[EllaG]

Two weeks ago I got really, really 'out-of-control' drunk in front of my parents-in-law. My father-in-law had to carry me to the car. My husband had to work on that Saturday and my his parents invited me to a wine tasting. Needless to say, I lost control and drank way too much. I still don't know what went through my mind that day, since I usually don't even drink. What makes the whole situation worse is that I can't remember anything.

It took a lot of guts, but I did phone my father-in-law too apologize. Afterwards I felt even worse because he told me that I flirted with other men. It's one thing to get drunk, but another when you get so intoxicated that you shove your inhibitions to the side and flirt with other men in front of your parents-in-law. I mean it is unforgivable! I love my husband and can't believe how I acted.

Since then my friends have told me that most people have flirted with other people while drunk, but is still does not make me feel any better about anything. Since that day the guilt has consumed my every thought. I lie awake at night thinking about it. I haven't seen his parents since, and I don't plan to see them any time soon.

You see, that day was also the two-year anniversary of my mother's death, not that it is an excuse for my behavior. Since her death I became really depressed, and it took me months before I got help. I have been on medication for a while now, and I really felt a lot better but since that day, I just can't manage to pick myself up again. I am now feeling as bad, if not worse. Even the meds is not helping me.

Could it be the guilt causing my depression? If so, please give me advice on how to cope with it.

[SnakeCharmer]

So sorry this happened to you. All I can say is that guilt is really a useless emotion unless you use it change your behavior. The loss of one's mother can be a crushing blow and I still feel emotional on the anniversary of her death and the deaths of other people I loved.

Be grateful it was your father-in-law who carried you to your car and that he had no ill-intentions. You suffered an alcoholic black-out before you passed out. That means you were still up and talking and flirty but the part of your brain that gives you self-control was under anesthesia from the alcohol. You were acting on your most primitive impulses. Perfectly decent people do indecent things while in that state. Your father-in-law's actions kept you safe.

So learn from it. Don't let the guilt crush you with depression. Use it to motivate yourself to fully acknowledge and understand that you may be one of those people who had better not drink because you don't seem to know your limit. Especially if you're taking medication. The combo of medication and alcohol can be really dangerous, making you much drunker than you expect.

Guilt, depression, anxiety and anger can all be tied together in one big tangled knot. You may never figure out if your guilt is making you depressed or if your depression is making you do things that make you feel guilty. It's probably a little of both.

What you do know is that you're not a good drinker, especially not while you're on medication. That doesn't make you a bad person or an unforgivable person. You made a mistake ... on a very emotional day. You flirted, but that's as far as it went. You did it because you were intoxicated. That doesn't even make you a flirt. It just means that drinking is not a good idea for you.

If you didn't already say so, call your relatives again, apologize again, and explain it was the anniversary of your mother's death and you were in a highly emotional state that didn't combine well with alcohol and thank him for watching out for your well-being and making sure you got home safely. I'm assuming he didn't let you drive after he carried you to the car.

Don't make any promises about it never happening again. Promises are cheap and easy. Just do your best to act in accordance with the real you and your real personality whenever you're around them.

I know this whole experience has been totally mortifying to you. But people really can understand and forgive, as long as you don't make a habit of it on a regular basis. And if your family wants to go on another wine-tasting tour, volunteer to be the designated driver who doesn't drink. You'll feel much better about yourself the next day. Hang in there and let your guilt motivate you to stay away from alcohol, especially while you're on medication. It's not a good mix, something many people have learned the hard way.

[IrisBloom]

Hi Ella. Snake pretty much said it all. I want to add that at this point you need to forgive yourself and move on. I have had similar eposodes, not recently...I hope I learned my lesson...but beating yourself up is not helping you. Put it in the past just as you would any other unpleasant event. I know it looms large in your mind right now, but you need to let it go. Things will be normal with your in-laws soon.