[The Fox & the Hound]

I regret so many things. Everything basically. Even if it's small I still regret it. I hate,& I feel horrible. I do this all the time.

[Perna]

I would turn around and practice looking forward to what was coming up rather than what has been/cannot be changed. It's like going to the beach and body surfing and spending time regretting the wave that you didn't catch instead of looking to see which one is forming and seeing if you can figure out how to catch that one. Looking at what you didn't do does not tell/teach you anything at all, there's no practice in new situations happening so you can get good at life. We all do poorly before we get any sustained practice. Look at what you did poorly at to see where you need to practice instead of using it to put yourself or others down.

[IceCreamKid]

You are describing rumination. I used to have a big problem with it. Do you have a counselor or doctor? Please mention it to him or her, if you do. If you do not, you can make an appointment with a doctor or counselor and describe how this rumination is distressing to you. Finally, as hokey as it sounds, I have used this as a technique and found it very helpful. When I start thinking about Regretful event A, I deliberately interrupt my train of thought, say (inside my head) "You can stop thinking about that"…or "You don't need to think about that anymore" and deliberately turn my thoughts to something pleasant. I also imagine a portal to outer space (like a laundry chute, sort of) where I bundle the things I think are getting me down and that are past events I no longer need to feel regret over) and shove them out into space where they disintegrate. You are welcome to laugh at my technique but I have indeed found them helpful.

You might try my techniques once and say "darn,that didn't work" but keep using them and I think you will see some improvement. Courage! :-)

[Verity81]

I find the idea of radical acceptance useful. It's a skill in DBT it's basically accepting what you cannot change, not necessarily approving just accepting that it happened and it's in the past. It is rumination and a good tip for this also is mindfulness. Stay in the moment if your mind wanders don't judge yourself and bring it back to the present moment. It takes lots of practise

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[glok]

Hello, The Fox & The Hound.

Don?t Look Back: The Corrosive Power of Regret | Better Living Through Pithy Quotes

I wish you well.

Originally Posted by The Fox & the Hound

I regret so many things. Everything basically. Even if it's small I still regret it. I hate,& I feel horrible. I do this all the time.

Although it's hard to think of anything else than 'what could've been' or 'if i'd just' ...it isn't the answer to look back, even if it pains you, try and look to the future and more importantly the present. Don't rush yourself to try and evaporate your thoughts, but just learn to cope with them, until they go away. That is what i'm trying to grapple with and it is an extremely slow process at present.

Tc

[BLUEDOVE]

Please get this book for dear self: "Self-Compassion",
by Kirstin Neff,I wouldn't be without it.

[PianogirlPlays]

Originally Posted by Perna

I would turn around and practice looking forward to what was coming up rather than what has been/cannot be changed. It's like going to the beach and body surfing and spending time regretting the wave that you didn't catch instead of looking to see which one is forming and seeing if you can figure out how to catch that one. Looking at what you didn't do does not tell/teach you anything at all, there's no practice in new situations happening so you can get good at life. We all do poorly before we get any sustained practice. Look at what you did poorly at to see where you need to practice instead of using it to put yourself or others down.

Such a good answer that I also need.

[meowy333]

Hey, I also tend to have this issue. I find at the times when I seem to feel the worst and my thoughts are uncontrollably racing, it helps to keep my mind busy, maybe with organizing stuff, or just by doing things that feel good and make me feel useful. I know you can't always control this stuff, but you have to find what works for you. It's hard, but it'll work out. If you find yourself obsessing over specific situations, it can help to vocalize it to someone you trust. Sometimes it'll get those thoughts out there and act as a way of closure. I hope you all feel better.

[PianogirlPlays]

Agree that talking can help. My day was full of guilt! Food related , people related you name it guilt! I hope that somehow I can have a new reset for tomorrow!

[miamayaisabelle]

These are a few helpful articles that may help you overcome the feeling of regret and allow you to forgive yourself.

thedailylove.com/how-to-liberate-yourself-from-regret/
rockyourday.com/how-to-stop-regretting-the-past-and-start-building-your-future/