? If you were used to having him around and if some of the things you're thinking are things you'd automatically think/say if he was around...........
The only "worrying" bit is the "all the time" though, you're almost making it sound "obsessive" unless that's just the way I'm reading it??
I'd say that you need to focus on letting your thoughts not exclude other people from the parts of your life your relating to him. If you can do that then maybe other people will gradually replace those thoughts, and you'll be more saying what you're thinking to them, instead of thinking them in relation to him. If that makes sense??
He might then still be in your thoughts from time to time/now and then (that's natural) but that needn't mean that you haven't moved on if you're still able to "let others in" and don't allow your thoughts to push other people away/block them out.
Best wishes
Alison

No he did not. Well...the thing is, it was an awkward breakup, the works, you know how it is, try to be friends and fail, now he's overseas and we don't really contact each other anymore. I just envision him next to me some times that's all. I just imagine a conversation with him about anything at all. I don't know how the thought comes. It just does. Sometimes I just think about my ex. I don't want to think about my ex. I'm worried feelings will come back again.

Yeah! It's become a habit. But he's never done these things to me before. i just keep on envisioning and imagining something that is NOT real. I sometimes do it, not ALL the time, but I've been doing it more often lately. Your suggestion makes sense, albeit a little complicated. I will try it somehow. Yeah maybe it's natural, but it bothers me that's all.

you're probably just not completely over him yet, that's all. i think about my ex's all the time, i try not to but i can't help it.hard to keep those thoughts from popping in your head.i think it's just a part of you that misses him,that's all & i think that's a normal part of the break up process,i guess( i'm no expert) but that's MHO

PeachCream22...I think about my ex a lot too. I really miss him sometimes...the history...the connection we had. He passed away shortly after we separated. My thoughts about him are usually good. He's been gone a long time now. Thing is, he can't do anything to upset me anymore, thus it's easy to forget why he became my ex. I seem to see him in a different light now. I speculate that I should have been easier on him...more forgiving.

It may be easier to think of people from the past. It's somewhat comforting when things aren't going well...that somehow if he was here it would be different. It may be less scary than thinking about the future.

I would try to make some new friends...work on the here and now a bit, but not be too concerned about the comforting thoughts about someone you once cared a great deal about. Maybe you are just working out some forgiveness for him and why you separated.

You're right. I do see him in a different light now because we're not together anymore. I have to force myself to remember the reasons why we broke up. I do end up feeling guilty when I shouldn't. It IS less scary thinking about the future with him in it.

[/QUOTE] I would try to make some new friends...work on the here and now a bit, but not be too concerned about the comforting thoughts about someone you once cared a great deal about. Maybe you are just working out some forgiveness for him and why you separated.[/QUOTE]

Yeah. Maybe I am still working out forgiveness. He kept contacting me before he went overseas. I just don't want to get sucked back to that void of negativity again. Even though we can be friends...maybe I just don't want to be friends so soon. I just can't.

I guess it is. It's been about 4 months since I haven't seen him. Even though the breakup was long long ago. After that was just a series of awkward encounters and emotionally manipulative conversations , depression and uncontrollable rage. And now four months. Why am I even counting. Guess I'm still not completely over him. I don't like that. I feel weak.

I still have imaginary arguments with my ex.

I think that stems from feeling like I never really managed to express myself properly though.

This is so so true. I was brought up to NOT express negativity. Consequently, I avoid conflict and even when pushed to the point of rage...the words just won't come out. Thus I am left with arguments in my head. I struggle with racing thoughts in a continues loop.

Unfinished business can be very difficult to resolve...especially when the other person isn't available.

hee hee, we all do that! 4 months for me too, well almost 5 now on the 29th.
the emotionally manipulative conversations have calmed down with us( it's all your fault & so forth!) i'm going to visit her in Oregon this weekend to spend her birthday with her ( and try and work things out) our conversations are a lot more civil now!

Good luck. I hope things tun out well.

Wishing you the best.

[/quote] I just don't want to get sucked back to that void of negativity again[/quote]

Understandable!! Take care of yourself

P.S.

None of this...especially caring for another...make you weak.

Its not normal.. Thus is happening to me too. First i thought that may be its normal, i mean people do talk to themselves. But the things i imagine are not good and they hurt me mentally. I am always imagining things that may hurt me badly if they happen in real. I imagine fights with my bf and some other things too. I talk to myself alot and this is becoming a kinda thing that i can't control. I cry all the time. I think i know i am in depression but these imaginary things are not good. I don't know what to do or how to control. Any suggestion would be appreciated. please help :'(

thank you so much, i hope things turn out well too, i'm counting on it!

manu1122 I'm sorry you are hurting.

If you imagine bad things happening...would you be able to switch it around and imagine good things happening? It might feel strange at first but with practice it might bring some relief. Picture things that would bring you happiness.

Wishing you well

I know right!! It's really, really hard to express yourself....ME TOO...imaginary arguments....

Feels like unfinished business. But I know that I've tried my best. He never understood me nor even tried to. He always put himself first.

I'm letting go. Maybe you should too

Me too. I was brought up not to express negativity. I think most Asian families are like that. My family's expressions are just arguments and yelling. Not gentle expression and understanding.

Hang in there. You're not alone. I feel the same.

Yes...I understand. I mentally hurt myself. It's like cutting, but the scars are physically invisible. I was very depressed too, and continue to struggle with it. Sometimes there are dark days, sometimes not.

I'm so sorry to hear you struggling through the same thing. I KNOW how uncontrollable it can get. Something that wasn't there just SUDDENLY exists in our life!! and kills us inside!

I don't know how to help you, the only thing I can do is to say that you're welcome to pm me anytime and rant about it on PC. Hope we will make you feel better and move past it..continually update us about your situation. We do care..

I start
imagining things and then i talk to myself. I have
some family issues like my sister is schizophrenic.
So it hurts me alot to see her that way. Then i
have this great guilt in me that i didn't take care of
my sister before when she stayed with me for a
while. It all happened bcoz of me. And now my
parents are worried for her. Then i have this bf
who never understands. Whenever i need some
kinda mental support, i never get the same from
him. Although we love each other. Few days back i
started talking to myself. First i thought that may
be its normal, i mean people do talk to
themselves. But the things i imagine are not good
and they hurt me mentally. I am always imagining
things that may hurt me badly if they happen in
real. I imagine fights with my bf and in those imaginations i talk to him for not giving me mental support or always scolding me for one thing or the other and some other
things too. I talk to myself alot and this is
becoming kinda thing that i can't control. I cry all
the time. I think i know i am in depression but
these imaginary things are not good. I don't know
what to do or how to control. I am always sad. My
whole life is upside down. So many problems. We
have admitted my sister today in the psychiatric hospital and m with her right now. I am
worried for her. God so many problemsss. Any
suggestion would be appreciated. please
help :'( please

manu1122...I'm glad you are here on PC. You can talk to us and we will try to be as much support as we can.

I think sometimes we rehearse bad things in our head because we are trying to control the outcome or to get insight into how we will "feel" about a situation. When we imagine that bad thing...in my untrained opinion...we are somehow trying to prepare for an unpleasant outcome so we are not blindsided. Then we feel guilty...like "how could I even think about such a thing?"

As strange as it might seem, I think we need to think/rehearse unpleasant things sometimes. Not to dwell on them, but to insulate ourselves from the unexpected.

It sounds like your sister is being taken care of and what is going on with her is NOT your fault. You need to be kind to yourself and take care of you.

Best regards!!