[Sad&Bipolar]

My life is really good. I live in a nice house in a great small city near the Pacific Ocean. The weather is so mild compared to the rest of the country. I have two daughters who are very loving and caring. Everything is great about my life.

Yet, I have the most awful feelings. Depression is weighing heavy. I have been to the ER twice this past month, been inpatient twice this month, and spent some time in a partial hospital program. Emotionally, I am a mess. It makes no sense.

How can my brain be so unaware of my actual reality?

[kaliope]

it is such a shame that our brain wont pay attention to the good things we have in our life. I have a very good life too yet I have no joy so I know where you are coming from. my pdoc just put me back on antidepressants hoping that would help me. my t is constantly bringing up the hospital. like that is going to help. I am sorry that you are struggling so. I am at least stable on my meds. I hope you find something that turns the corner for you. take care.

[Fishymoon]

Maybe some day (far) in the future we will know how our brains work, how to heal them. In the mean time be good to yourself. Give yourself credit for all the positive things you do and have done. Keep persuing getting help you need. We don't have to be perfect beings, no one is. Life throws us curves, it's hard at times. May you get what will truly help. Gentle hug.

[glok]

Hello, Sad&Bipolar. Have you talked to your treatment team about what you are experiencing?

[bigblackdog]

Originally Posted by Sad&Bipolar

My life is really good. I live in a nice house in a great small city near the Pacific Ocean. The weather is so mild compared to the rest of the country. I have two daughters who are very loving and caring. Everything is great about my life.

Yet, I have the most awful feelings. Depression is weighing heavy. I have been to the ER twice this past month, been inpatient twice this month, and spent some time in a partial hospital program. Emotionally, I am a mess. It makes no sense.

How can my brain be so unaware of my actual reality?

As Spock would say in any timeline, "Emotions are not logical, Dr McCoy" It's always Bones he says these things to. Because of course Kirk knows and Bones is one overblown emotional nerve ending from complete space madness.

I do find that I get to what I call the unbearable sameness of being. I go to work, talk to the same people, take the same train, park in the same place, come home at the same time, the kids are having the same argument as yesterday, my husband is telling them exactly 7 times to go to bed, then there's yelling and things settle down so that I can relax. If I am lucky.

So I don't know if that helps, probably not, but maybe you should shake things up a bit. Rearrange the furniture, pile everyone in the car and decide on the freeway where you're going for the day.

But yeah, feel ya.