[Ams3618]

I can't figure out where to post this. If a mod feels there is a better thread, please feel free to move it there..

I have no idea what to do. I certainly feel dirty sharing this with everyone, but it's eating me alive (which will make sense when I have explained everything).

In high school (I was 16 going on 17) my best friend (my age) and her bf (he was 19) broke up. When they broke up he asked to hang out with me, as I had been his best friend as well. I thought nothing of it.

He acted weird on the drive to his house.. "Joking" that we should "get back at her by dating"... I was uncomfortable but laughed it off.. We got to his house.
We went to the usual hang out *the basement* while his mom and dad were just upstairs.

Then it happened.

He..he kept asking me to do things...He kept telling me it wasn't fair that carly *name changed* got to "have fun" and he "didn't"...He had me in the recliner and kept pressuring me.. I was trapped because he was between me and the stairs (freedom).. I was beyond scared.. I was terrified.. He had me pinned there. I felt so helpless. He leaned in for a kiss a few times and i kept telling him "jason *name changed* I don't want to do this. I don't feel that way".. He wouldn't take no for an answer.. If there hadn't been a noise that distracted him long enough for me to bolt up the stairs, i don't even want to think of what would have happened.

Now.. why...amid tears.. am I discussing this after 8 years with strangers online? If I don't let it out it will eat me alive. I'm losing it..

He is going to the church I go to now.. HE had stopped for a while and resumed this past year.. Ironically after I had resumed *I should clarify I met him at church and after stayed away for a few years*.

Now.. I had removed/blocked/deleted him all those years ago (For obvious reasons)..and him coming back to this church has at first been just a fearful time for me. Will he try to bug me, am I safe?

Now he is telling people we are "doing things" and it's tearing me apart.. How can someone believe that?! What kind of world is it where someone who forces themselves on me convinces my friends to quit being my friends because I'm "jealous" and "we'rd doing things" when I haven't seen him since I was 16 and avoided him like the plague..

How? It's tearing me apart inside to know I've lost a friend and that he's saying these disgusting vile things to people. The worst part is him smirking at me.. He knows ExACTLY what he is doing.. He is doing it to hurt me.. In church, when I was with my grandmother, he turned around and point blank smirked at me.. It chilled me. I wondered why he smirked at me.. And now I know.. He's been telling them these...these things..

I wouldn't talk about this with anyone for so long and now I'm desperate to have someone anyone understand. I feel as dirty as I did the day he had me in that recliner.. Scared... How can he still hurt me after all these years?

[Travelinglady]

Hi, Ams3618, and welcome to Psych Central! I am thinking in a sense that you felt raped--at least forced into kisses you didn't want. You just wanted to be a regular friend with him. So, you suffered a loss of a relationship. And that likely hurt.

Evidently he felt rejected when you weren't excited by his plans for you. So, he is trying to get even. I feel sorry for him. Men can be sensitive about the gay issue. I am wondering if he is now living a gay lifestyle and is putting that onto you.

Is there any way you can go to a different church? Perhaps you can tell people what he did years ago. It was not your fault.

Some thoughts, anyway.....

[Thunder Bow]

Get away from him and never see him again in any way or form. He is controlling and dangerous.

Hi Ams3618. I'm glad you were able to get away from that situation as quick as you could. Do you have anyone offline to speak to about this, such as a therapist? I can see how you would feel that way. I think anyone would. I'm sorry you had to go through that . It's very wise of you to stay away from him like the plague. As for the friend you lost, they must not have been a close or caring friend to have believed things like that.

[healingme4me]

Well, he'd need to prove it then. In this day and age, selfies, videos et al. Prove it. And take that confidence, with you, next time you hear of a smear campaign. Create fictitious social media and offer a bounty/award for unaltered footage.
Take back control.