I realize that I'm trying to distance myself from everybody I know, I just don't talk to people anymore, including my own family, which is strange because I ranted/whined to my mom all the time, but not anymore. I tell her I'm fine, she doesn't believe me, but then again I live away from home.

I've never enjoyed social activities as much as everyone else, but these days I avoid it like the plague, I don't always answer calls, or check my emails, my new room mates barely even see me as I'm locked away in the corner of my room all the time.

It's like I'm trying to erase my existence, so that my trail goes cold - I completely disappear from everyone's memory. I don't feel like helping myself because I've come to the conclusion that it's a lost cause and a fool's errand.

I have never treated anybody in the way people have treated me. They can just move on, I can't.... I can't move on.... People around me just move on, but I don't.

When you have a pain in your heart that only you can feel, when you are truly sorry, but you're never forgiven, when you know you've done all that you can, except using a time machine and undoing what you did, it hurts a lot. I don't blame anyone, It was my fault.....

I'm in a lot of pain, I still function, I still do everything I am supposed to do on a daily basis, I won't let it get the better of me, but I don't feel like fighting my depression anymore, maybe I can spend the rest of my life feeling miserable, is it important to be happy?

[Bluesday]

Been like that the last few months myself. It's usually a depressive episode that comes on like a bad cold. Eventually it breaks and I feel a little better and more functioning.

Originally Posted by Bluesday

Been like that the last few months myself. It's usually a depressive episode that comes on like a bad cold. Eventually it breaks and I feel a little better and more functioning.

I hope, but it seems I am getting worse, I wonder what can be break me out of this rhythm.