i deserve to be criticized

Is it normal to feel I deserve to stay in a conversation when the other person is putting me down or I'm getting stressed by the way its going? For example, I say I wish I had a job paying X amount. Family members agrees that it would be good but then goes on to bring up something I did in that past that's a negative trigger. I get upset eventually and attempt to direct conversation back to safer topic. Family member gets annoyed that I dare change topic, I should "toughen up" and I deserve whatever opinions I have because "I brought it up.

is it some unspoken rule that you can't change subjects when you're not okay with a topic because I really don't know how to talk to certain people at this point.

Hello, offthegrid. Something is wrong here. You seem to be getting bullied.

Being assertive: Reduce stress, communicate better - Mayo Clinic

I wish you well.

Thanks I checked out the link. I've tried being more assertive with people lately but they just get upset with me for one reason or another. Maybe I'm doing it wrong? On occasion my emotions get the better of me when certain topics are brought up or when people make declarations of how I think(and are wrong). I feel like a punching bad. I hold back and avoid stepping on ties but almost never get the same courtesy. I'm told I ought a be cable to take it..."toughen up". Yeah I think I'm doing assertiveness wrong lol.

The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans saved my life (and countless other womens')

Boundaries by Townsend and Cloud...excellent resource.

It is important to have good boundaries and we can learn them. No one has the right to define who you are or what your feelings are. Simply state what you think and feel and no need to respond to others who disagree, etc. People get uneasy or angry when you have good boundaries....those are the people who say "toughen up" etc.......that is ridiculous.

Don't be a punching bag; when others see you are respecting yourself, they will feel respect for you (although they may not show it)......just simply state what you think and feel. If people continue to be disrespectful, stop having any important conversations.

Never apologize or argue about your feelings and thoughts. They are yours; no one has the right to tell you who they think you are. You and you alone....define that.
When someone disagrees with you or tells you you should/shouldln't feel how you feel; you can simply state.....oh, I see.......no defending yourself, etc........

If what the person is saying is not true, look puzzled and say something like, "What does that have to do with my wanting a job that makes me $1,000,000?" Be impatient, shake your head slightly side-to-side in a vague "No" movement so they get the hint you feel they are interrupting and their opinion is not on target or something you are interested in listening to.

If what the person is saying is true but you don't want to hear it right now, remind yourself that you are working on whatever issue they have brought up, in your own way and time and that you are perfectly happy with how you are doing so in your life. Interrupt them to say something like, "Thank you for your opinion but right now I am interested in talking about what kind of job would make me $1,000 a week so I could have $1,000 a month to pay rent/mortgage; $1,000 for car, food, and utilities; $1,000 for saving; and $1,000 just for Me to spend as my little heart desires!

I had sort of a chance to test this out today. I pretty much let the person talk and responded with simple replays (yes, no) but I think me tone betrayed me because it was a triggering topic for me. Its crazy for that person to think i wont get at least a bit emotional about that particular issue but i give up. I am a horrible friend, and embarrassing daughter, a freeloader for a sister. I have blantantly asked how this person wants me to respond in these cases but of course she doesnt know. I ended up being hung up on, getting my car taken (because I'm a jobless loser) and my family hates me and dont want to talk to me. They have long memories and no amount of apologizing is going to make them see me as nothing other than a bad guy now. Everything was easier when I just followed the mold and acted like whoever i happened to be around at the time. All I ever do is make problems for everybody else. Everything would be perfect if I was never born.

I am working on the issues they are talking about but not fast enough. Wanting to change or working toward it isn't good enough, only results.